i stay up most of the night so my partner can support someone that gave her support one night when she was feeling bad at 4:30 am i can stay up no longer and tell her so so we fall into bed at last we have a hug and things are fine but then when i get woken up at 12:30 (yes i know it was mid day and half the day had passed) but the good times had gone yes i was tired out and yes i did say what gives you the right to wake me up but im grumpy and unfunctional when i first wake up the next thing i know she is storming away in the car i try to make sense of what is going on and hide in the duvet hoping im dreaming half an hour later i get up im getting dressed when she storms back in grabs the laptop and is back off out the door and when she appears back refuses to tell me where shes been what has happened to the pc and is well into an episode i hug her even though she yells at me to go away but she seems to be calming a little she takes a valium before i can even suggest it and after 10 mins i help her back to bed i hug her and she still half heartedly tries to fight me off but i still persist and she calms down and falls asleep i wake her enough for her to tell me where she hid the car keys and she falls asleep at once im now dreading what will happen when she wakes up will things be better (as i hope beyond hope that they will be) or will they be much worse (last time she tried to suffocate me and other things) i try to take it in my stride i try to hide how i am feeling but i dont know where i stand and talking about what she says is the trigger is the hardest thing in the world how can i ever explain to anyone let alone my gf as she doesn't want to try and understand it from my point of view where am i in this crazy world of rollercoasters
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