ADDED TO CLARIFY:

I am positive he is sick, sorry if I made it sound otherwise. I am POSITIVE he is ill and needs help I just don't know when he is making excuses or when (IF) I can call him out on it. He acts like everything he does isn't his choice!

He has run up FIVE credit cards and put my parents in debt. He flies off the handle at girls he's trying to date and friends who are trying to help him. He has 'prayed to Lucifer' he tells me because 'God isn't helping him' and I have no idea if he's doing it for the attention it gets him....He is sick but how far is he taking it? What can I do to help? Right now all I want to do is give him a piece of my mind!

Your brother sounds like my X..

I have found at times there is never the right thing to say.. No matter what you say, how you word it, it will never be the right thing to say.


It never matters what my X says and what I say back. I am NEVER RIGHT, I NEVER UNDERSTAND, I AM NOT SUPPORTIVE ENOUGH!


We was together almost 9 years. (just a few months short)

There is times with my X after he's said or done thing in a bp mannor. He will either tell me, he did it cos's he BP or that him being BP has nothing to do with it.

I've read a ton of books, dug around the web for info. I have spent countless hours researching BP. Nothing really ever tells us what is the right thing to say or do. Due to there is never the right thing to say.

At lot of times he'll turn my words aorund and take them the wrong way. It's crazy..

The reason why I am still there and supportive (friends) with my X. Is due to we have a chid together, and that well he has no family left living, or that he get a long with. He's burned so many bridges with so many people.

He's got me in debt up to my hair line. I have to go to court next month from where he over drafted out bank account. He always lied to me about how much money was in the account. Hide all the bank statments.

Good Luck
Love
Poet

Thank you so much Poet. Hearing what you're going through really puts things in perspective. I can't imagine how difficult it is for you and your child!

It sounds like you really have had such a difficult time. Him too! I can't imagine being trapped inside my own body suffering with an illness that makes me think doing things like that is right.

He is so lucky to have you. I hope that there are times he tells you that he appreciates it.

It's funny but I went out to get some chocolate milk (comfort food) after I read your post and the sun was setting amazingly. It was like a bit of release just seeing it (much like your post).

Thanks again, I'll just keep telling my brother that I love him and let him know I'm here for him.

I hope things get easier with your ex.

Meg said, "UGH, I have no idea what to do. I don't know when he's REALLY ill or just making excuses....can anyone help? I'm scared he's manipulating the doctor into thinking we're a bad family, too...."

Been there. When my wife was first diagnosed then I believe that a lot of the physical assaults that I received from her was intentional and she hid behind her diagnosis. However, she quickly became determined that she didn't have bp disorder and everything was my fault.

Don't worry, my wife has convinced her psychologist that she was seeing on the side that DCFS was paying for that I was a complete psycho and that she was the only one trying in the marriage. That bird brain believed her and even called our marriage counselor asking questions about me. Thankfully the marriage counselor filled him in. She now does the same crap with her psychiatrist where she purposely made herself look wonderful and me as a psycho. She said that she did this so if I ever decide to try and call her doctor which I used to do then her doctor wouldn't care to listen to me because she will think that I am some control freak husband only looking to control her.

My wife didn't have the other problems that your brother is experiencing. I wouldn't know how to help you there. I would recommend documenting the things he does and when. I found that this helped her psychiatrist initially in the beginning.

My wife is the type that can be loving one moment and then in a complete rage the next. As hurtpoet said elsewhere about the eyes turn dark. That is something that still freaks me out is when this demon enters her then the eyes go dark and they look very wild (I say demon because you literally say the face change and it is freaky). She also suffers extreme paranoia too. She has improved much since the birth of my son but getting close to her seems impossible as she can turn on me in a second.

You have one thing going for you and that is your brother recognizes that he has a problem and a diagnosis. My wife sees nothing wrong with her and thinks the whole world should be medicated and not her. It is very hard to treat someone that only lies to the doctor and refuses to believe that there is anything wrong with them. That is my situation and a little of yours. Get involved early with his doctor and do allow your brother to be able to just rip you guys apart week after week like I allowed my wife to do.

I wish that I could have been a better help to you. The only thing that I can relate with you on this is the stress it causes. Make sure that you make time for yourself or this will make you go bonkers as well. I still suffer migraines from the stress.

Appreciate! He don't have a clue as to what that word means.


I am glad my post back was helpfull.

I back Hurtpoet up on that one. You can do a million things for a bp and they do not appreciate nothing you do and will even tell others that you are against them when you have done everything for them.

I'm starting to realize I'm going through the pattern of response that loved ones go through when told about their family member.

Denial, Grief, Anger and HOPEFULLY Acceptance. I hate being angry at him. Whats worse, I have a wicked temper (not physical though) and I have a streak of pride that makes it SO difficult just to let go.

I hope one day I can accept him and his illness as ONE package and be able to be there for him.

Cody, I don't know HOW you can possibly cope with her like this. It gave me such chills to read it. Thankfully I think my brother's doctor is smart enough to catch onto his ploys. I don't think my brother MEANS to talk bad but his opinions seem to get skewed by his bipolar rationale.

His doctor, as fabulous as he his, will not speak to us because my brother requested he not take any correspondence from us. My mother is trying to get my brother to take a letter to the doctor so we'll see how that goes.

BUT I'm the one who talked him into going to this specific doctor so I think the doc knows we love and care about my brother.

Cody, Poet, thank you so much. It is such a relief to not feel as alone.

maybe the problem is,...it's not a purposeful thing...

"manipilating the doctor"

i feel that is what happend when my DXBP mother and i saught counciling together once. we had a lot of solo sessions as well... she was a very kind older lady, i luved her and she bought me presents =] but not the best doctor for understanding BP

i'm pretty scared that is what i do...always have been. though... i never recognized it as such. heh...i always knew that i never wanted to turn into her...but you know what they say.... bout turning into your mother kinda thing. i just hope that b/c i didn't spend all my time growing up with her that i have a chance =[

my ex was a major porn addict....and i never wanted to think it was a big problem...cuz to my mum everyone ELSE is crazy. but now is this me trying to just negate what i've already said????
=[ i'm SO CONFUSED and i don't trust myself worth a shit.

OMG!!!
hurtpoet and cody know the demon!!!

shit....that is SCARY
turns on a dime!
over the summer i picked up on one thing....when she starts getting upset about the house being filthy....and going nuts cleaning it....she's about to snap

she hates cleaning with a passion...so i always did it,....and thats when she was violent...i don't know why
i still prefer to be alone when cleaning... [she would come up behind me while i was vaccuming and get very violent and tell me i am doing it ALL wrong]

Cod.. omg.. my X told me one day that him and his doc talked the whole time about me. And that I NEEDED HELP MORE THAN HE DID!! THAT HIS DOC WANTED ME IN HIS OFFICE ASAP!!

My X even stated that I should have gone into a ward and not HIM..


~~ once i seen the demon i was scared to bring it back out!!! ~~

I know only too well how it feels when everything you say & do just isn't enough. I felt like I was constantly jumping through hoops, trying to figure out a different way to get through each one.

It can be a total nightmare when the person you love becomes this nasty, selfish monster who doesn't seem to care about the hurt they're inflicting. My bf tells me that looking back on it he was pushing me away but on the inside begging me to stay. It's just as confusing for them as it is for us.

Get to know how the mental health system works where you live & how you can be involved in what's going on with your brother.See if there's a bp support group in your area, if not, find out how you can go about setting one up.

I wish I had some sage advice where you would read it & say "Aha! That's how to solve this!" I guess all you can do is keep loving him & being there for him. It's sad that families aren't included in treatment as much as they should be, over here in New Zealand they've been working hard for a few years to change that.

One thing we BPs have in common is projection - we take the characteristics and traits we loathe about our bipolar selves (and these are manifold, I assure you) and project them onto our nearest and dearest. I can only guess that this is an example of a maladaptive coping mechanism - by "offloading" responsibility for the undesirable behaviours, it alleviates some of the burden of badness we shoulder as "faulty" human beings. I will castigate my other half for procrastination, inertia, untidiness, etc. which are my very own character flaws. It's not calculated or conscious. Nowadays, when I'm lambasting him, a little voice in the back of my head reminds me to audit that cycle of criticism and ascertain how many of these perceived sleights I'm actually guilty of perpetrating myself. It doesn't stop the outbursts but it does curtail them and sometimes I'm even able to apologise afterwards for my disproportionate blame-throwing.

As for the reckless driving - don't get me started. The further up the hypomanic scale I ratchet myself, the wilder my driving. Call it an outlet for excess energy or anger. Sometimes the world just feels like it's travelling too slowly, just because I'm on overdrive. However, my other half is sensible enough to confiscate the keys if I'm likely to be a danger to myself or other road users.

One last thing - promise! - please don't jump through hoops for us BPs. However much you do, it will never be enough because we're not rational, so you won't serve either yourself or your BP loved one by bending over backwards and making undue sacrifices in your life. After a sustained period of being a human doormat, your simmering resentment, fatigue and despair will only bring both of you down. It's up to you to set firm but fair limits on compromise because your BP won't be able to do this objectively for themselves.

HypoKitty and all of you, THANK YOU! I feel so much better hearing these things from you, I definitely feel less alone now.

I'll ask my mom to watch my brother's behavior and take his keys if he's in a state...I just don't want him hurting himself or anyone else.

This disorder is SO paralyzing! I really had no idea. :( My brother keeps saying he'll be okay and that the doctor promised to make him better so he wouldn't have to take medication...call me crazy but I don't see that happening. :(

Thank you all again!

HyperKitty said, "" One thing we BPs have in common is projection - we take the characteristics and traits we loathe about our bipolar selves (and these are manifold, I assure you) and project them onto our nearest and dearest."

Isn't that the truth?? I really thought my wife was blind because she would say and call me things that clearly was the issues she was having.

I guess that she is also projecting onto others what she actually thinks about herself too. She seems convinced that others are saying such horrible things about her. She has accused so many people of things that they never have said and yet she was convinced of it and would tell others that this person or persons actually did say this horrible thing about her. She sometimes will be so convinced that you are either thinking or have said something that she will go on and on ripping you apart even though you keep standing there yelling, "I NEVER SAID THAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

HyperKitty, thank you! You have brought a lot of help to our community.