Family & Friends of Bipolar Support Group
This community is dedicated to parents, siblings, grandparents, other relatives and friends of someone who is Bipolar. The purpose of this community is to help families and friends develop greater patience and understanding, as well as maintain a positive, caring relationships with those diagnosed as Bipolar.
Hello all,
I have learned so many things about my spouse that I never knew about when we were dating and for many of them I can understand why she wouldnt want to tell me. This begs the question that should we hold onto someones past and do we even have the right to know before we get married to them? Based on how my spouse acted when we were dating I am not sure it would have mattered to me as she really appreared to have her act together. However I can't say with utter certainty that I would have continued or not based off of what I now know.
Basically my wife was diagnosed with BP at ages 14, 16, and 19. Her mother refused to believe it so she was denied treatment as her mother believed it was only depression. She seriously attempted suicide once at age 19. She did hard drugs in her teenage years and was arrested for DUI but the charges were thrown out. She was molested from ages 8 to 12 by her uncle. She was gang raped at age 21. She was in a female to female relationship from 14 to 21. She was in an abusive relationship from 22 to 27.
I met her when she was 30 and she was doing well. The only thing I knew about before we got married was that she was gang raped and was in an abusive relationship. She only told me that she drank a lot when she was a teenager partying. She doesnt drink at all now.
Whe she met me I am sure I was the best catch she had ever seen. I was successful, owned my own home, served honorably in the service, had travelled the world, was a gentleman, and had a good hom life. The only thing I had ever done in my youth was be a pot head in high school.
I honestly wonder how much people reveil and if they knew before hand would they even pursue an individual like that. I only know all this because of going to her PDoc and Case Worker appointments.
Thoughts? You wont offend me by speaking your mind.
I have learned so many things about my spouse that I never knew about when we were dating and for many of them I can understand why she wouldnt want to tell me. This begs the question that should we hold onto someones past and do we even have the right to know before we get married to them? Based on how my spouse acted when we were dating I am not sure it would have mattered to me as she really appreared to have her act together. However I can't say with utter certainty that I would have continued or not based off of what I now know.
Basically my wife was diagnosed with BP at ages 14, 16, and 19. Her mother refused to believe it so she was denied treatment as her mother believed it was only depression. She seriously attempted suicide once at age 19. She did hard drugs in her teenage years and was arrested for DUI but the charges were thrown out. She was molested from ages 8 to 12 by her uncle. She was gang raped at age 21. She was in a female to female relationship from 14 to 21. She was in an abusive relationship from 22 to 27.
I met her when she was 30 and she was doing well. The only thing I knew about before we got married was that she was gang raped and was in an abusive relationship. She only told me that she drank a lot when she was a teenager partying. She doesnt drink at all now.
Whe she met me I am sure I was the best catch she had ever seen. I was successful, owned my own home, served honorably in the service, had travelled the world, was a gentleman, and had a good hom life. The only thing I had ever done in my youth was be a pot head in high school.
I honestly wonder how much people reveil and if they knew before hand would they even pursue an individual like that. I only know all this because of going to her PDoc and Case Worker appointments.
Thoughts? You wont offend me by speaking your mind.
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theatre and I are there already. I'm having a very berry tea with crackers, cheese and cherry tomatoes and she's having a joint with some beer and we're both on really comfy recliners on thick pile carpet. we need some help with the decor if anyone is around??
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I'm trying to exercise daily. I was doing fairly well until I sprained my ankle 2 weeks ago but now I'm getting back on the horse. Today I walked over a mile with my arm weights that are about 22lbs total. I was out of shape and it was hard on my arms. I also did my 30 situps. I'm also going to drink a lot of water and try to eat healthy. I do tend to have a sweet tooth but I'm cutting...
this is an interesting question. There are lots of things that I've never told my husband about my past. Not because I thought he wouldn't marry me but more because I did a lot of stupid things that I prefer not to think about. I don't think it would have made a difference though if I had told him.
From my perspective, my husband has anger management issues that I was not aware of until after we were married but I don't think he intentionally withheld this from me, I just didn't experience one of his true rages until after we were married and he quit smoking pot. After 14 years I obviously know a lot more about his childhood and the probable reasons behind his anger issues but I don't think that the things that he did or endured before I met him would have swayed my decision to marry him either way. If I had actually experienced his anger maybe, but who knows.
Maybe he only married me because I was a good catch!! I had a career, home, etc. while he worked sporadically and lived at home with his parents.
But you know looking back is not really productive eaither. We have really had some truely wonderful times and I wouldn't have my totally awesome son if not for her.
Bottom line, it is what it is and the best thing to do is accept it an move forward with resolving as much of it as we can. Baby steps . . .
And
Funny thing is, when we got together I kind of blocked that part of his life out & naively thought that he'd be ok & it was all in the past. I suppose it made it easier to recognise when things did go wrong & because I knew what he could get like I was determined to hold on.
In the past as soon as he's become unwell his relationship at the time has finished & I can now understand why. The only way I could stay was to learn all I could.
It's a tough decision I guess for someone with bp to decide when & how to tell a new significant other about their bp & I can understand their reluctance to disclose it.