
Family & Friends of Bipolar Support Group
This community is dedicated to parents, siblings, grandparents, other relatives and friends of someone who is Bipolar. The purpose of this community is to help families and friends develop greater patience and understanding, as well as maintain a positive, caring relationships with those diagnosed as Bipolar.

deleted_user
To all Beepers and non-Beepers alike (remember I'm a Beeper)
I am increasingly concerned that the quality and usefulness of these boards is being consistently eroded over time. As a BP-II, I have all but stopped keeping an eye on the BP forum as it is sometimes quite literally splashed with the kind of bile and vitriol that less charitable folk might call the rantings of madmen. This means that the diamonds of genuine insight and discovery are hard to spot in the rough.
In my opinion, this may in part be a reflection of the mental health of the contributors its plausible that during a dysphoric episode, the frenzy of racing thought or paranoia can manifest itself in the written word as well as in realtime interactions. However, Ive noticed similar angry, irrational and highly personal lines of attack starting to creep into Friends & Family (F&F) of late.
I believe there is a fundamental weakness in the way in which the boards are structured. Currently, there's a mele of thoughts, gripes, grief, tips, appeals for help and outpourings that cover the entire spectrum of mental illness. People often vent their spleen randomly under the heading of Advice or give/ask for advice in the Discussion threads.
Also, it seems like the same old topics are coming up time after time. The point of this forum is that it's not a live chat room - it's there as a permanent repository of shared experience and accumulated learning, therefore we should all take more care with how we file our thoughts and feelings to make them accessible to others. Topic headings such as Do you ever ..? are poor signposts to what might be valid and highly relevant content.
I appreciate the need for catharsis (especially for F&F) but perhaps this should be confined to a section unto itself for free-form expression. People often go into incredibly personal and specific levels of detail in their postings. Im not saying this is inherently wrong but that kind of granularity means the post will only be relevant to a tiny minority. If people wish to establish a lengthy dialogue of a high personalised nature, perhaps this should be done via direct messaging rather than in the public spotlight of the discussion board.
Similarly, humorous postings intended to lift the spirits and nurture a sense of solidarity could equally have their own section where they may not offend the crisis-stricken with their perceived lack of gravity or respect. And vice versa does a complete newbie to mental health reeling from the fresh diagnosis of their 12 year old child as Bipolar need to be greeted at the gates of the BP board with suicide threats from a lifelong sufferer?
Heres a contentious one should Beepers be posting on the F&F forum? I think if you are a BP who can clarify or advise or provide a balanced insight from first hand experience that will help F&F members, your contribution is immensely salient, but I fear there will be a gradual migration of Beeper trolls and attention-seekers banished from their own pages onto the relatively unpolluted F&F board over time, further diluting the value and purpose of the forum.
Am I allowed to say, as a BP, that dealing with mental illness is exhausting but dealing with people dealing with mental illness shouldnt have to be so fraught. Also, please bear in mind that many people on these boards are troubled, irrational and in a highly delicate state anger is often hurt and upset turned inward so please dont be too quick to judge or condemn.
This site really operates according to the Garbage In, Garbage Out principle. We all have a duty to one anothers health and safety to maintain the cleanliness and quality of this open source community. Heaven knows were consistently let down by the mental health system, friends, families, employers, the media somewhere among us lies the formula for alchemy and if we dont come together in the spirit of discovery and progress, it may remain buried indefinitely.
Should I file this under Discussion or Rant...? ;o)
I am increasingly concerned that the quality and usefulness of these boards is being consistently eroded over time. As a BP-II, I have all but stopped keeping an eye on the BP forum as it is sometimes quite literally splashed with the kind of bile and vitriol that less charitable folk might call the rantings of madmen. This means that the diamonds of genuine insight and discovery are hard to spot in the rough.
In my opinion, this may in part be a reflection of the mental health of the contributors its plausible that during a dysphoric episode, the frenzy of racing thought or paranoia can manifest itself in the written word as well as in realtime interactions. However, Ive noticed similar angry, irrational and highly personal lines of attack starting to creep into Friends & Family (F&F) of late.
I believe there is a fundamental weakness in the way in which the boards are structured. Currently, there's a mele of thoughts, gripes, grief, tips, appeals for help and outpourings that cover the entire spectrum of mental illness. People often vent their spleen randomly under the heading of Advice or give/ask for advice in the Discussion threads.
Also, it seems like the same old topics are coming up time after time. The point of this forum is that it's not a live chat room - it's there as a permanent repository of shared experience and accumulated learning, therefore we should all take more care with how we file our thoughts and feelings to make them accessible to others. Topic headings such as Do you ever ..? are poor signposts to what might be valid and highly relevant content.
I appreciate the need for catharsis (especially for F&F) but perhaps this should be confined to a section unto itself for free-form expression. People often go into incredibly personal and specific levels of detail in their postings. Im not saying this is inherently wrong but that kind of granularity means the post will only be relevant to a tiny minority. If people wish to establish a lengthy dialogue of a high personalised nature, perhaps this should be done via direct messaging rather than in the public spotlight of the discussion board.
Similarly, humorous postings intended to lift the spirits and nurture a sense of solidarity could equally have their own section where they may not offend the crisis-stricken with their perceived lack of gravity or respect. And vice versa does a complete newbie to mental health reeling from the fresh diagnosis of their 12 year old child as Bipolar need to be greeted at the gates of the BP board with suicide threats from a lifelong sufferer?
Heres a contentious one should Beepers be posting on the F&F forum? I think if you are a BP who can clarify or advise or provide a balanced insight from first hand experience that will help F&F members, your contribution is immensely salient, but I fear there will be a gradual migration of Beeper trolls and attention-seekers banished from their own pages onto the relatively unpolluted F&F board over time, further diluting the value and purpose of the forum.
Am I allowed to say, as a BP, that dealing with mental illness is exhausting but dealing with people dealing with mental illness shouldnt have to be so fraught. Also, please bear in mind that many people on these boards are troubled, irrational and in a highly delicate state anger is often hurt and upset turned inward so please dont be too quick to judge or condemn.
This site really operates according to the Garbage In, Garbage Out principle. We all have a duty to one anothers health and safety to maintain the cleanliness and quality of this open source community. Heaven knows were consistently let down by the mental health system, friends, families, employers, the media somewhere among us lies the formula for alchemy and if we dont come together in the spirit of discovery and progress, it may remain buried indefinitely.
Should I file this under Discussion or Rant...? ;o)
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Thanks for posting this!!
Let's HOPE THAT MANY READ AND UNDERSTAND THE STATEMENT ABOVE!!
I personally do not care how anyone chooses to name their topics such as "Do you ever..." because they are often somebody crying out wanting to hear if anyone else is experiencing what they do. I would have problems if anyone was asking for personal suggestions as to how to inflict harm upon a person because of their illness but nobody has done that thankfully.
I will always find humor to be appropriate when dealing with pain. There are times when one shouldn't use it such as when someone dies in the family or someone is in deep pain and is clearly crying. One must be smart as to how humor is used as to not offend the person. Often humor can help relieve that person of much of the anger that they are experiencing. I use humor myself when describing my situation as a way to relax me and I will share it in virtually anyones post if it relates. I am not cracking jokes about their situation but I am cracking jokes by my situation that they too are experiencing and that is the smart way to do it.
You will keep hearing same topics over and over again in here simply because this is about bp disorder and not a whole host of things. We have newbies that join everyday and these posts are not new to them. They want to hear it. It isn't new to us either when we deal with the same issues every day and would like to share it with others and get it off our chest. We like going into detail with a group of hearers so that we do not feel alone. I wouldn't want to private message each person here but would like to hear others that have been where I am at. People get so descriptive because they never get it off their chests and this is where they are doing it. It gives them a sense of relief.
We have all here without exceptions have welcomed bps and their comments. We would love to hear inside tips on how to better relate to a bp loved one. What makes them act the way they do and what to do when they are having a bad day. I was misquoted elsewhere and thanks to Chandler, he noticed it and pointed it out. I was misquoted as not wanting to have bps here but only bps that seek to come here to stir up trouble and that was it. We do view this as our community where we can all meet and share the stresses that we are having at home. One lady wanted to share how her x boyfriend was to her and she didn't need to have crap thrown in her face because one person took offense and interpreted her whole post differently. We want to share the things that we observe in our own language and the pain that we experience as often as we like without being told that we are wrong in doing it. Several of us have taken it upon ourselves to do something about that and hopefully soon this community will be back to the way it was and people are not getting upset when words they choose are being challenged all the time.
Hypokitty, I loved this paragraph by you and I can only say Amen to it:
"Heres a contentious one should Beepers be posting on the F&F forum? I think if you are a BP who can clarify or advise or provide a balanced insight from first hand experience that will help F&F members, your contribution is immensely salient, but I fear there will be a gradual migration of Beeper trolls and attention-seekers banished from their own pages onto the relatively unpolluted F&F board over time, further diluting the value and purpose of the forum."
Well said and let that be the goal!! Thank you Hypokitty for this post!
It's great that people with bp are coming here, I've had a lot of awesome advice from an inside perspective from them but I do see your point, the nastiness on here could put new people off posting on here when they need to reach out or just vent.
I also agree with alot that you say Hypokitty, and it is nice to have someone talk some sense. However it is fraught dealing with a loved one with bp, sometimes it is pure hell.
As I put in one of my journals, Bipolar is shit, not just for the suffers but for the family too.
I am new here, about a week or so, genuinely seeking insight and advise, and trying to share where I think I can make a meaningful comment.
The very petty arguing and snipes being made back and forth had me about to post that I was going to not come back, because it was adding to my stress to come here, rather than helping.
Of course, the nature of the topic, mental illness, and those dealing with it, lends itself to people being more sensitive than other types of forums, but if you cant say something constructive, dont say anything at all, rather than hurt someone who is here because they are hurting!
(No one has hurt my feelings personally, I just hate to see it happening to anyone.)
We are all adults here, and most of us are dealing with similar things; let's share our stories and insights in a way that makes people feel welcome and comfortable, not like they will get called out for venting!
However, having also posted this on the BP site, I have been absolutely pilloried. I think had I confessed to being a war criminal or enjoying kicking puppy dogs in my spare time, the reaction couldn't have been more negative and hostile. It's hurt and upset me very deeply and boy, did I feel alone there for a while. I will not be posting on the BP forum again.
I am sorry to say that many of my fellow Beepers aren't very open minded when it comes to mental health - I hope this is symptomatic of this destructive illness rather than of their core beliefs.
peace x
It can be easy for some to criticise but not so easy to be on the receiving end of it.
I saw how hard they were on you on the bp board & it really pissed me off. The last thing we want here is the 'us & them' mentality, like I've said several times now, I value the input of those with bp to help me better understand how to deal with issues that come from loving someone with bp.
I say this b/c i know how lost i would feel with out the F&F community.
*big hugz* and like i said before
pls stay with us here and rant away. =p
as in....not leaving the group for good?