OK, so I read the post and am just apalled (sp?) at some of the moronic things people say.

But . . . there are also times when I wish I knew what to say to make my bp and bpd daughter feel better. Unfortunately I find myself at a loss most of the time.

i wouldn't say most of those in a million years, but......i have said to my mum that she needs to make the effort and go out, only purely cos she just doesn't go out on her own at all and stays in bed all day.
I just want her to have a life, not just exist.

I have to be honest, that post kinda pissed me off. People who love/care about people they know with bp are screwed either way. You think we know what to say and do? Like its easy to just give and give and give all the time without getting anything back?
SorryI'm venting.I had a terrible night last night

You are right Star, we may say inappropriate things at times, but when the mania gets hold of my mum she is vile and says the most terribly hateful things to me. But I have to 'understand'???, because it is the illness - it still bloody hurts!!!

Hey, starwaddle, I'm with you. It takes unimaginable patience to live for any length of time with a person with bipolar illness, watching the person you love turn into a complete stranger at times. Even when you understand the illness, you still want to interact with the person as if they are a normal adult.
The scorn and anger I see in that post just make me wonder how I ever managed to stick out 18 years of depressive and manic episodes with my ex!

I've had a look & I wouldn't dream of saying most of those things!
One term I have to make sure I don't say in our house is that my bf is 'sick.' The term in our house is 'unwell.'

Starwaddle, I hear what you're saying, it's never easy to know what to say. A couple of those posts did offend me a bit, I try my hardest to do & say the right things when my bf is unwell but it's not enough.
Yes, I get that it's bloody hard for people with bp but we're the ones that love them & it's hard for us too. That's why I'm here,for insight & support.

Thank you guys for understanding what I was talking about. I would never dream of saying most off the stuff they mention but just some of the posts made me mad, sometimes its hard not to try and point out all the good stuff in somebodys life when they are down, or to ask whats wrong b/c sometimes there is a problem and its not just the depression. But I am much better today!

Ok here is my take on it. Yeah some of the things that were brought up in that thread were things that shouldn't be said but I'll be damned if I am going to be made to feel bad for checking in. Just because my wife has BP doesn't mean I am a friking mind reader.

I sense so much anger from the BP discussion group when it comes to things like this that it really dismays me at times. I can understand getting peeved about some comments but if I am checking in with my wife and trying to assess her situation by asking how she is feeling and trying to put a positive spin on things and she doesn't like the fact that I am being positive then too bad. Should I let all the negativity drag me down too?

Just my two cents for what its worth.

"I sense so much anger from the BP discussion group when it comes to things like this that it really dismays me at times"

One of the reasons I left that community Halbur, although there are some fab people on there.

Yes there are some really terrific folks there.

i agree with both of you guys about the negativity. i understand that BP is hell but my BF is not negative like that. even when he's depressed. negativity is a choice! i have compassion on them but sometimes you have to let people wallow in their pit if that is what they want. it really bothered me with alot of the comments that were made on the "God" discussion. it's like they enjoy destroying others. well they say misery loves company.

I'm not so sure that negativity s a choice in BP illness. One of the reasons I married my guy was because he had sucha wonderful and positive outlook on things. It was when the illness struck that he became negative -- outright paranoid at his sickest, and pessimistic at his best. For him, at least, I think it was clearly a brain chemical thing.

My mum is full of negativity when she is stable on meds - nothing is good, nothing is right, only time she is positive is when she is manic, and that is an unrealistic positivity, cos she thinks she is omnipotent.