Hablur buddy, I'm sorry to hear all of that. It's too bad that we all live so far away because I think it would be great if we as a group could get together on a Friday night like they do with AA meetings. Typing to each other provides minimal relief.

You need now to talk to someone personally as this crap you are experiencing in the home life is taking you over the edge. Yes, keep your child in mind and never lose sight of him. I too look at my son as a reason to keep trying in my marriage. Your son needs a stable father figure as your wife cannot be that for him. If you were to end it, then your son will hurt more than you are right now and he will pay the price in the future because of that action.

I know the isolation that you are going through and it can really drive you bonkers. I now resort to daydreaming always wondering what a happy marriage is like. What a normal spouse is like? What true love and affection is like? I don't know these things and yet long for them but I also keep my eyes fixed upon things that truly count or I too would go ballistic. Some weeks are harder than others and some days seem unbearable but that is part of life and we ALL will have days like those.

You are well liked here and that is obvious. I know that you are a decent guy and we are all here for you buddy!! Hey, I am in the mud with you so let's help each other the best we can to get out of the mire. You have helped me before and offered constructive criticism and that is what I am now doing with you. You never know, next week I may be at my whits end and you will be there to pull me out. Please hang in there as you are among friends that are also in that same boat as you.

Cody,

Thans a ton for your reply. I am not going to end it I was just curious if anyone else has been so driven that a "normal" person would just break over it all.

I actually feel loads better reading your response and having had typed out all that. Being a caregiver sucks big time occassionally.

I felt a lot the same at one stage when things were really bad & I just couldn't take it any more. Suicidal thoughts entered my head but thoughts of my daughter kept me going.

The only relief I found was when my boyfriend went into hospital. I remember the day after he'd gone it there was a feeling of calm over the house & instead of tears of sadness I wept tears of joy.

Is it possible to have your wife put into respite care for a few days to give you & your family a break? I understand if she's not happy about it & it's not an option.
We're in the system with a great place that can provide a couple of weeks of respite care when we feel it's needed, my bf can go & stay at a place for a couple of weeks to get on his meds if necessary & give me a break.

I wish they had places like this worldwide, unfortunately the system is so busy concentrating on helping the mentally ill person that us loved ones are overlooked.

It's good that you're getting help, I find that when my bf's unwell his crazy feeds mine & we're no good to each other in this state. It can make the sanest of us question our sanity.

Hang in there & stay on here, your friends are just a key tap away :)

I think we all can say we've been there!!

I've had/have the same thoughts myself as the Hab/Cody.

It was ezier for to leave i guess. Than it is/was for most.

I am sorry to hear your all going through this.

Hugs
BIG
HUGS

Hablur, I am glad to hear what you said. I didn't think that was something you would do but I wasn't going to risk it either.

Humor goes a long way in reducing stress. That is why 90% of my journals are full of things that make us laugh. Many of my posts are often silly and this is how I keep myself somewhat calm. I am not trying exactly to be the group comedian but things that frustrate the hell out of me, I try my darndest to make light of it. Some days I just can't and vent and we will see plenty of those.

Your situation isn't funny but if you can somehow find humor or make yourself laugh then you will find some way to deal and relieve yourself of stress.

There are many other ways to relieve stress (meditation, music and so on) but humor is my number one stress reducer that I resort to doing. Try sharing something about your wife that is funny in a way. Here's one of mine. My wife slept using my pillow. I saw a big drool stain on it later and complained with my son too close by. My son went and told her that she needs to close her mouth when she sleeps because "you drooled on daddy's pillow." Now I was in deep water for that but sharing things like that work wonders in relieving much tension.

Let me know if I can help with anything.

hablur,

there's no compairing two situations like these... but as an only child of a mother with BP [heh...or maybe BPD] i can't tell you how much your presence is doing for your son.

I just hope that knowing that helps you in some way.
a few years ago my mother got married, and it was a blessing for me.
Even at age 22, it helped me so much to see my mother act like a more like a mother...even if it was just for a little while,...

I'm so sorry you guy's are going through this...it's really unfair. I'd think that the courts would see your case =[

Gads, Hablur, I was "situationally" depressed for years, and yes, had lots of suicidal thoughts from time to time.
It took his last and worst decompensation for me to realize that there was another alternative. For me, divorce (which had previously been unthinkable) was in large part an alternative to suicide -- or being suicidally depressed.

Hi hablur & Cody an all. My father commited suicide when I was Seven... Leaving me in the care of BPD mom... It was a knightmare... With a sword? Its what has prevented me on many occation, Like you It passes through my mind but I never voice it cos I know I'll never leave my son to expierience my life... Seems like we are all just hanging on by our finger tips. Needing you all so much Love Song

Oh and all your advice is right on and very helpfull you are a wise man, your points about humour are right on the button I agree with all you have said(damn you!) ;) Song

Proper respite for Carers is something that is 'ongoing' in the big picture of mental health in the UK.

cant agree on that dag, carers respite in the UK is at best patchy and at worst none existent and completely uninteresting to the PHCT who are expected to pay for it. The best you can hope for is some sort of half way house that a BPer can go to for a few days at a time.
Not what Id call respite tho.

Love and light

BM