You are not alone, everything you write sounds like my mum.

The only way I cope is to emotionally detach myself.

*hugz*
my mum is BP too. I have nightmares about her loosing her job...it would be hard for her to get fired, but she's gotten in trouble before and had to move to a different location.
i can't imagine how hard it is to be that involved with my mum. I'm away at school now and she's begun to have another episode...there's not a chance i'm going to give up my education. It's the only thing i ever wanted for myself.
Are there other family members you could talk to about this?
There's got to be some financial help she can get b/c of the current situation no?

I don't have the best coping skills... But i've been trying, funny youtube videos, exersize, stone carving, journaling, free association writing, ranting here, cuddles with pets, constant drawing/painting, and i recently started talking to friends about it. I did a lil bit of detaching as well, gods that's hard to do =/ but it's important i think.

You not alone *hugz* there are some great peeps here, don't be afraid to reach out to them. Can you talk to her pdoc about what you found on the computer?

Hi, Branwen.

Sorry you are in such a gnarly situation right now...you can't help who your parents are, and you definitely don't deserve so much drama in your life! (My dad is BP but not as severe.)

I'm curious why you are the primary caregiver for your mother. I know you love her and she probably pushes all your buttons in an attempt to control your behavior. But you are the child, not the parent or the partner, and you owe it to yourself to become a healthy, independent adult. Her craziness will drive you crazy if you continue to stay with her.

If she really is threatening suicide, maybe you can get her hospitalized for a while until she cools off. It will give you a much-needed break, too.

I strongly encourage you to move out when you can. Go back to school, get an apartment with friends... Immerse yourself in people who have healthy habits and communicate fairly & rationally...you need some time and distance to heal yourself so you won't keep getting drawn back into relationships fraught with chaos and instability .

You don't have to shoulder this burden all by yourself. If the rest of the family won't help out, then maybe look into social services that can. What does her doctor say about options for group homes, etc?

It's really good that you are reaching out. Don't let yourself be isolated.

Hugs!

My sister is bipolor was diagnosed five years ago.she lost her job to. She is on SSI now it took 2 years but it was worth it. Is your Mom on meds? And you should get her help if she is talking about suicide.Do you have any brothers or sisters that can help? You have a life to and hopes and dreams.My sister found the right doctor and meds and is doing so much better.Take one day at a time and get help for your Mom so you can have a life.