I'm not really sure what I want to say. This is my first time on here. My hubby has BP. We have been together for 4 yrs and have 3 small children. He has been on and off meds. I have always been so strong and supportive to him. I love him very much, sometimes it seems like desperate love. Most of my friends and family think this is an impossible situation. They support me, but are tired of the desperate, panicky calls every few months. The last time was bc he never came home from work(7:30p)and then I found out he took some drugs. I was so scared, calling hospitals and jails! I was scared on so many different levels. Is he dead? Is he really messed up and cheating on me? Is he passed out somewhere suffering? I took the kids and went to my in-laws bc I was scared he might mix liquor with the mania and get violent. So he finally calls at 5am like hey whats up! I lost my phone blah blah blah... The selfishness kills me and I feel manipulated alot. Then there are the few months inbetween mania or depression that are wonderful! He is sweet and loving! I have never felt ready to give up until now! I want to keep our family together, but feel like I cant handle living in fear of the next episode...
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