
Family & Friends of Bipolar Support Group
This community is dedicated to parents, siblings, grandparents, other relatives and friends of someone who is Bipolar. The purpose of this community is to help families and friends develop greater patience and understanding, as well as maintain a positive, caring relationships with those diagnosed as Bipolar.

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I keep hearing that I need to set limits on behavior but I really need help with specifics of this idea. What are some things I can say about this? She doesn't like the meds because she is too "lethargic" but she has not really given them time for this side effect to lessen. She seems to constantly be in a mixed state and I don't know what to do. Tonight, she threatened to leave and spoke about suicide. Of course, it is all because I am not supportive enough. I also would like to know if the manipulation and controlling are part of the illness or just her "pleasant" personality. I feel like sometimes she gets mad and throws a tantrum and then, turns around and acts all apologetic just to get to me and make me feel sorry for her. And that she is manipulating me to control the situation. My counselor doesn't think that it is all from bipolar. Can you help before I let it destroy my kids?
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I've learned too late since the divorce that I was being emotionally abusive and manipulative.
Consider asking to see his therapist for help to understand your partners illness and ways to help. I think if my wife had ever called 911 on me when I threated suicide and they showed up at teh door, I might have learned my lesson sooner. I wished my marriage could have been saved. consider sitting down with your spouse and discussing this:
http://www.webmd.com/bipolar-disorder/guide/helping-loved-one-with-bipolar?print=true
Boundaries can be such simple things in how she talks to you. I don't mean requiring her to speak a certain way but one boundary is that it is not acceptable to scream at me for no reason. And that does mean that if I forgot to out the toilet seat down the appropriate way is for her to ask you as a way of a reminder not through a 2 hour tirade. Another boundary is punishment of kids since you have kids involved.
Under no circumstances can she punish the kids inappropriately. What I mean by this is the punishment has to fit the offense. FYI - I am working very hard to teach my wife this because of her rage issues with BP. You need to help set the boundaries there.
Is this making any sense? I am trying to give simple examples of setting boundaries but I am not sure.
Another completely different set of boundaries is the me vs. you set. What I mean by that is you have to have time for yourself too. If they are constantly trying to control your actions and throwing fits about any perceived thing you do it is crucial to set up a boundary of what you will and wont do.
It is important to remember that even though they have this disease and you are there helping them you are not a rug to be walked on. You are a spouse and they have to step up and be your spouse as well. No excuses. I think a lot of the time we get so tangled up in this that we forget that we really are husband and wife and we each have responsibilities in the relationship. You do not have to walk on egg shells. By doing sure you are feeding into the disease and letting it run both your lives. Setting boundaries is perhaps one of the most important things you can do. Just remember that there will be a lot of fighting on their part at first over this and you need to de-escalate the situation not fall into it and get into a screaming match or whatever. If they threaten to leave, then show them where the door is. If they start talking about suicide tell them you will happily take them to the ER but this is still going to be how it is when they get out.
This may be scary to do but in some ways we become enablers to the disease and to help them recover we cant. We need to be there for them on serious episodes and be their spouses. If they can not and will not work to heal themselves then I am sorry to say this but take your kids and move on.
"I feel like sometimes she gets mad and throws a tantrum and then, turns around and acts all apologetic just to get to me and make me feel sorry for her."
My wife kicks me head in and then acts like, "Sorry" erases all of it instantly.
My head is buzzing from all the times I get screamed at and then shortly later she is in her right mind saying, "Hi honey, want to go somewhere and get a bite to eat?"????????????????????????????????
I think she is right when she says that I need medication. Yeah, give me lots of them please.
if i don't react enough, she get's more angry... it just stopped scaring me, i couldn't cry...it took more and more for her to get that out of me. Only then would i have the chance to come groveling back...and apologize for being so disrespectful, and inconsiderate.
after that she'd feel bad and cry and want to hug and talk and talk and fucking talk...
*ahem*
yeah...so attention was the goal? control? b/c i was constantly afraid of her leaving
i don't have a clue what kind of boundries i can set with my mother....but i would really apreciate any ideas. Her husband has recently passed away,...and i know last time she was alone she was very self-distructive and suicidal. =/