P.S. I have tried telling her that she shouldn't be involved in discipline of the kids because she doesn't have control of her temper but she thinks that I am just cutting her out of everything and that she should not have to sit by and watch the kids "get away with murder."

sorry about that l not sure what l did. Any way l was saying my husband also is very controling and manipulateive, and l do think it depense on who you talk to about it, l had a phyic say l was being mentaly abused yet since learning more about bipolar, and reading people posts l feel many cares are dealing with the same controle and manipulation issuse. With my husband l find that when his on a downer the controle measers are worse and he has trouble remember what has happened in this time frame. So when he is confronted about thing he beleives you are making up lies about him. good luck and please advice me on the out come Jane7146

This sounds like some other discussions going on that I just commented to. When I married I am afraid I used my illness to manipulate. I didn't feel my wife wanted to understand my illness and she backed away.

I've learned too late since the divorce that I was being emotionally abusive and manipulative.
Consider asking to see his therapist for help to understand your partners illness and ways to help. I think if my wife had ever called 911 on me when I threated suicide and they showed up at teh door, I might have learned my lesson sooner. I wished my marriage could have been saved. consider sitting down with your spouse and discussing this:

http://www.webmd.com/bipolar-disorder/guide/helping-loved-one-with-bipolar?print=true

I am not sure limits are the right word. My therapist uses the word boundaries. Basically the idea is for you to set up boundaries and they can't be crossed. Along with this comes the idea that you have to de-escalate situations.

Boundaries can be such simple things in how she talks to you. I don't mean requiring her to speak a certain way but one boundary is that it is not acceptable to scream at me for no reason. And that does mean that if I forgot to out the toilet seat down the appropriate way is for her to ask you as a way of a reminder not through a 2 hour tirade. Another boundary is punishment of kids since you have kids involved.

Under no circumstances can she punish the kids inappropriately. What I mean by this is the punishment has to fit the offense. FYI - I am working very hard to teach my wife this because of her rage issues with BP. You need to help set the boundaries there.

Is this making any sense? I am trying to give simple examples of setting boundaries but I am not sure.

Another completely different set of boundaries is the me vs. you set. What I mean by that is you have to have time for yourself too. If they are constantly trying to control your actions and throwing fits about any perceived thing you do it is crucial to set up a boundary of what you will and wont do.

It is important to remember that even though they have this disease and you are there helping them you are not a rug to be walked on. You are a spouse and they have to step up and be your spouse as well. No excuses. I think a lot of the time we get so tangled up in this that we forget that we really are husband and wife and we each have responsibilities in the relationship. You do not have to walk on egg shells. By doing sure you are feeding into the disease and letting it run both your lives. Setting boundaries is perhaps one of the most important things you can do. Just remember that there will be a lot of fighting on their part at first over this and you need to de-escalate the situation not fall into it and get into a screaming match or whatever. If they threaten to leave, then show them where the door is. If they start talking about suicide tell them you will happily take them to the ER but this is still going to be how it is when they get out.

This may be scary to do but in some ways we become enablers to the disease and to help them recover we cant. We need to be there for them on serious episodes and be their spouses. If they can not and will not work to heal themselves then I am sorry to say this but take your kids and move on.

Just read your post. I sure know this comment you made:
"I feel like sometimes she gets mad and throws a tantrum and then, turns around and acts all apologetic just to get to me and make me feel sorry for her."
My wife kicks me head in and then acts like, "Sorry" erases all of it instantly.
My head is buzzing from all the times I get screamed at and then shortly later she is in her right mind saying, "Hi honey, want to go somewhere and get a bite to eat?"????????????????????????????????

I think she is right when she says that I need medication. Yeah, give me lots of them please.

Thanks for your help. It is nice to know that I am not alone. But, I think I am also finding out that she is playing games more often than I thought.

highly manipulative mother...
if i don't react enough, she get's more angry... it just stopped scaring me, i couldn't cry...it took more and more for her to get that out of me. Only then would i have the chance to come groveling back...and apologize for being so disrespectful, and inconsiderate.
after that she'd feel bad and cry and want to hug and talk and talk and fucking talk...
*ahem*
yeah...so attention was the goal? control? b/c i was constantly afraid of her leaving

i don't have a clue what kind of boundries i can set with my mother....but i would really apreciate any ideas. Her husband has recently passed away,...and i know last time she was alone she was very self-distructive and suicidal. =/