I come to these sites because it is the ONLY place where I don't feel alone, others get "it" and I have read so many posts from others that I could have written myself, it does bring me some comfort. I want to start by saying that I have tried getting help myself for a long period of time through professionals but I can not pull myself up. This week has been particularly hard since I have finally let my 18yo BP/BPD daughter go....I have found myself researching the best way to complete a painless suicide, while at the same time knowing that I could never do that to my family and I am too much of a coward to try something that wouldn't be guaranteed....I have never been more unhappy with my life as a whole and I am tired, so very tired. I don't say this for attention...I say this because when I acknowledge these feelings it helps me work through them. I have had fleeting thoughts for a while off and on now, but these past couple of days it has been much worse, my mind going to places it never has before. I feel like I am only alive because I am still breathing....I am so done, sick of being sad, stresses, worried, consumed....this is my rock bottom....
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theatre and I are there already. I'm having a very berry tea with crackers, cheese and cherry tomatoes and she's having a joint with some beer and we're both on really comfy recliners on thick pile carpet. we need some help with the decor if anyone is around??
I'm trying to exercise daily. I was doing fairly well until I sprained my ankle 2 weeks ago but now I'm getting back on the horse. Today I walked over a mile with my arm weights that are about 22lbs total. I was out of shape and it was hard on my arms. I also did my 30 situps. I'm also going to drink a lot of water and try to eat healthy. I do tend to have a sweet tooth but I'm cutting...