I don't think you get over the past. I still have it very much with me all the terribly hurtful and dangerous things my mum has done to me when manic.

You have to accept it and make it make you stronger or you let it eat away at you and resent your mum even more.

I try to seperate the things the illness causes the person to do from the person.

My daughter says things that can hurt me when she is in a manic episode, things that she would never say when she is herself. I know she doesnt mean these things. They still hurt. I have to remember that it is the mania talking.

My brother has done some terrible things over the years, especially recently. I remind myself that the brother I love would not do the things his illness has lead him to do. I get angry with the Bipolar disorder.

Being a child of a person with BP, that has to have been terribly hard on you, and probably harder to be as forgiving, as this is a person who should have been there for you. Thankfully your father was there for you. Try to remember that she has less control over her responses than nonBP do. I know its hard, but holding on to the anger will hold you back from going on with your own life.

Im a nonBP mom, and I certainly have lost my temper and yelled alot mmore than I mean to at times, and feel horrible afterwards. I still remember my daughter saying *Could you use the nice Mommy voice!*

There is a saying that goes something like this, "You have to forgive them not to let them off the hook but to forgive them for yourself."

Carrying around a bunch of baggage myself I certainly understand how you feel. The truth is that when we hold on to things that someone has done to us it is really giving that person power over us. I know in your head you intellectually understand that most if not all of it was the disorder but your heart is holding on to the pain. Truly forgive them in your heart so it no longer has power over you.

One thing that would certainly help you is that when she is well cherish those times and make good memories. Let the good memories overshadow the bad. I know that is hard to accomplish but with effort and time it can be done. No matter what happens the past can not be erased... we arent a hard disk taht can just have memories deleted.

I wish you luck with this and hope I was able to offer somewhat helpful advice.

I am in a similar situation atm. I think, for me i have decided to deal with the abuse i received growing up as just that, abuse. But i made a split somewhere in my head for my mum. I see that she is not well, and can not help it. I'm still really angry with her, but i need to be. It's hard dealing with this and living with the person [specially if they are still abusive]. But i am an adult now, and i take responsibility for any further abuse, it is my choice. The anger fades much faster that way. heh....a lot easier said then done. i've only started on tat one.

as far as not being mean, and having respect for my mother... I do respect her, a lot. But i needed to rearrange who she is to me now...she's not a mom,....she's my mum. And the relationship comes with out expectations from her [er at least i try]. I care about her more as a part of myself....and not as a parent.
Having independence and power over my own life helps with that a lot. I've realised in the last few months that we are co-dependant, even if we are not emotionally close to each other.

sorry for the rant,...i'm just hoping the nitty gritty will be helpful to you. As i know i'm insanely curious about that with others.

some ppl here gave me a few great links...

http://www.healthyplace.com/communities/bipolar/related/support_021.asp

http://www.dbsalliance.com/

http://youarenotcrazy.com/