i agree, there are lots of good things as well. My DXBP mother is the most important person in my world, i luv her bunches. However i believe the negative posts here are in the name of venting, and that is healthy. What are the worst things you've ever said or thought about a loved one?
My mum isn't sorry for herself at all btw, she's a sucessful, strong, and beautiful woman.

But i am sorry for myself. I am sorry for the little girl that had to depend on her and her alone for her every need. I had to be placed in a bubble b/c of neglect as an infant [my baby teeth grew in brown from all the meds], my father's idea of humor was shoot at me to spice up our target practice, i was brought to crack houses and molested/god knows what, and my mother has been physically and mentally abusive my entire life. I have a right to be angry and to vent, i'm sorry if that's hurtful to you. I am working through these things and all the ones i haven't mentioned. I have come to understand that this diease is just that, and painful for her as well. For me, it is still child abuse, and i am going to be angry for a long time to come. I can bottle that, or i can do something healthy like post here. Please don't think that means that this is all i feel for her or people with BP disorder. I simply feel that i was treated horribly, and that is not okay.

I apreciate your post, and any insight you can give me into the disease and am truely glad to have you as a member of this group. I just hope that it doesn't have negative effects on you.

yes, I had trouble with an unmedicated bp parent as a child, it really was tough. They are medicated now & utterly calmed etc...I have let go & seen that they were quite unwell. I guess I try and separate out the illness from the person.

& sometimes people hang all bad behaviour on the bipolar when it's actually personality issues.

Yes there are good things Lou, but after being a member of the Bipolar board before now I felt upset at times at some of the posts on there, how people didn't seem to care the damage done.
It works both ways.

Yes, bipolar people can be creative, intelligent, funny - my mum used to be all those things before she was dx and medicated.
My mum is one of the cleverest person i know, but i don't know if that has to do with her bipolar or if it is just her.

Yes, it sometimes is the person, not the bipolar, but with my mum I can see what is mania and what is not, but yes sometimes it is hard to separate the person from the bp.
Growing up with a bp mum was incredibly hard, as you can appreciate going through it yourself, and it is still hard.
I am an only child, when she goes ill there is only me to sort it out and take the abusive. No one else.
I need somewhere to share what it feels like.

The posts aren't negative, this is what we go through, this is how we feel and we shouldn't feel we can't express ourselves, something most of felt we couldn't do til this community was made.

I'm glad that you said that "seperate the illness from the person". It's something i've heard oftain,...but i just don't think the full impact clicked untill this moment. Because she still does have some memory when she's not in a rage. And why didn't she look at my bruses when not in a rage and do something to stop it? My mother is insanely chill sometimes, but has never been nurturing or caring for me in that way. It's hard to seperate that.

b/c it is STILL hurting and effecting me no matter what it is. everyone heals in there own time and in there own way. I am glad that you were able to. I know i will find my way, but it is always going to be there. None of us are promised anything out of life, this is something that i could see as a child. But seperating the person from the illness is impossible if you do ont know what the illness is. For me, i've began my research on BP disorder 3 weeks ago. I was lucky enough to come across a few DX's totally on accident regaurding my mother. I'm just not there yet. Now i understand the fact that every single criminal, abuser, and horrible act comes from mentally ill people. So far, it still scares me and is still not okay.

Avelanche....i know what you mean...i was never allowed ceirtain feelings growing up...it's really such a blessing to be able to have them now, and to type them. Having other people who know what i'm going through is so helpful.
i don't think i could handle the BP boards right now...i'm just too hurt and angry. even just hearing that is making me angry.

I'm sure that every person here living with someone that has bp disorder can share nice things about their spouse and I have seen posts that dealt with that, but that is not why we are here. If we were able to share nothing but nice things then we would never need to have come to join this community. We are here because some of us live with a bp that doesn't even realize the pain and stress that they are causing us and we seek some help from others that live with them as well.

As much as a bp doesn't think that we truly understand them and what they are going through is probably to the same degree that we think a bp doesn't understand us and what we go through.

My wife for example doesn't seem to realize when she has her fit of rage and attacks me verbally in ways I never heard before that I don't go from her low then into her high immediately and do not have too. I'm pissed off and 10 minutes later she is ready for sex (possibly) when I just got my teeth kicked in and I am to immediately comply??? She many times will look at me when I am sitting there quiet and pissed as having the problem because she is no longer tripping.

Many here feel the need to vent and share the negative things that their spouse does because many of us do not have someone to get these things off our chest with and this is how someone that is not bp copes. Hablur, hurtpoet, godschild and others need to get these things off their chest. There is no getting these things off our chest to a spouse that doesn't think that anything is wrong with them because they will start tripping on us again for bringing it up.

This is the Friends and Family OF those that have Bipolar and that is why there is a specific community just for us. You don't see us coming into the Bipolar community and disagreeing with how they are doing their posts. If the bps wanted to have a topic on how those without bp don't understand and are morons then they can feel free to post just that as that is their community and they are seeking to cope themselves.

Just remember, you are in a community where people here have dealt with physical, mental and verbal abuse from their partner. We have one guy here that has had a lamp cracked over his head. When this stuff happens often then we are not coming here to discuss on how nice our bp dresses. I have witnessed everyone here at one time say something positive about their bp loved one that their loved one is seeking help, that they are doing better, that they are trying this or that. The fact that some of us are not going through divorce court and coming here to learn how to cope is another positive thing. Most bps think that we should just stay in the marriage because that isn't the other person's fault and that is true. However, we are allowed to be happy and if one realizes that they will never be happy then they probably should move on. Trust me, people venting here is one of the biggest ways they are coping and keeping themselves from divorce court. They feel better after venting and hearing others here that live with a bp spouse going through the exact same problems.

Just remember, anything negative we write here doesn't have to be read by anyone. A person has to chose to read it. I will never downplay any persons negative writing here unless they start speaking from the standpoint of wanting to hurt someone because of it. If they want to say that their bp husband is a good for nothing SOB and that makes them feel better then so be it. So if you are looking for the positives then you will find very little here and understandably so.

And another thing, after being on the bipolar board here and I also admin a bipolar website, when topics come up like 'Things I did when i was manic' and the subsequent posts, at times it is found hilarious by other members of the bipolar boards, and doing one better than the previous post.
Being on the receiving end and having to deal with the 'things people do when manic' is bloody hard!!

I didn't have a bipolar parent, and I am not bipolar myself and I'm positive that since the bipolar in my life is my daughter it is a little easier for me to find the good than if she were my spouse/parent/sibling.
She does feel sorry for herself, but who can blame her, this disorder sucks. She is often mean and sarcastic and hurtful and many other negative things. However, she is also very kind, generous and caring. At 12 she does everything she can to insure that her 10 year old brother is sheltered from her illness as much as possible. Does she lose control? Yes, but every time she does her best to make sure she gets away from him before she does. She is smart, soooo smart, and knows it (results of IQ testing) but doesn't treat others like they are stupid. I could go on an on. I think lou2 doesn't disagree with the negative but was looking for trying to also have a discussion for us to list some of the positives, maybe to remind ourselves why we choose (for those of us who have a choice ;-) to continue supporting our bipolar family members.

I don't think we have a choice, I myself could not not walk away from my mum, however hard it gets.

I pulled back up our previous topic called THANKFUL where people here were saying positive things about their loved one(s).

I've been threatened with a knife, beaten in my sleep, been reduced to a quivering wreck by days of hatred and verbal abuse been accused of rape an arrested, lost all my freinds, been screamed at cos I wasnt paying attention to her as my dog died in my arms,had my musical instruments smashed, been arrested for voilence cos I called her a bitch once,nearly lost my home, lost my children, had my heart broken again an again,seen my mother made ill, Spent years without having my emotional needs met, And thats just the biggining I stayed by her through hell and high water gave her years of love and understanding only to be told she detested me an I never loved her! ect ect yes she was very clever and creative an I praised her for every little good she ever did, So where do I go to talk about this if not here...I'll support any one who needs help and many of my freinds here have bp or bpd an I love them... but dont ask me to soften my words on this forum Its just not fair... part of the therapy for bpd,s is coming to terms with the damage theve caused.. Face your fears! this is not kindergarden sorry!

Lou,

I can certainly appreciate where you are coming from in your thinking. It is always nice to read positive things and sometimes this board does do that. We laugh and joke as well, much like the regular BP board.

I can tell you honestly that I am grateful for this board because I often read the BP board and wanted to say something but I know from experience that it would be taken out of context.

This is a safe place for me to discuss how I feel and to get good solid advice from others. Many here have helped me understand more and I hope that I have helped others in that regard. I often share things that my therapist tells me about how to handle situations because so far she has been a real asset.

Do I still love my wife? Yes. I will always support her and do have some nice things to say like she has the prettiest smile I have ever seen. The trouble is I don't get to see that very often. She has a wonderful heart when she is not actively in the BP side of things.

This board is much like the BP board... we are here to chat with folks that truly understand our situation.

My personal opinion is that people really don't comprehend what we caretakers go through and how our hearts can get ripped out of our chest. It took a suicide trip to the hospital for my wife for her mother to finally accept this. She was out her for a month and finally saw what i live with on a day to day basis. The second time it happened she said she actually came out for me. She knew I needed a rest and she literally took over for 3 weeks to give me time to recharge and be able to handle things again. Is that selfish on my part? Nope. I would venture to guess that many that are here have BP spouses or SO's that are not quite at a place where things are even remotely under control.

All I can say is bravo to you Hablur and Songthatssad!! Very good posts!

I just took a glance at the Bipolar board, and on page 1 is this topic "Norms!!! They're never satisfied!!!!"

This community is a place for us to feel safe to express ourselves and the bipolar board is a place to express themselves, positive or negative.
But when I see posts like that, i feel as hurt as Lou does seeing what we write on here.

This is going to sound real cold hearted Avalanche but I don't really care about the posts on that board. A topic like that doesn't effect me one way or the other.

I figure it is thier way of blowing off steam too. I don't really look at it with much thought as I know I am doing the right thing for my family no matter how difficult it is for my wife. I also know that she would be dead right now without my interventions, so they can say anything they want about us "normals".