I find it's best to gently humour a person in a manic state..just go along with whatever enthusiasm they're gripped by...and let pdoc intervene??

Question: How do you gently humour a person who is angry and irritable?
I only ask because if i was to try that with my son I would probably have a something thrown at my head.

well, that is a strategy I've learnt...like, not reacting at all...being calm. Yes, it's scary...so non-confrontation is a way to try and de-escalate the situation.

David,
Sometimes there really is nothing you can do. Someone posted a fantastic post about how their son will throw fits sometimes, in restaurants or in public and she simply had to get to the point where she could take a deep breath and not chase out after him or allow her evening to be ruined.

I totally understand how you feel. My brother was just diagnosed with BP disorder and it can be SO painful to not be able to help him. Nothing I said could help him feel better or even ease his feelings, it just made him irritated. So irritated that he asked me not to call him or email him for two weeks. I was really heartbroken but after speaking to people here I realized I just couldn't have said the 'right' thing to have prevented his anger.

Best of luck! We just kind of need to toughen up and try to stay calm. Whatever you do, try to remember it's her disorder talking, NOT HER. I was so mad at my brother over how he spoke to me, it's been a real struggle to try to separate the two.

From my experience with my bp boyfriend, it pays to stay calm no matter what, bite your tongue, breathe deeply & remind yourself that with the right treatment & lots of love, it won't be like this forever.

Try not to take it personally, she's going through a lot of turmoil & right now it's all about her.

You've come to the best place:learn all you can & browse the boards, the insight from people with bp & supporters like us can help a lot.

i agree...staying calm. just being quite/still. I try and answer as many questions with questions as possible.
short and simple.

"why did you do this like this?"
me- "sorry, can you show me how to do it properly"?

hi David, may be walk away for a minture or two to collect your thought and anger and return when you are calm enought to talk- l beleive kfred has covered it quite well,good luck

Thank you to all who responded. Deep down, I know the advice to humor her mood/issue, be supportive when asked, and back away - give space is probably the best. Along with being there when needed, of course. We both went through this (her especially) when her mom was diagnosed and treated for BPI, but with the MIL, I could keep my distance a lot more easily when things became too intense.

Again, thank you all; I guess I need to thicken my skin a bit more and take it one day at a time.

oh, another thing, if yr wife is bp2 she wouldn't be displaying mania..it would be hypomania, a much milder state.

If my mum is manic, I find it easier to agree with everything she says. I've done the retaliation, doesn't work, just makes her abusive. To avoid the confrontation I just agree with her.

My son has extremely violent mania/depression periods. When he was 6 years old, I had to literally wrap my body around his to keep him from hurting himself or me for a 6 hour period. I held him as gently as possible and talked in a very calm voice. I've had most everything imaginable thrown at me, bowls of soup because it was the wrong size spoon, shoes, books, mops...dozens of windows and doors broken...even the windshield of my car.

In my son's case he is fast cycling and suffers post traumatic stress disorder resulting from abuse from his father, complicated by ADHD and epilepsy.

He rarely remembers what he's done when he comes out of it.

The way I handle it is to stay as calm as possible, say as little as possible and intervene only when there is a threat of someone being hurt. Once he is back to a stable state of mind, that's when we talk, trying to find the trigger, trying to figure out that moment when he felt it coming on so that in the future he might feel it and be able to develop a tool to avoid it...an activity that will calm him...saying a montra, playing a video game, running around the yard, etc.

I understand the pain you feel seeing your wife go thru this...it also hurts when they seem so cold and hurtful...I journal about it and try to remind myself of my son's compassion, sensitivity and desire to be so helpful when he is in a stable frame of mind.

It takes time to figure out the right cocktail of meds, behavioral patterns, triggers, etc. Patience, journaling, a good Pdoc and an occassional full body scream into a pillow help me thru the really tough days.

I agree with lou2 an kfred...stay cool...curb your need to yell back cause it will only add to the fire...let her just go thru it.

didn't read through the prior posts. but i just let my husband vent. i learned that you can NEVER WIN A BIPOLAR argument. i just let him be, and just be there for him. i have him take his meds (sometimes an extra dose based on the intesity of the episode), and that usually calms him down the most. just remember not to take what is said personally as hurtful as the words can be, she will likely reget what was said and feel enormously guilty the next day. just be there to support her afterwards too, that's important.

hang in there. best you can do is be there to reassure her that she will get through the episode, and she will feel better.

When we BPers are in this state, it is best to leave us alone and KNOW it is not us, but our conditon that is raising its ugly head. Make sure she is consistent with her meds and if seroquel is not helping the anger, discuss with your pdoc. Abilify may do the trick but for me, it gave me restless body syndrome. I could not stop moving with that med.

Also try to limit her exposure to sudden changes and surprises. And if you see her starting to get stressed out, ask her to take a break. this is what i have to do for myself. I call it unplugging and isolating myself.