Do you ever think that maybe you might be losing it? I know the stress of loving someone with BP is tremendous. I am really starting to think that I am losing it now. I am still hyperaware of everything and I think its starting to cause long term problems in my relationship with my BP husband. We had to make a trip to the dr last week b/c I just knew something was wrong...my hubby was a zombie. Just horrible...luckily he was that way at the dr's office and b/w me, his therapist, and the p-doc, it was decided to adjust his meds (down surprisingly =) ) Anyway, he's been cranky (still) and for some reason I just constantly think its directed towards me. We got into another arguement tonight b/c his body language always says one things and his mind another. To me I see shrugging it off, passive attitude, and rolling eyes. He swears he doesn't feel that way- we've brought up his body language in the past so he's aware. I just think that I have the fear that he will become hypersexual or something...he never has...or worse that if we don't 'talk' about everything he will wind up back in the hospital. I wonder if I am so sensitive about the whole thing as a way to push him away. I just don't know anymore. He told me tonight that I only remember the bad things...I forget about the good things. Is this true? Do I just focus on all the bad stuff and convince myself that things are horrible? To me I just see him constantly moody. Is he really this moody or is my mind playing tricks on me? I just don't know anymore. I know I need to find a therapist for myself...but I am still searching. I know that I am very lucky...reading others experiences make me feel numb. My husband has never cheated, never lost money or spent money excessively, he doesn't berate me...we had a real rough go last year but not as close as what I hear here. Granted my situation may not be as bad as someone elses' but its (BP) has still stolen my husband from me. He does snap at me and gets incredibly moody where the depression makes him turn into someone I don't know. I just wonder if I could be making it worse...making the mood swings worse or come on at all. I mean should he be moody all the time? Or am I imagining it?
thanks for letting me vent
thanks for letting me vent
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