I feel like I only come here in the middle of the negativity of my life. Today even though it has been a rough day, it is an important day. Today it is one year since my BP husband was hospitalized and considering the unthinkable. It was one year ago that I got to see first hand the wretched lies that BP makes people believe. I used to say it was when my nightmare began....now I look at it as a triumph. In one year, our lives have changed...the way we look at things has changed and the way we handle things is different but its all for the better in the long run b/c it helps to keep hubby stable. Yes we have our ups and downs! Boy do we and Boy are there times I want to throw the towel in but I love my husband and am committed to helping him. I have had my fair share of breakdowns and have come here for support (thank god for all of you who understand). We still have a long road and we're learning everyday. In one year....my husband has quit drinking, takes his meds every day and night, is slowly learning to communicate with me, can talk about his illness a little more easily, know which friends we can count on, and has actually smiled. These may sound like little things but they are huge to us! Its our little ray of sunshine...our little light at the end of the tunnel. Granted today has been difficult...he's moody and has been acting pissed at me for most of the day (he's going for some medical tests very soon and they have him worried)...but its nothing like it used to be. I know I still have A LOT to learn about not taking it all so personally..I'm trying I really am. I know that my moods are also influential on him and his ability to stay stable. I know that I need to not 'go at him' in an angry way b/c he can't help what BP does to him...in a year I have been able to acknowledge it and try to work on it. Change doesn't happen overnight. I wanted to write this post as a way to calm myself down after another argument with him but also as a way to remind myself of how far we have come, how far we have to go, and how much I love my BP husband
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