~*~ Welcome ~*~

You find loads of support, and many of us who relate the daily struggles..

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Love
Poet

Welcome to the family and friends community. A lot of the people here have really good advice for dealing with the different issues that have come up. I hope you find it as helpful as I have.
Stephanie

Welcome to you :)

Thank you all for the nice "Welcome".

My husband was diagnosed as having Bipolar 23 years ago. I never took the time to read up on his illness since I was having problems with my health since 22 (Lupus, Cancer,Fibromyalgia). I was the one who asked him to seek a Dr. for his anger. I was trying to deal with raising the kids and my health issues and his mood swings all at the same time. Boy looking back I was exhausted everyday.

He chose to be on meds and then after a year thought he was ok. During the 22 years off the meds life has been a roller coaster ride for me.

We have 4 children together and I would keep them out of his way on a daily base. He wasnt phsyical but very moody toward everyone. I was always afraid he may strike someday. But he never did.

I knew that raising the children was very important job to do. So I focused on the kids. I let the hubby do whatever he wanted to keep the peace.

But now the kids are grown and his Bipolar is worsening. In May he had a bad manic attack. He didnt want to seek help. He kept getting worse. So many damaging things were said and done by him towards me. Have any of you been told "I dont know if I want you anymore" These are harsh words when you just spent 31 years with the same man.

I have learned to forgive him but this time the forgetting is hard. Those awful words just keep going through my head.

During his manic state he decided not to come home from work. 2 1/2 hours would go by but no husband. I went investigating. He had been leaving work on a regular base. I asked him where he had been...he told me to his secret place. Ok...first time I have ever heard of a secret place. Kind of scared me when he said this.

I noticed cloths missing....he started grooming himself before work. His vehicle was spotless with air freshners. Kept telling me he needed space. And that I should understand.

I felt as if he was having an affair so I confronted him. He got so angry. I felt afraid of him. Really afraid. His eyes were scary. I never seen them look like this before. I am never to bring that subject up again. But it does bother me.

We get phone calls here now and when I answer they hang up. So I had the call traced. The owner of the number was given a letter by the law. Since...there has been no calls made here anonomous anymore.

I have been seeing a counselor. He thinks I should move on. The thing that makes this hard for me to do is....I love him....I love him so much. Its hard to listen to a counselor tell me he is not in love with me anymore. Sounds like you have a marriage of convience. I take care of everything in our home. If I were to leave....he would probably drown. But this is not what keeps me here. Its "Love".

Hubby is now on meds. I had made him an appt. I was surprised he had gone. But he did. Life is getting better but the moods are still present. I still cant talk about the things that have happened. He wont allow it. He acknowleges that he hurt me but cant hardly remember any of this manic state at all. Is is common for bipolars to forget things? That scares me!

Well thanks for letting me vent. I just dont think I can live like this by myself anymore. I need to be around others who deal with this on a daily base such as myself.

Take care everyone and thank you for the nice welcome:)

Hi Nana,

It sounds like you would really benefit by finding a local support group in your area, in addition to boards like this. I would look up NAMI in your state.

Its really good that you have a counselor for yourself. You are taking on far too much of the responsibilities, for far too long. That is really not a partnership. I know that you love your husband, but it seems so one sided! You are only 47! Thats not old, and its much too young to feel you have to spend the rest of your life bearing all the responsibility!

Have you and your husband had any marriage counseling, where you might be able to discuss your concerns of an affair, etc., in a place where you could be safe, and have an unbiased person to mediate?

Keep getting help for yourself, you deserve it!

Hi nana,

Welcome, you've definitely found the right place for support & understanding :)

Your story is a lot like others on here & I know there are a lot of us that can relate to what you've been through.

It's common for someone with bp to forget things they've said & done while manic, & unfortunately part of their bp is to hurt those of us that love them. Read up, even have a look at the bp boards, it can be helpful to have some insight from people with bp. Education has helped me a lot, it can be a confusing rollercoaster ride.

You're not alone!

Again, welcome :)

xxx

Welcome Nana,
DS is a grate site,if it`s advice- surport and friendship you are looking for you are bound to find it here. All the best heres a big hug to start you on your way.

wellcome i will send u my story of how i found out boyfriend is bd, i will be more then happy to be a friend and offer u support, am still new at this myself.

welcome =]
it's a really hard thing you live with, i'm sorry you guys are havin trouble =/ if he seems to be worsening though, maybe his med.s need an adjustment?

but this is a great community,...lots of peeps who can understand what your going through.

we all try and cope a lot of different ways.

i luv journalling about it,...helps a lot to rant =p
talking to my peeps here, and friends. I do a lot of painting and sculpture as well... exercise and making sure i get alone time helps a bit too.
oh...and lets not forget funny youtube videos =]

Thanks to all of you for being so kind and friendly. I hope to be of some help for others here. Take care!

we are here for you!!! i k now i can understand where you are coming from..it is hard, it does hurt, but i learned in a group of mine, teflon thinking..just let it move right away from you. i know i will say to the BP i know you are doing this because you are BP, but apparently that isnt the right thing to say either. in my experience, sit back, dont allow to be sucked into the cyclone, take care of yourself, stay strong in your faith! hope this helps!

Welcome, nana1960. You are not alone. This is a really great group of caring individuals who really understand what you're going through. Sometimes just sharing your journey and knowing someone else is going to read it means you've been heard....and that feels pretty good....especially on a day when you feel like no one cares and you're all alone on your journey. I echo the sentiments and advice that the others have offered. Wishing you well and sending hugs and smiles across the miles. ;-)

Welcome. I'm so sorry for all your pain... This group has been great for me. Reading others stories has been so helpful. Stay strong, and like someobody above said just getting out can be helpful too.

Welcome to the site.
Therapy for us and me helps. Having friends that will listen to you helps also.
It is not easy to deal with a bp spouse. Even when they don't mean what they say and are sorry it still hurts.
I fully understand!
:)

welcome to the site, I hope you've found it helpful so far.

The best advice I've been given is to find a support network for myself; if your H is willing go to therapy with him as well. I am sorry for all you've been through and hope things continue to get better.

Good luck.