Families of SOs Community Group

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Son being harassed and beat up in prison. I am afr

Good morning Daily Strength family,

I am in a very bad place this week. My son is and has been at the reception prison for almost 2 months. We are not sure why he is being held there so long. He says all the guys he came in with are gone and the ones who came after him have also been shipped out. My problem is that my son is being harassed and has to fight almost everyday. He says that he had to fight a gang member while in county jail. Since arriving at the reception prison various members from this gang has started fights with my son. My son says that each ticket that he received for fighting says that the other person was the aggressor. However, he is still put into the hole. I have called his case manager and he says this is not kindergarten and there is not much they can do. He also said "maybe your son is telling people that he is a sex offender." I asked him why would he do that?? What benefit would he derive from disclosing that information??? I also told him that my son says that each person that fights him says " you fought John and I am going to get you." I asked that we correspond by email. As it is hard to contact him by phone. He stated " we are not allowed to correspond by email." I have called the wardens office. I have only been allowed to talk to his secretary thus far. She has given me various numbers that are all connected to voicemails.
I don't know what to do. I will continue to call but it seems like I'm getting nowhere. I am so depressed. I can't eat or sleep. All I do is try to think of ways to help my son. I feel so helpless and hopeless. I know that my son must pay consequences for his actions but no one should have to go through this. Is there anyone out there who has any suggestions or ideas as to what I can do or who I can contact for help???? Please....Please Help.

Replies

amynmesa
amynmesa

I dont know what to even say, other than I feel so bad for you and your son.
deleted_user
deleted_user

My heart goes out to you. I can only imagine how you must feel. I have a 24 year old son who is facing a prison sentence. I will keep you and your son in my prayers.
Nakohichi
Nakohichi

Is he in a county jail? I don't think his case manager would know he's in there for a sex offence unless he tells them. I know in Federal it's different. but from what I've heard.. county holding doesn't have that info. I may be wrong. I know my son told others he was in there for drugs. He's told me another guy said he was in there for a sex offence.
Even at that.. it's too late to take anything back.
If he's a federal , then it might take them longer to place him.. My son went thru the same thing as far as being in longer than some others. It seems they could place state prisoners quicker than federal in some instances.
If he IS federal then call BOP and see if they have a transfer date for him. I had to call because it seemed there was a glich somewhere and it had to be cleared up.
deleted_user
deleted_user

Scsmom and amynmesa thank you so much for your reply and support. Nakohichi my son is in the state prison. He left the county 2 months ago and is now at the reception prison. We are in Ohio. I am having a hard time even talking to a live person and when you actually talk to someone they rush and transfer you to someone's voice mail before you can ask them a questions. I feel so sad, alone and helpless in all of this.I don't know what to do.
deleted_user
deleted_user

My heart goes out to you and your son. I would think that if the violence stems because they found out he is a SO, then it becomes a hate crime. I'm so sorry :(
(((big hugs)))
deleted_user
deleted_user

he is in dodge if in wisconsin that is the erm.. reception area. also!!! THAT IS CONSIDERED A HATE CRIME. AND THE PRISON/RECEPTION can be held responsible for that. they can be sued for failure to provide protection. how do i know this. a friend named martin was a 1degree sex offender (child under 12), and someone ccap him. well very long story short. they moved him to a minimum security (Winnebago correctional institution) he also got work release and sorta special treatment. he also won a big settlement from the state. so contact a lawyer, and get those documents saying he was not the aggressor.
usually you go from your county jail to dodge, from dodge to a erm... another county jail, and then finally to your permanent correctional institution. also, remember as a prisoner/ on probation you are ward of the state they are responsible for you.

oh 2corin4vs8 said it was a hate crime already hehehe sorry. didn't see that. also, they have to put both parties in segregation for both parties protection (rolls eyes). what i loved is that when i was in there they came out with that new law about photo's of children. so they sent every SO a big, bright yellow letter. i love how they like to stick us out there. :(
deleted_user
deleted_user

well at the rate they are making new so's wont be long before they will form a pretty big part of the prison population. key is he needs to not say anything about his crime to anyone and any papers he has stating such need to be kept on him or destroyed as inmates will go through your stuff it will come out eventually but if its later after he has been there awhile he may not get so much shit from it. I spent 6 months in county myself and everyone knew my charge and i only had one fight in all that 6 months. he needs to find a group of people he clicks with and pretty much stick with them most of the time if he can safety in numbers.
rewdiazepam
rewdiazepam

Camy,

I feel so bad for you, your family, your son and your entire situation. I read these boards and I feel so much empathy for the families who have to go through all this.

I was wrongly convicted by a jury trial almost 25 years ago for a serious sex crime which I did not commit and given a 20 year prison sentence. I did 8 years of the 20 years before I discharged my sentence. I discharged my sentence so there was no probation or parole, but of course, I am on the registry and listed on the sex offender registry.

For over two years I was in the roughest prison in the state. Regarding his safety in prison, I can give you some advice that you can relay to your son that I think will help. I never had a problem in prison, so maybe I can help. Trust me, I know about prisons and how inmates think. I was there for 8 long years.

First off, your son should NEVER tell anyone the nature of his crime. NEVER. He should make up a charge and stick with it no matter what. It needs to be a charge that is somewhat compatible with his real charges, ie do not choose a charge that is non-violent in nature, since his true crime is a sex crime, which is considered by the prison system as violent. Some good charges to make up are shooting with intent to kill, manslaughter, second-degree murder, etc. He should use his creativity and make up a scenario that will sound plausible. THE MAIN THING IS TO STICK WITH HIS STORY NO MATTER WHAT.

There is no reason to have to tell the inmates the truth. Hell, they are not your friends anyway and he will never see them again once he is released. He has no obligation to be honest with them, so make up a story and stick with it.

Now about his paperwork, J&S, court documents, letters from his attorney: Destroy every bit of paperwork that has anything to do with his case. If he does not get rid of all his paperwork, someday, some nosey inmate will either find or steal his paperwork and announce to everyone else that he is a sex offender--that will most likely cause your son problems. Also, sometimes another inmate will demand to see his paperwork, but if he does not have any, well then......

There are a lot of ways to get hurt in prison, so let me also tell you how NOT to get hurt.

NEVER, EVER borrow anything from another inmate. If he does not have any money on the books, just do without. Some inmates like to get youngsters in debt, and then they think they have a reason to abuse them or take advantage of them. Stay out of debt.
It goes without saying that snitching in prison will get you killed or seriously hurt. No snitching. If a guard asks him about anything, he should always say he didn't see anything.

He should not talk or seem friendly with staff or the correctional officers. Doing this will make the other inmates suspicious that he might be a snitch or something. It will give you a bad name in prison.

I found--and I observed this for the entire 8 years I was in prison--was one of the most important keys to keep from getting hurt in prison was HOW ONE CARRIED HIMSELF. Be an upright guy, respect all inmates (respect is a BIG thing in prison), and just be known as an "all-right guy." Don't boast what you did on the street, and never ask other inmates personal questions about themselves or their families.
MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS. Carry yourself like a man--and you will gain respect from most of the inmates.

It is important to gain respect as soon as possible and here is the main reason--once your son has gained respect as an " all-right" guy, and the other inmates like him and respect him, at this point even if they do find out his real charges, they will not care. I knew lots of sex offenders in prison and everyone knew their charges, but nobody really cared because they were well-liked and respected.

I hope this helps. I really do. If you have any further questions, please send me a message. I have been through this mess in prison and I know what your son is going through.

Good luck and God Bless.

rew
deleted_user
deleted_user

rew hit the the nail on the head. only spent 2.5 years but was in osci, but was not put in the k unit i was in p unit <---elderly and sick lol. here's how to be the 'all-right guy'....do what you say you are going to do. never back out. never barrow money but lend it without cost. (he may lose some money). this also sets up what i like to call the trojan horse. no matter who you are except if you are a anti-social individual will feel like they owe you something. it's manipulative but eh like rew said he don't know them and he won't see them (sometimes) on the street. i made up a drug offense (i was in the elderly and sick house come on it was perfect cover). destroy all paper work. also some of them may c cap him and like i've said they like to stick SOs out there. tell him to get in the servery *good money there* he can then give out the extra free deserts making him the 'all-right-guy*. if he's making a hook-up invite people. once again sets up the all-right-guy. it's all about perception. and yes respect is big in prison. well rew covered everything else but i wanted to give examples on how to manipulate people into that thinking.

thanks rew for the good advice on prison survival. :) and good luck.
rewdiazepam
rewdiazepam

Camy,

I also meant to add the one should not believe everything they hear/read/see on TV about prison. People do not get raped in prison, In all my 8 years, I never saw or heard on anyone getting raped. Now that is not to say that other inmates can put the pressure on another inmate and try to "turn-him-out" but that is really rare also. Usually those "rapes" you hear about are really people who are into consensual homosexual sex. They do not just nab a young man for no reason and rape him. That just does not happen.

Talking to the warden or his case manager will do little to help his situation of getting into fights and being picked on in prison. They do not really care that much anyway. Case managers and the like are some of the laziest people I have ever seen--most are totally worthless. In the 8 years I was in prison, the number of times I even spoke with a case manager was probably less than 10 times--and then it was only when they requested to talk to me. My philosophy was that if I could not handle a situation myself, I just did not bother with it. The key to not getting hurt comes within your son--from within himself. They are not there to protect him. It is imperative that he learns how to protect himself by using the keys I outlined.

I read that someone mentioned that attacking your son might constitute a hate crime. I sort of chuckled at that. It may very well be a hate crime, but you will never prove it. All the officers lie for each other.

Camy, you WILL get through this. And your son WILL get through this. Remember, no matter where your son goes, THERE WILL ALWAYS BE PEOPLE JUST LIKE HIMSELF. Prison is not filled only with people like Charles Manson or really bad guys, There are a lot of guys in prison that are just there. Prison consists of all types---tough guys, not so tough guys, normal guys, etc. People who talk about prison rapes and how horrendous prison is has watched too many "lock-up" episodes on MSNBC. The last 5+ of my years were spent at a minimum, which was a lot like a college dorm--really laid back. Prison is horrendous, I guess, from an emotional standpoint, but you son can and will survive. Millions have survived--and I am sure some of them are weaker mentally and physically than your son.

People are much stronger that they think they are. Human beings are remarkably resilient, and you and your son will be fine. I truly understand what you are going through. I am praying for you.

rew
deleted_user
deleted_user

To my knowledge Oklahoma (where we live-Iamsure laws vary) county jails do not disclose charges to other prisoners,but as someone said above the prisoners talk to each other and families and friends watch the news and report to the the one incarcerated who in turn run their mouth...Or in my sons case "the TV was not supposed to be on a news channel" while he was being held in county before I bailed him out,but it was just long enough for every guy in county to know who my son was and why he was there. The media had a field day with my sons arrest and as usual they twisted facts and falsely reported MANY things. I know the panic and pain you are feeling.I do know,from my personal experience with my son there are very few people that work in the correctional system that don't treat sex offenders like rabid animals.I called a family friend in law enforcement and was told to leave it alone or it would morel likely make things worse for my son. I did not bail him out for 3 weeks because I feared for his life due to the "victims" family and residents of this redneck town.UNTIL he finally told me had been jumped twice and I got him out the next morning. County and DOC are not required to notify anyone unless someone is life threatening ill. THIS WHOLE THING SUCKS. Pray and communicate with your son and attorney. God bless and prayers your way.
deleted_user
deleted_user

To my knowledge Oklahoma (where we live-Iamsure laws vary) county jails do not disclose charges to other prisoners,but as someone said above the prisoners talk to each other and families and friends watch the news and report to the the one incarcerated who in turn run their mouth...Or in my sons case "the TV was not supposed to be on a news channel" while he was being held in county before I bailed him out,but it was just long enough for every guy in county to know who my son was and why he was there. The media had a field day with my sons arrest and as usual they twisted facts and falsely reported MANY things. I know the panic and pain you are feeling.I do know,from my personal experience with my son there are very few people that work in the correctional system that don't treat sex offenders like rabid animals.I called a family friend in law enforcement and was told to leave it alone or it would morel likely make things worse for my son. I did not bail him out for 3 weeks because I feared for his life due to the "victims" family and residents of this redneck town.UNTIL he finally told me had been jumped twice and I got him out the next morning. County and DOC are not required to notify anyone unless someone is life threatening ill or injured. THIS WHOLE THING SUCKS. Pray and communicate with your son and attorney. God bless and prayers your way.
deleted_user
deleted_user

personally i'd rather be in prison than in a county jail somewhere. in oshkosh correctional institution (medium) i had a key to my own room. i had free movement (meaning i just needed to sign out and i could go to the library or the yard). i had my own tv in my room (only with headsets), radio, guitar, and my own personal cloth i could wear (gray in color). i would have to agree prison isn't as bad as you think it is. but be strong and you will get through this. :) good luck.
deleted_user
deleted_user

I want to thank all of you for your support. As always, I will be sure to pass on the valuable information that I have received to my son. To Rewdiazepam...I am so sorry that you had to serve time for a crime that you did not commit. I would also like to ask what does "discharge my sentence" mean??? To mysonisnotsobad....is your son still incarcerated or is he out??? My son is 22 years old and he received 9 years. He has served one year thus far. We have 8 more long years to go. This is the saddest time of my entire life. I just keep asking myself why??? Why is this my sons/my life journey??? I would not wish this on anyone. However, I am greatful that I have the support of the Daily Strength family.
rewdiazepam
rewdiazepam

When I said I discharged my sentence, I meant that I did my entire 20 year sentence in 8 years. With good time for every 30 days I served I received 74 days off my sentence (30 flat days + 44 days good time= 74 days.
As a result, when I was released I did not have any "paper time", ie probation and did not have to report to a PO or anything (no polygraphs, no UAs, etc). Except for the registry I was a free man.

If an inmate can just do all his time in prison, especially for a sex related crime, it is usually better. Being on parole or probation or any paper time with a sex offense is a real killer--a terrible thing. I would not want to do that. Of course, I would have taken parole if I had had 60 years or some ungodly long sentence. But I chose to discharge my sentence because I knew if I behaved myself, I WOULD be out in 8 years. Hell, I even waived my parole the last 3 years of my sentence.

Your son should try to be an "all-right" person, but he should not get too carried away. If he is TOO NICE or TOO KIND, some inmates will mistake kindness for weakness and start to prey on him. Be a good person, but stand your ground if necessary.

Your friend is right. Calling the warden or case manager is probably, in the long run, going to do more harm than good.

I know you are him mama, and I know you must love your son very much, BUT I really think you might be worrying about things that will probably never happen. If it is possible for a mother to worry to much about her son, maybe you are doing that. Be concerned, but not overly protective. There is a fine line there.

Your son will be OK. He will figure this prison thing out after a while. There will be a lot of people just like him in prison---scared, first-timers, apprehensive, etc. Prison is no fun, but it is survivable. I saw a lot of weak-minded, young, 130 pounders do fine in prison----and so will your son.

As for you, things will be fine. Trust me. I have seen all this play out before. As I look back at my years in prison, I have to laugh about it all. I came out a stronger person than when I went in.

The most important thing, I think, is, even if your son got a bad deal, is for your son to see himself a survivor--and not a victim. When something terrible happens to a person, they can decide to be either a survivor or a victim. People who play the victimhood role never do well in society----and just remember, your son, WILL be back in society before you know it. Let him be----and you should consider yourself---survivors and not victims. All this will pass and you will be fine. It will always be with you, like a scar, but this entire episode does not have to define who you are or how you will live your life after all this is over.

I am praying for you and your son---as well as for every mother, wife, sister, girlfriend, who is a member of this site. God Bless you all.

rew