I am currently involved with a man that was just given probation as a Level 1 SO. I have 3 children. Two boys from my first marriage that are 19 and 17 and a daughter from a long term abusive relationship who is 10. He is currently still going through a divorce and has 1 daughter who is 12 from his first marriage and 4 children (son is 6, twin girls who are 4 and a 2 yo daughter) and a step daughter (10) with his soon to be ex wife.
I met my significant other at work. I had recently left an abusive relationship and I wasn't looking for a relationship and neither was he but we just clicked. I have a habit of Googling people, etc and his name popped up for a charge of sexual contact with a minor. I immediately asked fellow co-workers and close mutal friends about it. All of them said the charge was bogus and due to a high conflict divorce and custody suit. He also told me about it on his own during our first date, so he wasn't hiding anything from me. Soon to be ex is a narcissist who has never worked and has a history of mental illness and is completely reliant on others. After deciding on divorce she quickly made it clear she would keep the kids from him. He told her she couldn't do that. Wrong answer because next thing you know she's making claims that he touched the step daughter inappropriately and he's charges with Indecency with Child by Sexual Contact.
Before we got really involved I asked to speak with his attorney, see all the paperwork and evidence and everything came up showing no evidence (no DNA, no physical evidence, stories were constantly changing, even the step daughter said it didn't happen). She got a 2 year protective order and he hasn't seen his children since Oct 2016. In that time frame she had plently of time to coach her daughter and keep this going and even with the DA telling her that they didn't have a case and it was wasting time and to drop the charges, she refused to do so and still requested a trial. Mind you the mother in law has been communicating with him this whole time and never once says he's done it or that she thinks he has.
The case just kept getting pushed back and pushed back until finally the ADA states that she believes the ex wife is unstable but the state of Texas allows for victims/ parents of victims to have a say in punishment and that they could either go to trial or he could take a plea. They gave him 3 hours to decide. I urged him to take it to trial, but his lawyer and parents stated that she has had 2 years to coach the step daugher and if someone on the jury was ever a victim or knew someone, etc or if the judge was having a bad day that it could go badly for him. So he took the plea deal to keep from further traumatizing his step daughter and quite frankly to get it over with.
He was told it would be 6 years adjudicated and if he was all paid up, etc then he could be off probation in 2 years with no record but he needs to register for life, but he'd still get to see his kids and live in his own home. He just signed the papers and he's regretting it now. We just moved in together in March because the DA had told his attorney they were dropping the case so we felt safe, or as safe as you can feel to move in with one another. We waited a year before he even met my kids and they love him. Especially my daughter since her own father is very abusive and neglectful. Now the papers say he can't be around minors under the age of 17, has to put big signs up in the front yard, front door and back door and he has all these stipulations, like getting a SO DL, not able to leave the county, etc. I tried to warn him that probation is designed for people to fail, to just take it to trial, that signing those papers admits guilt and lets her win. He said he was just tired and wanted to move forward with his life and be done with her, but now I think he's seeing the light.
I looked all over and can't find one place where he could move in, especially with signs. His lawyer is submitting a formal motion to get the signs taken off his paperwork and see if he can continue in the house. I have 50/50 custody so we will be able to stay compliant with the stipulation of him not being able to live with minors because we have enough income to cover weekly rates for him )or me and my daughter to stay if he can't be in hotels) on the weeks I have her. But now I'm worried she'll constantly harass us and call CPS or something. She's already posted about me and my kids on FB and knew the moment we moved in together and even knew our address exactly 12 hours after we moved our furniture in, so I know she's got someone watching us.
This is all new and I haven't told family or friends per the lawyer's instructions but I'm stressed to the max and it's just starting! He hasn't even registered yet. He has to do that by next Monday.
How do you hold it together and can I even manage to do this for the next 6 years when my daughter turns 17?
I've been a mom for over 14 years. I've been his mom for almost 13. Yet here I sit not knowing how to continue. How do I continue to be his mom, raise him, teach him, protect him and love him? Next month will pleade guilty to two charges of a sexual crime. As a mom you are supposed to protect your child from all the scary and hurtful things in life. Make it better when they are hurting or...
I have been told so many things I am seconds from purchasing a home for our family in a housing community in Pennsylvania. Someone please help. I don't see anything about living requirements for SOs in Pennsylvania.