Yesterday I got to talk to my youngest son, Jeremy, who is in Afganistan. We are very close. He is probley the one person I have always been able to confide in and talk to honestly about my feelings and visa versa. Anyway, I told him about finding this group and I was hopeful about progressing with coping with the situation with his brother's incarceration. This was the beginning of a long conversation where he kept saying I should "get over that" and when was I going to "move on"? I think he has alot of anger of the pain this situation has put me and the whole family thru but he can not understand a mother can not just "move on". Now the history here is the nighmare began in 07 (the incarceration began 10/07 and 12/3/07 my dad died litterly with a broken heart over this situation), Jeremy came home 12/20/07 for his holiday leave time and then had to stay for emergency leave because I was in such a bad place. Then, this Christmas 08, being the wonderful son he is, he took me on a cruise to Mexico and even bought me a ticket to swim with the dolphins after hearing they hslp depression and knowing that was a dream of mine, so he has been more than supportive...and it did help but you come back and the reality of the situation is still here staring you in the face...and he is not the only one who thinks I should be "better" by now. Mostly, I don't mention it to anyone and just let the them assume I am handling things well. I told him it would be the same if something (God forbid) happened to him over there, I could not just "move on" he said he would want me to...I think no one can truly understand this sort of pain...for me it is like being forced to watch a train wreck in slow motion for 20 years. He also asked me, "are you going to do this for the next 19 years?" I told him, ""God I hope not"....God, I really hope not.
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