Families of Prisoners Support Group
This community is dedicated to families that have been disrupted by prison. Having a loved one incarcerated or having been incarcerated comes with its own unique challenges that require support and understanding. Join the group to find others who know what you're going through, and to seek advice or share your experience.
My father has been arrested, and should have been arraigned yesterday. I don't imagine he pleaded anything else but guilty, but I don't know yet, because I'm in England while he's in the USA.
Right now I don't feel I can share what has happened within my family, because this has all happened so recently and the press are covering the story. I don't want anything to get to them. But I do feel I need to share some of what I'm feeling already.
I am trying to come to terms with the fact that my father will die in prison. I know he deserves to be where he is, and he himself obviously feels it's safer as well. But...well...my father was a great dad when he WAS a great dad. My brother and I had an amazing, well-loved childhood. My father has been a split man for many years--part of him was still that likeable, really comfortable person that others loved being around, and another part that was doing all these truly disgusting and abhorrant things. My father is not evil, although some of the things he's done are. What kills is that it's not just that bad man in prison, it's the small parts of my dad...the good dad...that are in there too.
I pity him.
And my heart is breaking.
I'm glad he's in prison because he obviously couldn't control himself and I never felt comfortable with him in the community and another family with a young girl. So I feel safer, and it's a bit like a burden has been lifted off my shoulders because I don't have to punish him anymore and agonise myself over boundaries--those are very firmly being taken care of by others now. It's almost like I've gone through a bizarre motion of sadness, anger, and forgiveness--all in one week. I just seem to realise that all my father has left would be the letters I and my brother would write, and the once in a blue moon visits. There's nothing else for him. Ever.
The most difficult part of this so far has been the media coverage--god it sucks to know that people now know what my father has done, and will be thinking of my family in such an awful light.
Yesterday I had to tell my employer because I work within mental health and don't feel I can support people at the moment...and that was so stressful too.
Just how do you come to terms and cope with knowing and understanding that what's happened is wrong and that any sentence would be deserving, with the sheer pain in your chest that it has happened at all? What do you tell people?
It's still early days yet, but my employer told me I couldn't come back into work until I had a support system in place, and this seemed like an okay place to start.
Right now I don't feel I can share what has happened within my family, because this has all happened so recently and the press are covering the story. I don't want anything to get to them. But I do feel I need to share some of what I'm feeling already.
I am trying to come to terms with the fact that my father will die in prison. I know he deserves to be where he is, and he himself obviously feels it's safer as well. But...well...my father was a great dad when he WAS a great dad. My brother and I had an amazing, well-loved childhood. My father has been a split man for many years--part of him was still that likeable, really comfortable person that others loved being around, and another part that was doing all these truly disgusting and abhorrant things. My father is not evil, although some of the things he's done are. What kills is that it's not just that bad man in prison, it's the small parts of my dad...the good dad...that are in there too.
I pity him.
And my heart is breaking.
I'm glad he's in prison because he obviously couldn't control himself and I never felt comfortable with him in the community and another family with a young girl. So I feel safer, and it's a bit like a burden has been lifted off my shoulders because I don't have to punish him anymore and agonise myself over boundaries--those are very firmly being taken care of by others now. It's almost like I've gone through a bizarre motion of sadness, anger, and forgiveness--all in one week. I just seem to realise that all my father has left would be the letters I and my brother would write, and the once in a blue moon visits. There's nothing else for him. Ever.
The most difficult part of this so far has been the media coverage--god it sucks to know that people now know what my father has done, and will be thinking of my family in such an awful light.
Yesterday I had to tell my employer because I work within mental health and don't feel I can support people at the moment...and that was so stressful too.
Just how do you come to terms and cope with knowing and understanding that what's happened is wrong and that any sentence would be deserving, with the sheer pain in your chest that it has happened at all? What do you tell people?
It's still early days yet, but my employer told me I couldn't come back into work until I had a support system in place, and this seemed like an okay place to start.
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I have been here before, a long long time ago and now I am back.Forgive me for not just saying what I want to say,even under a triple dose of antidepressants it is still raw and seeping and I am hesitant at revealing it as at least under the bandages around my heart I don,t have to look at how raw and wounded.My child was cleaved from my heart by his own actions. my child of ten,turning eleven...
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theatre and I are there already. I'm having a very berry tea with crackers, cheese and cherry tomatoes and she's having a joint with some beer and we're both on really comfy recliners on thick pile carpet. we need some help with the decor if anyone is around??
As far as the world knowing what he did. I have no clue who he is. Eventually it will all subside and the press will get ahold of someone else to beat down for a while. A vicious circle. You need to learn to hold onto the loving dad that you had and try to let go of the other half he was. Maybe while he's in prison he'll get counseling, and then your dad will be the only one there, and you'll never have to see the other half. Just remember that he's human, he made a mistake, and if he learns from it then that's what's important. Of course it's hard that he'll spend the rest of his life in prison, but possibly he'll be at peace with himself, and hopefully you can find that peace too.
god bless all/god FORGIVES all