Alright here's the long and short of it ladies. I am a very others focused person. It's who I am. Probably part of it stems form the fact that I am a caregiver, and caregivers are always conscious of the needs of others or they wouldn't be in that profession. But, what if your focus is others and your husband's or future husband's is that of himself and you as a couple. Can you find middle ground? Here's a for instance. I've adopted kids in Africa and am helping them financially. It gives me much joy and satisfaction to know that I am helping kids with real needs. James doesn't have the same desire. He has gone without much for a long time and wants to be able to indulge and splurge on things that he has been denied for so long, which I understand, but could not do in good conscience if it meant my kids having to go without food and or education which is the only hope for their future. I'm not talking about denying James things that he or both of us need. I am speaking about things like playstations, video games, movies, things that all Americans spend their money on, but which I can not do if I know that someone is going to go without sonething they need so that I might have it. I feel we have a responsibility to help others as much as we are able, and should deny ourselves pleasure if it will give others a chance at life and happiness. So how can I be fair to James and still help the people who need my assistance? How have all of you handled this issue in your relationships and marriages? Lorie Ann
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