Just when you think you've faced all the major issues, a couple arise that have not been discussed. When Rhea posted about not being able to figure her son's parole date because of the mental anguish it caused her, I never realized that I also had never confronted James' situation. See James comes up for parole in April of 2010 as I have posted on my profile. But, that is not his full sentence. If he has to serve all of his state time he'll be in till 2040. Then he has 10 years of federal time for cussing the judge out for his handling of the trial and sentencing during that time. So we're up to 2050. I'll be 88 at that point, James 78. If either one of us is still alive, we obviously won't be able to enjoy the kind of life we are dreaming about now as a couple. So I've had to do some real soul searching, heart wrenching thinking about whether I can deal with that worst case scenario because after I say, "I Do," there's no turning back. Another issue has been my need for touching and whether I can be faithful to James for as long as it takes for us to be together. I have a real need for physical touch. It's my love language if you're familiar with The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman who says that each of us has a primary one of the five which exist--touching, words of affirmation, spending time, giving and receiving gifts, and acts of service. As many of you know, (because of my other posts), one of the reasons I want to marry James now, is because I need for us to at least be able to talk about it, even if it can't actually take place. But, the bottom line is, he still may not be able to touch me for a very long time, in the way that I want and need, and can I deal with that? So I haven't been on, because of trying to face these issues head on. And I mention them, because they are issues that each of us have to confront with a partner who has many years of incarceration ahead of him. James' does not have a life sentence per se, but he might just as well have. We both hope things will go as the both of us want and desire for them to, with him getting parole in 2010 and obtaining clemency for the federal time once he gets there, but who knows. It all seems to be a crap shoot. I have to face that James might never get out, and whether I love him enough to marry him anyway. And the answer is yes. Cause I could never love another even if I could recieve all the touching I desired from some other man for the rest of my days. So we will marry Saturday, and begin the journey together, no matter what the future holds for the two of us. I'm committed to him forever, and I will try to be the best wife I can be to him even if what we have now, is all we can ever have. Love you all, Lorie Ann
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