I am really at a loss here. I know absolutely no one in my position, and it is quite lonely. My ex-husband was an alcoholic who told me outright that he would never quit drinking while we were together, so after lots of thought the children and I left him. This was 20 years ago. I spent years being the best mother I could be, doing Little League, Boy Scouts, etc., and even moved my son from one junior high and then high school to get him away from a really bad influence. It was all apparently a waste. He was truly out of control and ended up skipping school to hang out with the person I moved him to get away from. In any event, to make a long story short, once he got in trouble with the law it spiraled downward so quickly you would have thought he was trying to go to prison. He's been there for 4 years already and has at least another 3 left. Basically, it took years, but I can deal with that. We talk every week. My daughter and I both miss him, but we know he needs to be there. At this point, I still worry that when he gets out he could hurt or kill somebody. I suffer from depression, and have since somewhere in those 20 years, but it's not getting better. In fact, my relationships with people are difficult. When I'm asked if I have children and about how they're doing etc., I don't like to lie, but then as soon as I tell the truth, it's a downer for everyone. Then, of course, I am often judged, although not always. For what it's worth, my daughter is leading a productive life, still in college and working full-time as well. If I lie to people and pretend it never happened, then I'm not being honest, and am unlikely to ever be close to that person. I'm lonely and extremely depressed at the moment. Have any of you gone through this? Perhaps I should have posted this as a request for advice.
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