Well, it's been a couple months since I've been on last, so for all the new people on here, I'm Jodi, and my boyfriend has been in prison for just about 17 months now. I started coming on here about his 5th month in (a year ago). But anyways, we STILL don't know when Chris is coming home, and his crazy ex was starting shit again in December saying a lot of lies to try to keep him in there longer (I don't even want to get into what she had said, she's crazy and that's all there is to it!), but she wanted a PFA against him, and wrote a letter to the courts requesting it, so they had a hearing for it, and he agreed to it, so now she has her PFA. He agreed to it just to get her out of his life, not because the things she said was true. Well, the good thing is that his paper came back from the attorney and there was no finding of what she said (it was about abuse and other stuff she said happened before he went to prison), so hopefully it won't affect his parole, and it shouldn't. He does have his parole hearing coming up before March, should be the 3rd week of February, but it could still be months before they make their decision. He thinks they'll give him at least a 6 month hit, just because they can, and it's not the first parole violation he's had, but I've accepted that, what's another 6 months compared to the year and a half already, and he'll finally have a date. His home plan is 2 1/2 hours away (the prison he's at is only a half hour away), so he'll be further, but at least he'll have freedom. I told him I wasn't moving in with him when he gets out, I need time to think about things, and I have too much stuff going on here to just get up and move. I'm not worried about a job, the job I have now has an office near where he'll be living, and they already said I could transfer when the time came, I just need to think about our relationship. It's funny because I've been here for him for this duration, and now I'm just getting tired of it, don't get me wrong, I'm still being emotionally supportive, but it's getting harder and harder to run 2 lives at the same time. I have my son and myself to worry about out here, and it's getting too stressful to be worrying about his. My letters are getting less and less, the visits are even lesser, and I know he's feeling the strain of it, but I just can't help it right now. I honestly can't say that we'll still be together when he gets out. I do love him, and I do want to try to work it out, but I just don't have the energy right now, maybe it will be different when he gets out, unfortunately, he'll be living further away, and I'm not willing to pick up everything and just move for someone that I'm not sure about anymore. He knows how I feel, the few letters that I have written him in the past couple months have told him all of this, because he needs to know where I stand right now, so he doesn't expect everything to happen all at once. I have a mix of emotions about it all, and all I can do is take one day at a time, and for now, not worry about our future together. I'm a little on edge with him, I know he lied to me about something (recent), and I just can't get past it right now. Well, maybe I should say what happened with his ex and the PFA thing, it would make this easier to explain...Ok, his ex said that in August of 07, he was abusing her and he raped her for a week straight (at his house), I don't believe that at all, the Chris I know is not violent and not a rapist, and plus, why would she keep going back to his house if he was forcing himself on her? Well, she also said that he was calling her work number, and I asked him, and he said no, well, when it came down to it, he admitted that he probably did, but didn't realize it. The only reason that number is on his list is from the last time he was in prison, apparently the numbers get carried over, I know he didn't put it on this time around because he sent me his phone list of who he put on this time in. Well I asked him how he wouldn't know who he was calling. Now, I believe that he wasn't calling her to try to talk to her or get back with her or whatever, but he still lied about it. He said that he has a certain time slot he signs up for to make a phone call (I know that's true), well, when he can't get ahold of the person he's calling, he would just start dialing numbers to pass time before he gets ahold of the person he really wants to talk to (like me, or his mom, or whoever), and he said the numbers he would call to pass time would be numbers that didn't accept collect calls, expect apparently his ex's work number. I don't even know what to think of this excuse, I don't actually care that he called her work number, because I know he doesn't want her back (he better not after all the shit she's done to him), it's the fact that he lied to me about it at first. He said it wasn't intentional, but how could it not be? I gave him a lecture on the phone the other day about not thinking about things before he does it, and I don't want a man that doesn't think about his actions before he does it to know whether it's a good decision or bad. I told him that everything has consequences, whether bad or good, and he is the one that has to make those decisions, he can't always have someone there to lead him in the right direction, and that's a huge problem for him, because if he doesn't have someone like that, he makes wrong choices, and I told him I couldn't be with someone that doesn't have that because I won't be the one he resents later in life. I've made bad choices in my life, but I've learned from them, and faced consequences to those actions, and I will not make the same mistakes, and I don't need anybody else telling me what I should and shouldn't be doing, because if it's wrong, I'll learn later on, and I will have no one to blame but myself. I'm not going to be the dictator in someone else's life when I have my own life to dictate. I can be the supportive super girlfriend now, and it's not so much a burden, but it's wearing me down, but I can't be that person when he gets out, so I pray that he's changed, and with this last incident, I'm not so sure anymore, that's why I need to take the time when he gets out to think things through, and he needs to prove himself more now than ever, because like I said, I can only be this person for so long, and then who's going to be the one thinking for him? I hope and pray it's himself, because it won't be me. Sorry this is so long, I so needed to vent and put all this out, especially to people who would understand more than anyone around me here would.
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