i try really hard to be strong in this situation we are all in and i think i do a good job at that most of the time, but sometimes i just get really down about everything. john only has about 6 months til he gets to come home and i have been with him for the past 10 months. i love him with all my heart and never thought i could love someone like this. it really blows me away the wonderful relationship we have even though the situation. i'm beginning to feel all alone sometimes though. i live at home with my mom til he comes home and she drives me bonkers. i try to be a good daughter and please her but i don't do a good job i guess. i know she has a control issue and alot of people notice it but i love her alot shes my mom. i have moved away and come home several times and i think each time it gets worse. i really want my own place so i can have my space and do what i need to do when i need to do it. i have a full time job and i love it, but with my previous bad decisions i am in indebted to my mother at this point. i have been tryin to find a second job so i can at least save money to get a place and everything john and i will need when he comes home and for the wedding, but have no success. sometimes i wonder if i am suffering from depression but i tell myself no you're just havin a bad day today. i want him home so bad as we all do but he is my everything. i don't have but a couple "friends" that i rarely talk to. i have been off work now for 3 days and don't know about tomorrow yet. i hate snow days cause i don't get to work and it makes for a really long day. too much time to think no matter how hard i try not to. does anyone have any suggestions for this i am tryin to figure out??? sorry about ramblin just needed to get some things out. thatnks everyone!!!!!
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