Families of Prisoners Support Group
This community is dedicated to families that have been disrupted by prison. Having a loved one incarcerated or having been incarcerated comes with its own unique challenges that require support and understanding. Join the group to find others who know what you're going through, and to seek advice or share your experience.
My husband of 7 years was just sentenced last week to 5 years. He will have to serve roughly 3 and 10 months. We have a 3 year old and a 1 and a half year old girls. I have tried during this whole devastating process to be as helpful, supportive and comforting as I possibly can. But, it doesn't seem to transfer to him. Every day he gives me a set of all of these duties to do that never end...call this person, send something to that person, write him more, put more money on his phone account, put more money on his commissary, meet with more lawyers even though he's already been sentenced. Every day he complains about something new and he fails to realize that now I am STUCK with having to be a single mom for the next 4 years and I barely have money to clothe our children let alone put money on the phone account so he can call me literally 10 times a day to "see what I am doing". It hurts me so much...he has been in jail for 9 months now and I have been completely faithful to him and I want to continue our marriage but he is seriously driving me crazy trying to be this control-freak lunatic in jail. He argues with me when I go visit him with our kids...he just makes me want to leave! :(
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I gave my 2 week notice last Friday 13th. Now to join you fine people in a life of leisure and nothing else to do but to look out for myself....is it just me or does that sound pretty boring? My goal was to live to retire and I guess having to take early retirement because of health reasons wasn't exactly the way I had planned things. I just can't stay in that building that is reeking mildew...
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I'm trying to exercise daily. I was doing fairly well until I sprained my ankle 2 weeks ago but now I'm getting back on the horse. Today I walked over a mile with my arm weights that are about 22lbs total. I was out of shape and it was hard on my arms. I also did my 30 situps. I'm also going to drink a lot of water and try to eat healthy. I do tend to have a sweet tooth but I'm cutting...
Just talk to him and be honest with him on how you are feeling. Their is nothing wrong with that he was the one committed a crime not you. Also, maybe just give him a little time to think right now its the hardest time. he needs to realize life doesnt just revolve around him, and he cant control you or tell you what you do. He is behind the walls you are not.
I have to agree with what the others have written. I would add that it is now up to you to do it all, therefore, you can't be his "personal secretary"! Apparently it hasn't hit him that he is behind bars! It takes awhile for it all to sink in for some of them. In my case, I have always taken care of "business" so it's not new to me. However, my hubby and I set up a "Sat. Night Date" which is the only time we talk. He's too far away to visit very often but we try to make the best of the times we can talk or visit. You're going to have to set him some limits. Don't answer when he calls if you don't want to. Only send him what you can afford. If he continues this behavior, you can talk to the warden or other authorities but that's drastic. If he keeps this up, he's going to lose privileges. You have to learn your own strengths and use them now for you and your children. Write to him if it's easier than talking and tell him exactly what you have said here. Let his lawyer know what he's doing to you and have them let him know he's been sentenced and theres nothing more to be done. You said it best yourself: he makes you want to leave. Well, if that's what it takes to get through to him, do it. If all he wants to do is argue, it's not a fun visit. He needs to be grateful that he gets visits!
Right now, it's all up to ypou so be strong and take care of yourself and your girls. Our prayers will always be with you.