Its not very easy to deal with the guilt, but why are you feeling guilty, because you trying to live a normal life style. Please try not to feel guilty, go on with your daily routine, you don't want to get traped in a world of depression. As far as fear, we all I'm sure have been fearfull, one day at a time, taking baby steps, breath, and try to relax, if your love is strong your relationship will survieve. Prayers are with you.
Mamabear59

I felt/feel EXACTLY the same way as you do. Feeling guilty for smiling, laughing, having a good time... What I can tell you is that my guy doesn't want me home lonely, and sad all the time. He has told me several times to go out and have a good time, that I shouldn't be punished for what he did.. But it is true.. I am being punished for what he did. (lucky for him; he did it before we were together so i can't be mad at him)... I too am afraid that he will come out a changed man and decide that I am no longer what he wants... But on one hand I think that's not rational, because I'll have been his only lifeline to the outside world.. I will be the one who always made sure he had what he needed, and I think it has caused us to grow closer.. We still have a long road ahead of us; he's only been in going on 4 weeks now, but I know we'll make it through.

What I can say is that you have to try hard to put those doubts to the back of your mind, and focus on the good things. I know what you mean about a "good game face" I have to do it too.. Good game voice more like it... I have to try and make sure he knows I'm ok, and that things are good even though emotionally I'm a wreck. I just have to remember that he doesn't have the outlets I have with friends and being able to go to a movie and just get away from it all for a few hours.

I didn't talk to him yesterday at all because the movie I went to started too late, but I chose to go ahead and see it and told him to call me today... He was fine with that.. And the movie really did take my mind off things for a bit..

So just know it's ok to have a good time, smile and laugh.. And it's also ok to feel guilty about it too. That's human nature, and in time that guilt feeling will lesson as you grow more used to the fact that he's in jail. I still feel guilt, but not as often and not as bad. At first I wouldn't smile or laugh at anything, and that will make you go crazy..

Holidays are a terrible time even without dealing with not having your loved one nearby at hand... So I've just given in to the fact that holidays and special days are going to be hard, I'm going to get depressed, and that's ok with me (heck I am actually sleeping some now that I'm depressed LOL).

Everything will work out the way God has planned... That you can be sure of... So just try not to worry yourself sick, and have a good time.

Yes, i think we have all been there at one point or another... you have to live while he's gone... and not feel guilty about it.. i use to feel like this.. but now.. i embrace the fact for at least one of us is living.Also, i learned that its ok to live.. and my hubby understand for it was him that made a bad choice.. not i... so, we all have to be patient and let life happens

I live in the same state as one of my exes, but that doesn't bother James. But when I went to visit my mom in CO he was so afraid that I was going to try to get back together with the guy I dated in high school. Guys have insecurities too. Just keep telling him he has nothing to worry about. Don't feel quilty for having fun and enjoying yourself. That would make your bf feel even worse than he does if he knew him being in jail is making you not want to do anything. Keep your life as normal as possible and continue to support your bf thru letters, visits and phone calls.

I so now how you feel. With my son being in prison, I do feel guilty if I go out and have a good time. I think about how much he's missing out on.

Here is the thing that scares me the most, I want to tell him everything I do so that he will not think I'm keeping things from him. BUT he worries so much that I will need to move on with my own life, I don't want him to dissappear for fear of getting hurt. I just know the things that go through his mind while he is trapped in there. Not being able to talk to him everyday is killing me, we have not spoke since Thursday, he is suppose to call tonight but I have not heard from him yet. They have loads of problems with the one good phone they all have to share and it seems that whenever it gets this late he will not be able to call. This situation is just to new for me and I'm haveing a hard time dealing. It's making me very insecure.

First of all, your life has to go on. It will include good times and bad, and he has to just get over it. It's ok to leave stuff out, IMO. He doesn't need to know every single thing you do.
If he is feeling insecure all you can do is reassure him from time to time, but sitting in your room waiting for him to come home is not an option. Have fun.
Maybe this will be incentive for him to not return to prison when he comes home...knowing you've waited.

I understand what you are feeling. I felt it too, going out and having fun and feeling like a jerk cuz he would love to be home with me but can't. Your relationship can survive this. It won't be easy, but if you both love each other it will be worth it and you can grow closer cuz of the experience. go to prisonmarriageministry.com they have a good program for couples seperated by prison. My husband for 2.5 yrs was 1800 miles away so we had a very long dsitance marriage. We only got to see each other every 6 months or more. And my huisband was scared at first that I woudln't stand by him. He has been through ti before with exes and they cheated on him an lied til he got home and found out about it. This whole prison thing is a mind f*&k and those woh haven't been the wife/gfriend of an inmate won't understand. Hope things get better for you and let me know if you ever want to talk. We have been going through this for almost 3 years now,I have experience with what you are feeling. God Bless!