My father went to prison for 25yrs to life for attempted murder and cocaine charges. I was seven and pretty close to him. After that my mom just went downhill and had different boyfriends, drinking and drugging alot. I wrote him a few times but as time went by I never got anything back from him and I even thought maybe she kept letters from me or never mailed him mine. I lost touch with him. Her boyfriends were all jerks and always gave me a little too much attention complimenting how pretty I was and most of them made sexual advances towards me. It seems the more my mom saw that the more she hated me. I missed my dad and felt like I had no one there anymore to protect me or care about me. My mom just changed so much and got involved in abusive relationships and all. I'm now out of the house because she didn't want me there anymore and I didn't want to be there either, but now I've been thinking about my dad alot lately wonder if I could visit him or should try and write to him again. I'm scared though. Alot has happened since I saw him last and I've changed alot. He would probably freak out. He's probably wondered what has happened to me all these years. Or maybe the dad I knew isn't really the dad he really was or is now. I'm scared but it hurts to not have family and to be on my own like this. I know he wont be out for a long time but atleast to talk to him you know? Maybe he would like that too. I'm scared of rejection. Maybe he isn't even there anymore I don't know.It's one of the only subjects that really gets me down these days. That and my brother's suicide when I was 10. My mom said my dad knows about that but I don't even know that for sure. Do I want to be the one to tell him?
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