Families of Prisoners Support Group

This community is dedicated to families that have been disrupted by prison. Having a loved one incarcerated or having been incarcerated comes with its own unique challenges that require support and understanding. Join the group to find others who know what you're going through, and to seek advice or share your experience.

1,300 Members
7,140 Posts
1 Online
Relationships & Sexuality
/ Families of Prisoners Support Group

Can Prison be that easy??

deleted_user
deleted_user
I have only visited my daughter in jail and have not been able to visit her is prison yet since I live out of state. She seems to have lots of "friends" there since she has been involved with criminal activity for the last 5 years. When I talk to her she is always upbeat, laughing, talking about her "celly" and has a nickname for all the guards. My daughter has always been popular, witty and smart. Last night I told her that I was concerned that she didn't sound remorseful in any way - but she said she is just palying the game in order to survive. I don't know who this person is and I am worried that she will resort to the same old lifestyle when she gets out or even worse. The letter that I received from her today wasn't about how she was sorry or how she was going to change her life - it was all about her requests for money, clothes, pictures of her boyfriend, dog and her car! She needs an extra $5 a week for the gym because she is playing volleyball and she wants Nike or Addidas clothing! On movie nights they eat popcorn and watch current movies that I haven't even seen yet and she would like for me to purchase snack packs for her!! Seriously, she did refer to this prison as like a college campus hanging out with her girls. Is she just telling me these things so as not to be worried or am I just being played by her? I am thankful that she is off drugs. Oh - that was her only complaint about her situation - no guys, no alcohol or drugs.
jasonswifey
jasonswifey
well, I'm not framiliar with a women's prison but my husband is in a prison. Yes, they really do get to see brand new movies for free, I've seen the movie sheet for my husband's prison. I can't really attest to other things, but my husband as said that it is possible to attain drugs in prison. So don't let your guard down, keep looking for signs that she may be using. Prisons even do random UA's to make sure! Good luck
slc123
slc123
I understand how you feel. Sometimes I get angry at my daughter's letters because most of the time she asks for books, money, stuff I can send her. She hasn't really expressed much remorse either. I don't think her jail is as good as your daughter's. They don't have much for them because it is a work release facility, but it is the only female jail in the area until she gets sentenced. My other kids said the same thing, she acts like she is at summer camp. I think(I hope) that she acts that way to survive. Hang in there and do only what you can to help. Don't put her comfort above what you can afford. I'm there for you.
deleted_user
deleted_user
I can say I was on the inside for two months exactly a year ago today and it is big school dorm. I was at a Federal Camp in IL. We had a job we had to do but when we were off it was anything goes. We hardly ever saw a guard unless it was count or chow time. We were able to hang out in the rec room, library, or gym. They had volleyball, basketball , and workout equipment. So she is not pulling anything over on you. I can say the only thing prison gave me was an emotional drain being away from my family. Being around 350 whinning women and very young girls who thought they knew everything drove me nuts. The younger ones grouped up and hung out together just like in school. There is no remorse from what I can tell for the ones that had really done something bad. All they did was chat about how when they got out. Sounded like they were going back to their old ways. They had no programs at the place I was at to facilitate these women. I look at prison in two factors, a college campus and a concentration camp. It was pittful. For some of the younger ones there is no remorse, but the older women in 50-70 you could tell there was remorse and they were ready to go home. Hope this gives you some insight.
deleted_user
deleted_user
No, it's not always easy. My hubby has had his head smashed, his teeth pulled(knocked)out,he nose realined,lost hes glasses and the meds were taken away. If he wants to watch TV he has to go with the flow or get the stuffing beat out of him. Maybe your daughter is going with the flow for her own good.
deleted_user
deleted_user
well, sometimes it is like she says...maybe it's still new--BUT she HAS to put on this face, for many reasons...(so i am told).our Father is working in her, and trust that HE WILL HAVE HIS WAY WITH HER!! she doesn't seem 'broken' yet~but the day will come. at that point, is when the healing can begin--when she can humbel herself, and admit that without HIM--she is nothing. to ask for forgiveness, to accept guidance. seems as tho she's on the 'honeymoon' stage--just continue to support her, but always always speak the truth, please for her sake, don't sugar coat ANYTHING! (sometimes easier said than done), but in order for her to better herself, we need to do the tough love--that's our job! pictues i'd send--additional money, i wouldn't... keep praying for her, and i will too, that she will want more for herself, and her life. guys, alochol, and drugs are a fix-
also pray that a Christian comes into her life while in there, that can minister her.. man oh man how they break our hearts hu? you are a very wise, and spiritually filled woman--i feel this to my core--turn it over, and ask him--he'll help you.
blessings and prayers
deleted_user
deleted_user
Thanks everyone for your responses. You all gave great insight. I guess it has been more devastating for me to admit that my daughter is in prison then for her to actually be there. I told her that last night and she cried. I really don't want her to be miserable, I just want her to be rehabilitated - that's what I thought prison was for. Right now I'm the one that has learned the most from this experience! Thanks again.
deleted_user
deleted_user
it depends on the state. My husband is in AZ and AZ is known for being some of the hardest prisons in the country. They do not have movies or aything like that here so I can't help you with that, but it's been my experience that if she says it sucks cuz she doens't have her drugs , she probably doesn't plan on staying clean when she is out, as much as it sucks just keep praying for her to have a change of heart.
deleted_user
deleted_user
I just learned that Crystal will be moving from reception to a unit. It has taken over a month for classification with the over crowding issues. Anyway, her counselor has said that privileges will not be so freely given as they are right now and she will have an opportunity to earn trustee status and work. In jail she worked in the bakery for 2 months. So she can earn a little money on her own. I feel a little bit better thinking that she may have more time to be reflective on positive changes instead of just kicking back with her girls.
Thanks for your prayers. Sheryl
Mamabear59
Mamabear59
Hopefully she will learn responsibility once transfered, hopefully? Let her gain her independence mom, you know they are all spoiled, I have told you about mine. If she is that gitty, I agree, keep your guard up, is that a natural high, or a drug high, it is so easy to get drugs into some facilities, are you sure the extra $5.00 is for sports, 5.00 could buy her a small amount of pot. Just be carefull. God be with you.
Lynn
deleted_user
deleted_user
I know that its easier to share the good than the bad for my husband and we are also in washington. I have a girlfriend in Oregon prison and she hates it! However, her letters are upbeat as well!
deleted_user
deleted_user
I feel that being anywhere you are not in control of you is not nice. I always tell my sons that no matter where you are you take you with you,with that said I feel like they make the situation the best it can be for them. I see in my sons eyes sometimes the distant pain of not being in control,having to ask for permission to do things from the co's when we visit. We don't so much talk on the phone so I really don't know thier day to day,but as the others have said anything they can do in the streets they can do in jail the drinking(they make alcohol or wine)the drugs,the sex with the co's all we can do is pray that they learn something from the experience. I think sometimes we think they have it good so we don't think about all the bad that also happens in jail because theres lots of bad. I hope my words help in some way.
deleted_user
deleted_user
The prison my fiance is in now is somewhat like a college dorm as it's minimum/medium security. They have the run of the yard most of the time but they do have rules and restrictions. They definitely DON'T have movie night but that may be different in a women's prison. It doesn't sound like your daughter has learned if she's complaining no drugs, alcohol or guys. As a mother, my heart aches to hear that.
Posts You May Be Interested In
  • GrassIsGreen

    acknowlodging

    Posted by: GrassIsGreen
    Last Reply: GrassIsGreen
    15
    I have been here before, a long long time ago and now I am back.Forgive me for not just saying what I want to say,even under a triple dose of antidepressants it is still raw and seeping and I am hesitant at revealing it as at least under the bandages around my heart I don,t have to look at how raw and wounded.My child was cleaved from my heart by his own actions. my child of ten,turning eleven...
  • irishwriter

    come unwind in the bp lounge

    Posted by: irishwriter
    Last Reply: irishwriter
    7904
    theatre and I are there already. I'm having a very berry tea with crackers, cheese and cherry tomatoes and she's having a joint with some beer and we're both on really comfy recliners on thick pile carpet. we need some help with the decor if anyone is around??