Thank you all for whoever reads this. I just needed to do something to keep my hands busy and pass a few minutes of the day. Today is just a blah day, I woke up with that oh so familiar feeling of what's the point of getting out of bed. Thankfully my puppy was whining her head off to go out so that at least pulled me out from under the covers. But all day I've had the feeling of what's the point? I hat this depressing feeling. We're one week away from Greg's preliminary and the time seems to have slowed to a snail crawl. I'm scared and excited at the same time. Scared to hear they'll take it to trial but excited if they decide to dismiss. It just seems so difficult filling the time, there's almost nothing for me to do right now. I've tried reading but I can't focus well enough today to realy get into the story, so I've been sitting around my mother's house zoneing out on the t/v My puppy saved me again for a little bit when I finally decided to work with her on her commands but she quickly got a full belly and just wanted to play. I then tried to work out for a little bit but when I was done I sat on the couch and thought "wow, it's like I'm in a poche prison" nothing but time on my hands to think, work out, and read. I feel like crap because everytime I DO go out and do something like when my mom took me shopping, or rented movies or cooked dinner I can't help but feel guilty because I can't stop thinking about the hell Greg is going through, the crap he's being forced to eat, the nothing he has to fill his time with. He told me yesterday on a phone call that his toiletries were stolen and he hadn't had a chance to shower in a while. I told him to keep his cool and not get into a fight over it, I can always send him money to replace what he needs but if he gets in trouble in there he's done for. We only have another week to hold out until we know what's going to happen next but it feels like it's a year away. I'm starting to slip in my strength today, all I want is to hold him and let him know it will be o.k. I can't stand this feeling of helplessness, I can't stand this feeling of I'm sitting in a nice air conditioned house with private showers, food to eat whenever and whatever I want, t/v to watche whenever and whatever I want and he's in there fighting to hold on to shampoo!!!! It's not fair, he didn't do anything and he's being punished for nothing. It's hard to look on the brightside today. The only thing I can think of remotely bright right now is that the absence has made our hearts grow fonder and because of this we now both know we're ready to be together for life (better or worse) and we're going through what I hope is the worst we'll ever face. I can't wait until this is over, I'm afraid we're both going to have nightmares for months after this is done but at least when one of us wakes up screaming the other will be right there to make it o.k. again. bah! I need chocolate.....thanks to all those who read my little rant....just writing it has made me feel a little better
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