I joined this website because I needed people to "yell" at when I just didnt understand anymore. Well today is my day. I drive 3 - 4 hours once a week to visit my B/F. Because of the distance I am allowed 2 visits back to back so I get 1 hour. I know a few weeks back we talked about jail tatoos...well he got his...I guess a week or so back. Told his son (who lives with me by the way) but asked him not to tell me so it could be a "suprise". Well it wasnt a suprise (I knew he was going to get it, his son didnt tell me) but it did piss me off. I asked him if it made him a man now, he told me "No, its to remind me to never come back". Okay I can live with that. Am I wrong to be angry that he asked his son to not tell me...I am beginning to question what else is "dont tell Chrissy". I moved into this house to live with my b/f and 2 short months later he is in jail. I take care of everything here on my own and have his son w/girlfriend living here in addition to my kids. I make these long drives weekly so he is reminded how important he is to me and now I wonder....what else am I not told about, for some reason I feel like anything to do with his son is non of my business. Now mind you that his son & girlfriend have no problem letting him know all of my doings. And something else that hit me hard today, he has been in jail 9 weeks now, and I feel like I dont remember him anymore, the way he feels, stuff like that....we are only 9 weeks into what could be 20 months HELP!! I know once he goes to State I can at least touch him, but how do I keep strong until then when we have no idea when that will be. Am I just letting it get to me too much because I am lonely. I honestly feel like its HIS family against me. Yet I make sure the house runs, I make sure there is money on his books, I make sure there are minutes on our phones so he can call "his son" too (I am not selfish about him calling just me), I make sure everyone writes - I even provide the stamps, and when I tell him that I am feeling like a doormat he tells me that I make him sad and I am reading too much into things. I cant even write to him myself anymore, I used to write daily, now I feel like whatever I say he tells his son and then its followed by "dont tell Chrissy". So now what?? Sorry for rambling.
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