I understand your wanting to vent because you did not get the response from the ex that you wanted, BUT I have to admit that I totally agree with her being angry that you contacted the school with this information. Being a Mother myself, that really was not your place to do that. If the child's Mother wanted the school to be privy to that information then she should have called herself. Sorry, but I think you stepped out of line here. May not be what you want to hear, but just my opinion.

Like I said this is a tiny school. In the whole elementary school (*and it's the only one in town) there might be 200 kids... Very small.. And if I thought the school would be able to reach "mom" when her son needs them to know, then I wouldn't have mentioned it.. But I have a son that in elementary school needed special support (and her's has already shown the need) and the teachers always needed to know what was going on so that they didn't punish the child incorrectly. If she was an active mother then I wouldn't have said a thing... But active she's not. In fact the school would call dad (non custodial parent) because they could never reach mom when the son was ill or anything else. And my purpose for calling wasn't to rat out the jail thing.. I actually called just to get the fundraiser info, and they said they usually have to call dad.. So I updated them on the information so they wouldn't continue to call him and him not ever return a call. I know he wanted me to let the school know since he couldn't.

I understand the need to update the school with proper information for emergency purposes, if one is listed as a contact. I think the information provided on the where abouts of the sons father could have been left up to the mother. So she is the type of mom one explains her out to be. I feel she needs to do her motherhood as she sees fit. I believe any mother being overstepped when it comes to the welfare of the child is a touchy situation, whether the parenting is appropriate or not. I believe she had every right to be upset about the situation that had unfolded. I know for my son who is ADHD, on top of my trying situation, I have not let the school know anything about my husbands where abouts. Believe me we have our days at times. The acting out in class and the emotions at home. If it got extremely bad I would release the information during our IEP meeting, but it would be me not someone else. I really think if the situation was looked at closely you honestly would be upset too. I do believe you had every right to call the school in regards to your fund raising purchase. The school should be aware that the goods were never delivered.I would have left it at that and would have let them handle the situation. This could have been resolved from the school either refunding you your money or them making sure the goods were delieverd. This is just my oppinion to this post.

You crossed a line. You had no right to contact the school about anything BUT the fundraiser. Period.
Your last comments are telling, I think. You say that she's the reason he has an alcohol problem. No, HE is the reason he has an alcohol problem. No one poured drinks down his throat.
You also say that he has ten years to deal with her. Wrong again. Once they have a child they are tied for life. There will be weddings, grandchildren, funerals...and if you plan to stay in his life you need to learn how to watch your mouth and mind your own business.
Sorry, but this is how I feel. I'd have had a restraining order slapped on you.

jaysmom,
not ONCE did i say she is the REASON he has an alcohol problem, what i said was it's no wonder he has one.. And what was meant by that is the added stress she causes.
And i do mind my mouth, I was here venting NOT talking to her like that. In fact when she's screaming on MY porch at him, I bite my tongue each and every time. When she's yelling she's never asked him for money (even though not ten minutes before she needed gas money to drive ten miles to pick her kids up) i bit my tongue and didn't say... wow... selective memory? Nope I didn't say that. I let her stand there and make a scene. Each and everytime I let her do it and don't say a word. I have a child, so i know all about crossing lines, and the way he'll have to deal with her at "special occassions"... What I meant by having ten years left is that it will ONLY be limited to being in the same room every rare often for those special occassions, and not every single weekend. Wow.. you really read a whole lot more into my message then what should have been.. He has only ten years left that he has to deal DIRECTLY with her. I can speak from experience.. they can be in the same room and not have to talk to each other at all. my parents were like that at first... my son's dad and i were like that at first..
and a judge would have laughed her out of the courtroom if she tried to file a restraining order on me... they would first of all ask why in the world she didn't let the teacher know, second why it is that DHS has been involved in the previous school (she has switched these kids 4 times since the last school year; and NO i didn't call DHS i like to leave people alone and let them live their life no matter if i agree with it or not)... And for the record dad was glad that i let the school know. his son is 9 (will be 9 in december) and at his last school had some pretty major emotional issues and was starting in school counseling (only after DHS required it) and she up and moved them to another school. I have my personal opinions on that matter, that she is obviously hiding something, but again, didn't say a bad word about her to the school or anyone else other then venting here.

And if anyone here thinks that I'm making excuses for him you are way off. When we talk and he complains about being where he is... The exact words I say and I will quote "you put yourself there" I've also been known to say that "you only control yourself, you don't control others" so don't for one second think I blame her or anyone other then him! I don't live in a dream world, in a world of lies to suit me, in a world with a gold lining that's not real. I live in the real world. I learned at a very young age that life is hard, you make choices and in doing so choose your consequences. So I do take some offense to the thought that I'm trying to slough off blame to someone else for him, cause i am in no way doing that.

like i said in the original post i was here venting... that means that i clearly didn't say the things i would absolutely love to say to her... even when she was screaming at me on the phone i didn't. i think i included a script almost verbatem as to what was said. so "watching my mouth" isn't an issue i need to work on..

sorry if this comes off rude and defensive.. but i wanted to clear up any misunderstandings that may have come across. i don't think i overstepped any lines, and if my son was going through something similar at such a young age and i knew he needed counseling or thought he was having issues at school and NEGLECTED to tell the school and someone else did then yeah i'd be pissed, but it would be because i wasn't doing my job as a mother. a responsible mother. that's why it would piss me off. but i don't think that will ever happen. i know that the people around my child as much as i am need to be made aware of certain things in life.. life changing things.. and if you think an 8 year old that has been with his dad almost every weekend of his life that now suddenly stops being around his dad and having his mother saying things like "your dad didn't care enough about you to stop drinking" doesn't have problems that need to be addressed, then i just don't know what to say. i know that she says that because she was saying it before he got locked up. she said it to his kids while she was screaming at him on the phone. he's a very responsible dad... spent time with his kids, paid his child support each and every month, even paid her electric bill so that the kids would have a warm or cool house. he just has an addiction. and we all know that addiction can rule your world sometimes. it doesn't have to do with how much you love someone. it's an addiction. alcoholism is also (and i never can spell this word right) define hereditary and his mother was/is an alcoholic... Anyway... REally I just came here to clear the air.. guess i still feel the need to vent.. Going on a month of no seeing the guy is starting to hurt a lot. but he just got placed, so hopefully i'll get to see him soon. they say he gets to add a handful of people to a visitor's list for the first 30 days, immediate family, so i'm hoping he's smart enough to add me. since i'll be the only one visiting him.. his dad (which i don't think will visit him) is in NY for the next month.. it being a 3 hour drive 1 way will make it difficult for his aunt to visit.. other then that noone will be visiting.. but he's in a better place. the guard i talked to said that he would have to let me know if he put me on the list or not, so i said i'll just wait for his call later today.. and he said i'll probably get a letter before a phone call.. LOL.. that's just funny.. it'll take 2 weeks to get me a letter so there's half of his 30 days.. sometimes you just have to laugh... but i think the guard meant because of blocks and stuff on the phone line.. i know i don't have a block. so that's at least one good thing.. maybe i'll get a call tonight.. anyway.. he has a little more freedom now.. not locked down 23 hours a day.. that's great news.. even better he can start his program to get out.. i'm just crossing my fingers that at some point during his "stay" his mind will cross over to not wanting to drink, and even see the time he'll have not drinking as some sort of personal challenge to keep ahold of.. right now i know he doesn't want to stop drinking.. but i'm really hoping through the classes he'll be doing he'll learn that he doesn't have to drink.. he can deal with stresses in better ways.. more prodcuctive ways (like painting the house... LOL)

somehow all my posts end up so long.. so if you're still reading this, let me say wow.. you're patient.. and im sorry for wasting 3 minutes (or however long it took to read) of your life... :)

It is obvious that you are very upset that others did not agree with your on your post. If you want to "vent", then perhaps the best place to do that would be in your journal. Your post is under "Discussions", so all assume you wanted to discuss the topic you posted. Regardless, we all disagreed with you reporting your bf's whereabouts to the school and alerting them to his son's possible behavioral problems. How your bf's ex-wife disciplines or parents that child is not what is being discussed here (there are always 2 sides to every story as well)...what is being discussed is the fact that you took it upon yourself to alert the school to the POSSIBILITY of a child acting out and to his father's whereabouts. I am sure you are well aware that regardless of the nature of the crime, society always forms opinions when the word "prison" is mentioned. I sure hope this child is not condemned because of your words to the school. If and only if, the child's mother deemed it necessary to alert the school, then that is her responsibility to do so. That should not have been something you took into your own hands. We are all entitled to confidentiality and you breached this by speaking to school personnel. The school does NOT have to be aware of his father's whereabouts....that is just additional information for them to have if the Mother chooses to tell them.

Or if the father wanted it told. But that's not going to be debated.. At any rate, I was really just responding to the last poster who said i should watch my mouth. Not something I have an issue with, or his ex and I would have already had it out. Which we haven't. She gets in her spiffs and that's all it was. I don't suspect I'll be hearing from her again, not even to get my fundraising stuff which honestly I would never have gotten anyway. I guess you just have to know her to know how irresponsible she is. I know it's hard for good mothers to imagine such a bad one, but trust me they are out there. I didn't believe it either until I met her..

If the father wanted the school to know he should write a letter.
Reading your posts it's obvious that you're upset, and probably not as much at the ex as the situation you find yourself in. Try Al-Anon while he's inside. It won't help him to decide whether or not to drink, it will help you decide how you respond to his drinking.
It is not your job to judge another mother, really. We all do the best we can do. If she isn't up to your standards then that's too bad. Once he gets out and you spend time with the children again you can treat them the way you'd like to see them be treated. Until then, you have no right to tell anyone.
Geez, don't you think that secretary got off the phone and said, "wow, did you know little Timmy's dad is in PRISON?" Now the whole school knows. I pray this kid doesn't suffer for what you did.

2 strange things happened today.. the first of which was I came here to post a follow up and I had lost my membership... Strange..

The school counselor called me after speaking to mom about what all this boy is going through and wants to meet with me and her. She wants to meet with me to talk about the possibility of the child still visiting my house even though dad isn't there because he has expressed an interest but doesn't think mom would allow it and so i guess tomorrow that's how I'm spending my lunch. I told her that I agreed with him. Don't think mom's going to allow it. But i guess the counselor has spent alot of time talking to him this year already or at least that's what i picked up on after five minutes on the phone with him... We talked a little bit about the issues he's having at school and that was only because i was talking to the counselor about my son and the experiences he went through growing up with a near absent dad... And the counselor led on that this boy is starting to show the same signs.. I'll be kind and cordial as I always am with "mom" and we'll see how it goes. I have a feeling that it will end with her screaming or crying as that's usually how all the conversations I've ever witnessed end with her.
I'm sure some of youwill say just by talking to the counselor I overstepped some line, but my phone rang and I answered it.. I care alot about this kid, and just want him to get what he needs to be productive and healthy. I didn't initiate it in anyway at all. And the worse I thing I said was that I think she probably has issues of her own, then followed up with but i'm sure we all do...
Think what you will, but I do think after she talks to the counselor enough she'll realize it's something she should have already done.. I mean eventually we all open our eyes and see when things happen for the best.. Or at least I think we do as adults.. I don't know.. I just know that I don't regret anything I have done so far as far as this post is concerned.. And future postings about this will be in my journal, as I am no longer watching this topic.
And believe it or not I do read each and every response, and take it into deep consideration. I can see both sides of this issue, but since I'm actually relating directly to it, and know the person of whom I speak, I know it was the right thing to have done. And honestly feel like I should have called the school the day it happened. It's been a month now, and from what I got from the phone call today, it could have come in handy for them to know what was going on sooner.. Anyway.. Best of luck to everyone on here..
I think I'm going to get a physical visit in face to face very soon with my guy and CAN'T WAIT!!! 30 days or less!!!

It doesnt matter whats done is done. I wouldnt personally want ANYONE informing any of my childrens schools friends etc of our situation that is up to them. Its rough enough allready. But its obvious you were only trying to help so be it. Yelling and freaking out by her, is not going to change it either. Hang in there!