
Families of Prisoners Support Group
This community is dedicated to families that have been disrupted by prison. Having a loved one incarcerated or having been incarcerated comes with its own unique challenges that require support and understanding. Join the group to find others who know what you're going through, and to seek advice or share your experience.

jody0385
I just have to vent.... My bf's ex wife is such a DUNCE... I called her last night when I realized we had ordered some stuff from his son's fundraiser and haven't gottne it yet.. We ordered it LONG time ago.. Anyway she said it's in her freezer... YEAH RIGHT.... So I called the school today to find out when she got it (so I know if I want to eat it or not.. LOL)... She's had it two weeks.. Well I'd kind of like to get it.. Some of it's chocolate candy (sugar free) and some other food items.. So of course i want it.. 30.00 worth of stuff and I'm NOT rich.. LOL..
Anyway while on the phone to the lady at the school (tiny tiny school where I went actually) I was talking to the lady about his dad going to jail and he might not see him for quite some time.. I just wanted them to be aware of that LIFE CHANGING situation.. In case he acts up in class or something (and he has in the past acted out in class)... (My son went through this in elementary school because his dad was absent so I understand the concept of keeping school aware)... Anyway... The stupid girl (ex wife) calls me and asks if I called the school... I said yeah.. she wanted to know why.. I said cause I wanted to know how long you've had the food.. She says what else did you talk about, did you talk about his dad? And I said yeah I did actually. I thought they should know.. Then she says (and I capitalize for her yelling) DON'T EVER CALL MY SON'S SCHOOL AGAIN. THAT'S NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS IT'S PERSONAL. IF YOU EVER CALL THE SCHOOL AGAIN I'LL PRESS CHARGES. So I said for what??? Then I said nevermind good luck with that... The she continued on about threatening me and I just said Look I don't take nice to threats, so I'm ending the call now good bye..
And hung up... Like what the hell is going to press charges?? "Um yeah, my ex hubby's girl just called my son's school to let them know that my ex hubby is in jail and that if my son acts up it could be for that reason, and if he starts to introvert the counselor might talk to him since the school now knows".. I can hear the response she would get... "You wanna do what again ma'am?"... She's such an idiot! You should ALWAYS let your child's school know when a LIFE CHANGING thing happens for one of their students. My God. I don't have no degree or nuttin' but even I know that! She won't be winning mother of the year award.. Oh and get this.. The only reason she even knew I called was because when the school couldn't reach her via phone, they called HER SISTER! She NEVER answers the phone...
idiot idiot idiot..
Sorry guys.. I know this might not be the place to post it, but I just had to post it.. She's an idiot. It's no wonder my guy has an alcohol problem.. He knows he still has TEN YEARS to deal with her ignorance...
Anyway while on the phone to the lady at the school (tiny tiny school where I went actually) I was talking to the lady about his dad going to jail and he might not see him for quite some time.. I just wanted them to be aware of that LIFE CHANGING situation.. In case he acts up in class or something (and he has in the past acted out in class)... (My son went through this in elementary school because his dad was absent so I understand the concept of keeping school aware)... Anyway... The stupid girl (ex wife) calls me and asks if I called the school... I said yeah.. she wanted to know why.. I said cause I wanted to know how long you've had the food.. She says what else did you talk about, did you talk about his dad? And I said yeah I did actually. I thought they should know.. Then she says (and I capitalize for her yelling) DON'T EVER CALL MY SON'S SCHOOL AGAIN. THAT'S NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS IT'S PERSONAL. IF YOU EVER CALL THE SCHOOL AGAIN I'LL PRESS CHARGES. So I said for what??? Then I said nevermind good luck with that... The she continued on about threatening me and I just said Look I don't take nice to threats, so I'm ending the call now good bye..
And hung up... Like what the hell is going to press charges?? "Um yeah, my ex hubby's girl just called my son's school to let them know that my ex hubby is in jail and that if my son acts up it could be for that reason, and if he starts to introvert the counselor might talk to him since the school now knows".. I can hear the response she would get... "You wanna do what again ma'am?"... She's such an idiot! You should ALWAYS let your child's school know when a LIFE CHANGING thing happens for one of their students. My God. I don't have no degree or nuttin' but even I know that! She won't be winning mother of the year award.. Oh and get this.. The only reason she even knew I called was because when the school couldn't reach her via phone, they called HER SISTER! She NEVER answers the phone...
idiot idiot idiot..
Sorry guys.. I know this might not be the place to post it, but I just had to post it.. She's an idiot. It's no wonder my guy has an alcohol problem.. He knows he still has TEN YEARS to deal with her ignorance...
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Your last comments are telling, I think. You say that she's the reason he has an alcohol problem. No, HE is the reason he has an alcohol problem. No one poured drinks down his throat.
You also say that he has ten years to deal with her. Wrong again. Once they have a child they are tied for life. There will be weddings, grandchildren, funerals...and if you plan to stay in his life you need to learn how to watch your mouth and mind your own business.
Sorry, but this is how I feel. I'd have had a restraining order slapped on you.
not ONCE did i say she is the REASON he has an alcohol problem, what i said was it's no wonder he has one.. And what was meant by that is the added stress she causes.
And i do mind my mouth, I was here venting NOT talking to her like that. In fact when she's screaming on MY porch at him, I bite my tongue each and every time. When she's yelling she's never asked him for money (even though not ten minutes before she needed gas money to drive ten miles to pick her kids up) i bit my tongue and didn't say... wow... selective memory? Nope I didn't say that. I let her stand there and make a scene. Each and everytime I let her do it and don't say a word. I have a child, so i know all about crossing lines, and the way he'll have to deal with her at "special occassions"... What I meant by having ten years left is that it will ONLY be limited to being in the same room every rare often for those special occassions, and not every single weekend. Wow.. you really read a whole lot more into my message then what should have been.. He has only ten years left that he has to deal DIRECTLY with her. I can speak from experience.. they can be in the same room and not have to talk to each other at all. my parents were like that at first... my son's dad and i were like that at first..
and a judge would have laughed her out of the courtroom if she tried to file a restraining order on me... they would first of all ask why in the world she didn't let the teacher know, second why it is that DHS has been involved in the previous school (she has switched these kids 4 times since the last school year; and NO i didn't call DHS i like to leave people alone and let them live their life no matter if i agree with it or not)... And for the record dad was glad that i let the school know. his son is 9 (will be 9 in december) and at his last school had some pretty major emotional issues and was starting in school counseling (only after DHS required it) and she up and moved them to another school. I have my personal opinions on that matter, that she is obviously hiding something, but again, didn't say a bad word about her to the school or anyone else other then venting here.
And if anyone here thinks that I'm making excuses for him you are way off. When we talk and he complains about being where he is... The exact words I say and I will quote "you put yourself there" I've also been known to say that "you only control yourself, you don't control others" so don't for one second think I blame her or anyone other then him! I don't live in a dream world, in a world of lies to suit me, in a world with a gold lining that's not real. I live in the real world. I learned at a very young age that life is hard, you make choices and in doing so choose your consequences. So I do take some offense to the thought that I'm trying to slough off blame to someone else for him, cause i am in no way doing that.
like i said in the original post i was here venting... that means that i clearly didn't say the things i would absolutely love to say to her... even when she was screaming at me on the phone i didn't. i think i included a script almost verbatem as to what was said. so "watching my mouth" isn't an issue i need to work on..
sorry if this comes off rude and defensive.. but i wanted to clear up any misunderstandings that may have come across. i don't think i overstepped any lines, and if my son was going through something similar at such a young age and i knew he needed counseling or thought he was having issues at school and NEGLECTED to tell the school and someone else did then yeah i'd be pissed, but it would be because i wasn't doing my job as a mother. a responsible mother. that's why it would piss me off. but i don't think that will ever happen. i know that the people around my child as much as i am need to be made aware of certain things in life.. life changing things.. and if you think an 8 year old that has been with his dad almost every weekend of his life that now suddenly stops being around his dad and having his mother saying things like "your dad didn't care enough about you to stop drinking" doesn't have problems that need to be addressed, then i just don't know what to say. i know that she says that because she was saying it before he got locked up. she said it to his kids while she was screaming at him on the phone. he's a very responsible dad... spent time with his kids, paid his child support each and every month, even paid her electric bill so that the kids would have a warm or cool house. he just has an addiction. and we all know that addiction can rule your world sometimes. it doesn't have to do with how much you love someone. it's an addiction. alcoholism is also (and i never can spell this word right) define hereditary and his mother was/is an alcoholic... Anyway... REally I just came here to clear the air.. guess i still feel the need to vent.. Going on a month of no seeing the guy is starting to hurt a lot. but he just got placed, so hopefully i'll get to see him soon. they say he gets to add a handful of people to a visitor's list for the first 30 days, immediate family, so i'm hoping he's smart enough to add me. since i'll be the only one visiting him.. his dad (which i don't think will visit him) is in NY for the next month.. it being a 3 hour drive 1 way will make it difficult for his aunt to visit.. other then that noone will be visiting.. but he's in a better place. the guard i talked to said that he would have to let me know if he put me on the list or not, so i said i'll just wait for his call later today.. and he said i'll probably get a letter before a phone call.. LOL.. that's just funny.. it'll take 2 weeks to get me a letter so there's half of his 30 days.. sometimes you just have to laugh... but i think the guard meant because of blocks and stuff on the phone line.. i know i don't have a block. so that's at least one good thing.. maybe i'll get a call tonight.. anyway.. he has a little more freedom now.. not locked down 23 hours a day.. that's great news.. even better he can start his program to get out.. i'm just crossing my fingers that at some point during his "stay" his mind will cross over to not wanting to drink, and even see the time he'll have not drinking as some sort of personal challenge to keep ahold of.. right now i know he doesn't want to stop drinking.. but i'm really hoping through the classes he'll be doing he'll learn that he doesn't have to drink.. he can deal with stresses in better ways.. more prodcuctive ways (like painting the house... LOL)
somehow all my posts end up so long.. so if you're still reading this, let me say wow.. you're patient.. and im sorry for wasting 3 minutes (or however long it took to read) of your life... :)
Reading your posts it's obvious that you're upset, and probably not as much at the ex as the situation you find yourself in. Try Al-Anon while he's inside. It won't help him to decide whether or not to drink, it will help you decide how you respond to his drinking.
It is not your job to judge another mother, really. We all do the best we can do. If she isn't up to your standards then that's too bad. Once he gets out and you spend time with the children again you can treat them the way you'd like to see them be treated. Until then, you have no right to tell anyone.
Geez, don't you think that secretary got off the phone and said, "wow, did you know little Timmy's dad is in PRISON?" Now the whole school knows. I pray this kid doesn't suffer for what you did.
The school counselor called me after speaking to mom about what all this boy is going through and wants to meet with me and her. She wants to meet with me to talk about the possibility of the child still visiting my house even though dad isn't there because he has expressed an interest but doesn't think mom would allow it and so i guess tomorrow that's how I'm spending my lunch. I told her that I agreed with him. Don't think mom's going to allow it. But i guess the counselor has spent alot of time talking to him this year already or at least that's what i picked up on after five minutes on the phone with him... We talked a little bit about the issues he's having at school and that was only because i was talking to the counselor about my son and the experiences he went through growing up with a near absent dad... And the counselor led on that this boy is starting to show the same signs.. I'll be kind and cordial as I always am with "mom" and we'll see how it goes. I have a feeling that it will end with her screaming or crying as that's usually how all the conversations I've ever witnessed end with her.
I'm sure some of youwill say just by talking to the counselor I overstepped some line, but my phone rang and I answered it.. I care alot about this kid, and just want him to get what he needs to be productive and healthy. I didn't initiate it in anyway at all. And the worse I thing I said was that I think she probably has issues of her own, then followed up with but i'm sure we all do...
Think what you will, but I do think after she talks to the counselor enough she'll realize it's something she should have already done.. I mean eventually we all open our eyes and see when things happen for the best.. Or at least I think we do as adults.. I don't know.. I just know that I don't regret anything I have done so far as far as this post is concerned.. And future postings about this will be in my journal, as I am no longer watching this topic.
And believe it or not I do read each and every response, and take it into deep consideration. I can see both sides of this issue, but since I'm actually relating directly to it, and know the person of whom I speak, I know it was the right thing to have done. And honestly feel like I should have called the school the day it happened. It's been a month now, and from what I got from the phone call today, it could have come in handy for them to know what was going on sooner.. Anyway.. Best of luck to everyone on here..
I think I'm going to get a physical visit in face to face very soon with my guy and CAN'T WAIT!!! 30 days or less!!!