Families & Friends of Gays & Lesbians Support Group
This community is dedicated to parents, siblings, grandparents, other relatives and friends of someone who is either gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender or questioning their sexual orientation. The purpose of this community is to help families and friendships grow and maintain positive relationships with gay sons, daughters, family or friends.
Where does one even start. I cannot begin to process all of the emotions, fears, hurts that are swirling through me right now - My wife told me on Saturday - I knew something was wrong, there have been some problems, but we were getting them sorted out and I am just in the 2nd month of a new job- that I can't screw up, there is definitely too much at stake here for that. I have promised to stand by her - and want to have some sort of a relationship when this is all done. I love my wife desperately, and know how scared she feels right now. She has never been with a woman, but has asked for my permission to explore a relationship with a woman, to see if it is what she really wants. I said OK - both because I was in shock, and because, quite frankly I am hoping to find some kind of a solution- I know I am deceiving myself, but because I love her, I also want to protect her - even if that means destroying myself in the process. I have started the process to get professional help, and have reached out as much as I feel I can to my support network, next steps are to get busy - join groups, anything not to be at home nights when she is out on a date. We are supposed to keep everything 'normal' for Christmas, but I am dying on the inside, I can't eat, I can't sleep, I can barely function
deleted_user
Hold on tight, the first days are the worst. I would suggest that you talk to your wife again before agreeing as to what she can pursue until you get a minute to get your feet on the ground. Try to have her hold off until you have an appointment with a professional. It is all too easy to lose yourself in this process. Don't let things go too fast.
deleted_user
Thanks greta - I am doing both - going fast, and taking it slow. I am playing a little catch up since my wife has been working with her support system for 3 weeks now - and I am just getting started. I don't think she would start dating anyone until the new year - and I have my first appt this afternoon - gradually building up my support systems
deleted_user
That strange feeling you have is normal for a while. I did see a professional and realized alot of things. My husband of 20 years felt like he wanted another man. He found someone within 3 weeks of leaving home and thought he had gotten a new lease on life. Now 8 months later he is finding himself alone it was just a fling and it truly wasn't what he was searching for but I had time for myself to think and try to make sense of everything. I too couldn't sleep, eat the first 3 months I was in a fog. It is better. My therapist told me I was looking at a puzzle with a couple of missing pieces and was focusing on what was missing and why instead of seeing the whole puzzle knowing I could see what the picture was. I hope things work out for you and your family.
deleted_user
I am definitely on that roller coaster - and I wish everything could turn out OK for my family - but inside I know it will not - even if she tries dating women, and decides to come back - it is over - there is no undoing the hurt - what sucks is that none of is in intentional - but that does not make the hurt any less
deleted_user
I know exactly what you mean. The hurt is the same and yet our spouses don't want to hurt us, it is its own very special torture. We will all get through this.
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theatre and I are there already. I'm having a very berry tea with crackers, cheese and cherry tomatoes and she's having a joint with some beer and we're both on really comfy recliners on thick pile carpet. we need some help with the decor if anyone is around??
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I'm trying to exercise daily. I was doing fairly well until I sprained my ankle 2 weeks ago but now I'm getting back on the horse. Today I walked over a mile with my arm weights that are about 22lbs total. I was out of shape and it was hard on my arms. I also did my 30 situps. I'm also going to drink a lot of water and try to eat healthy. I do tend to have a sweet tooth but I'm cutting...
