I've lost 3 people to drugs and alcohol. My daughter was 9 and caught in the crossfire during an attempted robbery at a restuarant. The gunman was high on pot, cocaine, and beer. He owed his drug dealer $1200 so he robbed the place. We were all there, but my younger daughter witnessed the shooting death of her only sister. Over the next 5 years I watched my once wonderful husband become an alcoholic who eventually did nothing but sit on the couch and drink. I tried to get him to go to counseling like my daughter and I did, but it was no use. I guess he just didn't want to feel anything anymore. It took another 5 years before I finally divorced him. I was already a single parent paying all the bills and taking care of the kids so I just made it official. We were married 20 years. After the divorce my daughter started going down hill fast. She got mixed up with the wrong crowd and she also started doing drugs. Fast forward 2 years later - 2 weeks after her 18th birthday (March)she went out the window and moved in with the "love of her life" a 25 yr old divorced father of 2 who lives with his mommy, has no car, doesn't see his kids or pay support and can't keep a job. They were dating a month or so before this. I have seen her 3 times since then. She is supposedly clean now, but so thin it's scary. The boyfriend is a rude ass who has cussed out her dad, me, her friends and nobody contacts her anymore because they are tired of the crap. She is all alone with the idiot, but people who see her tell me she has changed so much. She used to be so happy, bubbly and easy going. She was the responsible, loving daughter and I was so proud. I guess now she doesn't see anyone, is very quiet, and seems sad. That's what I'm told anyway. I just don't understand how my ex and my daughter could turn to drugs and alcohol after everything that happened. It's why I only have 3 kids alive instead of 4!!!!! Everyday is a gift and they have chosen to throw it away feeling sorry for themselves and numbing the pain instead of living a decent life. I miss my family so much. I have 2 boys who are such a joy, I just bought a house and it's so peaceful, but I never really feel happy. I want to reach out to my daughter and convince her to come home and go to college, but it seems like everything I do just pushes her away. My ex cancels his visitation half the time and the boys cry, they also cry for their sister and I cry because I can't help them. I can't fix it and sometimes I just get so tired of having to be the strong one. Sometimes I wonder if I'm the idiot because I'm still feeling the pain and my ex and my daughter can just go about their merry way without a care or a thought about anyone else but themselves. I'm just so exhausted and I wonder when it will end. I just want my old boring life back. I'm so sad again and I don't know what to do anymore.
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