Families & Friends Of Addicts Support Group

Addiction affects more than just the individual. This community is dedicated to the families and friends of individuals suffering from any form of addiction. Mental health professionals are increasingly considering alcoholism and addiction as diseases that flourish in and are enabled by family systems. Family members react to the addicted person with particular behavioral...

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what do you do when you cant cut the chord??

deleted_user
deleted_user
You see, Im one of thease over annylizing people who doesnt know how to turn her brain off. I have no idea what i should do because my head definatly says no but my heart is definatly saying stay. I wanna stay because when he doesnt use he is awsome... My best friend. I dont know how to be with out him. The other part is saying, I cant deal with his cocain addiction and im going coo coo because of it. when he uses i get so frustrated and hurt and pissed because i have absolutly no coping skills to handle his relapses. I want to support him for the sake of him and espechially the kids but god, its so hard. My friends dont understand that the reason i stay is because I have faith in him and i love him but ive also lost friends because Iv stayed. Im a stay at home mom and im hoping to go to college in january. and think that he will hurt my chances of doing good because i cant handle the relapses. But my kids are a nervous wreck when hes not there and it breaks my heart. I know if i duke it out and things do work out id be the happiest gurl in the world. Im so confused!!!!! Every time i do leave him, ill be fine then when i see him i just cant be away from him. I feel like hes my evil addiction. Im so lost!! PLEASE SOMEONE GIVE ME ADVISE!!!!!!!! This is so hard!! My head hurts!!
mgs1
mgs1
2 things. Google PAWS, post Addiction Withdrawal Symdrone. or Post Accute Withdawal Symdrone. You need to know what you and he are facing. Next Reserach the drug Modifinil. Fillip a user on here swears by it and I know 3 people on it, incuding our son. The results have been dramatic.
I believe you can only make the right decision when you have all the facts.
All my Best.
deleted_user
deleted_user
You CAN NOT fix him...But you can work on you...coda or alanon are great places to find a program that will help. I work coda and NA steps (I'm a sober addict and a fiance of a recovering addict) but rely on The bible more than the Big Book but that's my personal decision.
deleted_user
deleted_user
I truely understand your feelings but you need to take a look at your self for a minute You are addicted to your situation I was and still am to a point. Girl we have issues because everyone in my family and my friends save one dosent understand why I have stayed with him as long as I have so I stopped looking at him and took a long hard look at my self and I was upset with what I saw his addictions where killing me and my kids the strees was awful all ways pattting him down going through his things to try and find his drugs the fights when I would and despose of them him stealing from me and the kids. It was constant drama attention, and somewhere a part of me decided that it was normal to have these problems and I just started to except it as the norm. It takes alot of prayer and self respect to put your foot down and stick to your guns. My prayers and good wishes go out to you and your family
deleted_user
deleted_user
I know what you mean after 24 years with the same person it is hard to let g. I have moved away for more than a year and a half. He relapsed with pills and ended up in jail. He was sober for 16 years before. This last 1 1/2 years though he has been doing alchohol, perscription drugs also. He has told me many times he was going to be straight and was not. He went to jail and is now out. He has changed his cell not to talk to the other people that are using.
It is hard to trust. He sleeps on the floor in my apartment. I too feel this addiction to him,and I have this hope that he will come back, be sober and life will be happy. The worst part is that I am 44 years old and wonder if I am a bit dillusional. Hope there is some positive stories.
I plan on keeping my eyes open and going to al-anon. I am still angry and I am keeping him at arms length. He will have to prove himself and then there will be lotssssss of counseling for me.
This is not advice only a I feel your pain.
Good luck
deleted_user
deleted_user
RESPECT, QUESTION =DO YOU RESPECT YOURSELF?? IF HE LOVED YOU AND HAD RESPECT FOR YOU WOULD HE PUT YOU THROUGH THIS TIME AND TIME AGIAN??? YOU WORTH MORE THAN HIS ADDICTION WALK AWAY OR HE WILL JUST DO IT TO YOU AGAIN AND AGAIN.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Sadly we cannot "fix" the addict. They are NICE people with a terrible disease that changes them into NOT so nice people. I watched this transformation with my daughter. Only when they are ready will they seek help.

One thing I do know is that if we do not take GOOD care of us, detach with love, we will get as sick as they are without doing the drugs. I say that often, but for me, I found it to be so true. I had to realize that I could not change another person and even love will not cause someone to seek recovery. It really is an "inside" job.

I love my daughter more than life, and letting go of those things that I could not control, were very hard.
But once I was able to do that, and take care of me, I did feel better.

I hope you feel better soon. Maybe get and read the book Codependent No More by Melody Beattie. It is a really inspiring read.
Blessings....and I am sorry for your pain.
EllaBlue
deleted_user
deleted_user
Thank you all for your replies, they mean alot to me.....
deleted_user
deleted_user
I wish I knew the answer myself, I ask myself if it is time to leave or should I stay... the thing is, I want to stay, but I don't want the problems (obviously)... I want to be with the man I fell in love with, as I'm sure you do too... It's up to us I guess whether or not we want to take the chance that everything will be alright with this person... or take the easy road of being alright without this person...
deleted_user
deleted_user
it seems like it'd be so easy to leave and not look back... right when they need us the most...
Loved1
Loved1
Have been in love with coke addict, hell. Got clean myself from marijuana/alcohol. Now i'm in love with clean and sober recovering heroin addict. Though not as bad of a hell, still having a bad time. Recovery isn't guaranteed when you remove the drug. My recovery is not guaranteed when I remove the person from my life, it still affects me to the point where I seem to be repeating similar situations with new people. I'm the one that needs help. I get comfort in Al Anon, though I haven't worked 12 steps in that program (I am working steps in my own recovery program). I too am having hard time letting go of my current mate in recovery, we are off and on. I know he could relapse even though he's been clean and sober over 2 years (had been clean and sober about 6 years before his has relapse which caused a lot of wreckage). Yes, my sponsor asked if I think I am addicted to my boyfriend. I do have books on Love Addiction that I can relate to tremendously, and I have some work to do in this area, thanks for helping me realize stuff about me from your share (HUG).
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