In all honesty, I think there could be worse things for your husband to be addicted to that could even be life threatening. But I do believe, like with all addictions, that your husband's issue can be just as damaging to your relationship as any other.

There ARE things you can do to prevent him from downloading pornography. You can use administration tools on your PC to block pornographic sites, you can use a special program which some school systems use that will not load pages containing certain words related to pornography, and things like that.

Everyone has sexual urges and desires. It's perfectly natural for both men and women. You may want to look into your sexual relationship a bit. It isn't uncommon for men and women to lose interest in having sex with their partner when they could possibly have something 'more interesting' and satisfying on the side. Ask him about it.

Wish I had an answer for you. I have been married for 8.5 years. Finally filed for divorce a couple of weeks ago. Although he has software on his computer, he has proven that he still lies and can not be trusted.

Thanks...yes we do have software and he has learned to get it in different ways that the software cannot catch him. So I'm almost to the point that I don't think the lies will ever end and that this is a problem we will need to live with for the rest of our lives. Its either I accept it or like your doing divorce it. If it happens again I don't know what i'll do?

itsmybiz..
Every healthy adult has boundaries. Everyone's boundaries are different. Yours clearly do not include porn. Mine don't either. Some woman deal with it by watching porn flicks with their husband - others allow them to go to bars, buy porn and watch porn. Everyone's level of tolerance is different. The biggest problem I see here is the deception. He knows how you feel - and has deceived you. He knows if you are aware of what he likes, you won't like him. It is neither good nor bad. It just is. It is always better to work on changing ourselves, our situation and our life, than trying to change someone else.
If being in a relationship with who he really is - is uncomfortable for you - that means you aren't being true to yourself, maybe its not the relationship for you.
Stay strong and God Bless you. You will do the right thing for you.

itsmy, where trust is concerned, I feel that the addict has to ask him or herself if they can be trusted ONE day at a time, and we need to ask ourselves ONE day at a time if we can trust that person.

Relapse happens with addiction, no matter what the DOC (drug of choice) is, often times. Honestly, I really have to look at things in that ONE day at a time way. It helps me not to project, and it helps me from my mind running away with me as to what "could" happen. That way, I feel better prepared to deal.
Blessings..
EllaBlue

Hi itsmybitz, I totally understand what you are going through, and unless a woman experiences this she will never understand the pain. I know how they become liars, then detach themselves from you and reality. They begin to live in their own seedy little world, and you eventually become an insignificant part of their life. Eventually they are unable to have normal relationships with their wives, and only porn can satisfy their sexual needs. It doesnt matter how attractive you are either. They gradually destroy themselves, hitting the gutter. My gods do I know as I am in the throes of divorce, after a 20 year marriage because of my ex-husbands porn addiction. It is one of the hardest addictions to cure too. The brain releases these special chemicals when they masturbate to the porn, and that is what they become addicted to. Just like drugs, alcohol etc. it causes a real addiciton. The counselling treatment is exactly the same as for alcoholics, the 12 step programme. BUT just like an alcoholic they have to admit they have an addiction first, and WANT to get help for themselves.They need to go to counselling, which thir dooctor can refer them to, they need to join Sexaholics Anonymous, which their is a good network of, and attend the meetings. They need help, as it can not be cured alone.My goodness Kuroni you couldnt be more wrong in your advice. Far to many people nowadays think use of porn is normal, and its not until a real addiction to this affects their lives that they will understand. So many marriages are being shattered by porn. I am not sure if I am allowed to give a link to other sites from in here? If you can find out if I amitsmybiz, then I can guide you to an absolutely brilliant site, that helps adicts, and all partners affected by it. The fact that your husband is off sex with you means he really is deep into addiciton. My love I feel for you, the pain is unbearable, and unlike an affair with a real woman you just can't compete with these false porn images that have caused this. Yes it is adultry and infidelity. He prefers to use other women than his wife for sex. He prefers this type of fake relationship to reality.Let me know if I can point you in the direction of help.

Wow..lovalee this is exactly what is going on. He has joined SA and said it has saved him from the addiciton but yes I fear the relapse and I feel like I need to always search for more ways to catch him. There are times when I want to just let it go and start a new life. I cannot compete with the perfection of those photos no matter how good I look or how hard I work out. I have a beautiful body most men would be so happy to have a woman like me. He says its one day at a time...yes I ellablue I think your right. I so appreciate the help you all give me here. No answer is right or wrong and everyone does have different tolerances but some of us have more experience in different level. Thank goodness we have one another.

wow. I can't even begin to imagine how hard this has to be.. for all who have gone through this or are going through it. Trust is a complicated thing. My b/f is addicted to pain pills, and I am pretty sure he's addicted to something even harder now. And I can't trust him... he asked to borrow some $ to fix his car, but I found evidence that he was up to something else tonight... so yeah, I can't trust him when it comes to things relating to that. But the reason I am still with him is that I trust him more than I could ever trust anyone else... when it comes to faithfulness. OK...if they are obsessed with porn, and jerking off to porn, it's not really unfaithfulness... well that's what some people claim. But I believe it is. Especially when it replaces the sexual life the two of you are suppose to share. Well, my b/f's addiction kills his sex drive, so I'm lucky if I get some once every 2 months. Is that unfaithfulness? Is he cheating on me with the drugs? They bring him the euphoric feeling, not making love to me.
But it's just a lot easier (IMO) to compete with a little blue pill rather than millions of naked women.
I'm not sure if I'm making any sense. And I'm probably not making you feel any better. I just want to say that this post opened up my eyes to... more...
And I can handle what I am going through (even though I'm about to loose it), but I wouldn't be able to deal with what you are going through.
Trust is an odd thing. If you can break it apart into different aspects, you may be able to trust him again....in certain ways, but only by knowing you can't trust him in other ways.
Keep strong.

Thanks Stopautocide. I totally see what your saying and its exactly how I feel. Its very hard on the self esteem to compete with millions of naked women. I believe in my heart it is cheating. But I also believe that the little blue pill is cheating you from a happy life as well. I thank you for your posting as each of you brings a different light onto what i am going through.

And I guess for me I feel different about it everyday. What you should morally feel at one point is different on different days. But when we start to bend our morals to be with men like my husband we either bend them or we just cant. Where Im stuck is I just can't seem to ever except this behavior. Lots of men look...? so they say. But why should we as women have to tolerate that they look?