
Families & Friends Of Addicts Support Group
Addiction affects more than just the individual. This community is dedicated to the families and friends of individuals suffering from any form of addiction. Mental health professionals are increasingly considering alcoholism and addiction as diseases that flourish in and are enabled by family systems. Family members react to the addicted person with particular behavioral...
Trust? Can I ever trust again?

deleted_user
I have been married for ten years and my husband is a porn addict. He has finally after being caught the 6th time joined SA. In the past he never admitted the problem. The fifth time he went to see a therapist and did good for almost 2 years and I walked in on him 2 months ago looking at porn on the computer. I made him leave. He knows how I feel and we have 2 teenage daughters. He moved out and since then his mother passed and he joined the SA group and said this group has given him more help than anyone else ever has. Problem is I don't believe a darn thing he is saying to me? The lies all seemed so real that they haunt me. I can't get the images of the naked women out of my mind. I want to tear the computer apart and check all the time. I don't feel comfortable to leave the house and leave him there alone. I almost feel like Im going crazy. Depressed and lost my self confidence so badly that I am out trying to get men to notice me. I'm very attractive and in great shape so I never understood why he did this to begin with. Some girlfriends say looking at porn is natural for men? I think it can become so obsessive it ruins lives.
But how can I let go and trust? When and how long can that take to trust again? After this many times is there any hope in reality? I think Im close to just accepting the problem and looking the other way but my heart just aches over the deception and lies. Anyone feel this way?
But how can I let go and trust? When and how long can that take to trust again? After this many times is there any hope in reality? I think Im close to just accepting the problem and looking the other way but my heart just aches over the deception and lies. Anyone feel this way?
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There ARE things you can do to prevent him from downloading pornography. You can use administration tools on your PC to block pornographic sites, you can use a special program which some school systems use that will not load pages containing certain words related to pornography, and things like that.
Everyone has sexual urges and desires. It's perfectly natural for both men and women. You may want to look into your sexual relationship a bit. It isn't uncommon for men and women to lose interest in having sex with their partner when they could possibly have something 'more interesting' and satisfying on the side. Ask him about it.
Every healthy adult has boundaries. Everyone's boundaries are different. Yours clearly do not include porn. Mine don't either. Some woman deal with it by watching porn flicks with their husband - others allow them to go to bars, buy porn and watch porn. Everyone's level of tolerance is different. The biggest problem I see here is the deception. He knows how you feel - and has deceived you. He knows if you are aware of what he likes, you won't like him. It is neither good nor bad. It just is. It is always better to work on changing ourselves, our situation and our life, than trying to change someone else.
If being in a relationship with who he really is - is uncomfortable for you - that means you aren't being true to yourself, maybe its not the relationship for you.
Stay strong and God Bless you. You will do the right thing for you.
Relapse happens with addiction, no matter what the DOC (drug of choice) is, often times. Honestly, I really have to look at things in that ONE day at a time way. It helps me not to project, and it helps me from my mind running away with me as to what "could" happen. That way, I feel better prepared to deal.
Blessings..
EllaBlue
But it's just a lot easier (IMO) to compete with a little blue pill rather than millions of naked women.
I'm not sure if I'm making any sense. And I'm probably not making you feel any better. I just want to say that this post opened up my eyes to... more...
And I can handle what I am going through (even though I'm about to loose it), but I wouldn't be able to deal with what you are going through.
Trust is an odd thing. If you can break it apart into different aspects, you may be able to trust him again....in certain ways, but only by knowing you can't trust him in other ways.
Keep strong.
And I guess for me I feel different about it everyday. What you should morally feel at one point is different on different days. But when we start to bend our morals to be with men like my husband we either bend them or we just cant. Where Im stuck is I just can't seem to ever except this behavior. Lots of men look...? so they say. But why should we as women have to tolerate that they look?