God, after all this crap and all this time this is so hard to admit. I am completely and utterly powerless over her thoughts, behaviors and decisions. I have compromised myself in every area of my life trying to somehow change her mind save our family and our relationship. I am insane because I do things that have no impact on anything and in the end only make things worse. Impede her abilty to go out and like water in a hand she cannot be contained. She has all the money and all the toys, all the spoils of this war. I am near destitute and my life is a mere shadow of what it once was. I believe my demoralization is near complete. The home, the job, the family, the life I loved all gone. Alcoholism wins. I played my part no doubt and will not shy from my contribution to this situation. Each interaction her with leaves me with a little less of me. I am humiliated not humbled. I long for a past that is not to return. She like a drug treats me with no respect to my feelings or humanity and even acts with malice. The comfort and love that was once there is gone, I am paralyzed by fear and the beautiful dream stinks as it rots on the side of the road. Where do I go from here?
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