Families & Friends Of Addicts Support Group
Addiction affects more than just the individual. This community is dedicated to the families and friends of individuals suffering from any form of addiction. Mental health professionals are increasingly considering alcoholism and addiction as diseases that flourish in and are enabled by family systems. Family members react to the addicted person with particular behavioral...
Hi all, this is my first time posting (I posted it in the Codependent cummunity as well), so here goes. My partner of 8 1/2 years recently entered rehab in AZ (I live in Canada). He originally went down for a 30 day program for crack cocaine and alcohol abuse. Everything seemed to be great, he was feeling emotionally and physically well again, and I went down for a 4 day family program which I got a lot from. It was enlightening, educational and helpful. It was there that I realized I too had a disease - Codependency. Anyway, after the 30 days, it was recommended that he continue a 90 day extended care program. I understand that he needs to do this to be the best he can be and fight his addictions in a safe atmosphere, but since his new program I feel shut out from the facility as well as by my partner. He says he hates it, but is doing the work he has to do so he can just come home. I guess he has the choice to leave as everyone does, but his work insisted that he stay with the program so that is why he is.
So, it's now been 50 days since I've seen him (we do generally talk daily, but for 5-10 min.) and I have another 40+ days to go before he comes home. He says that he doesn't want me to come down and visit, they are allowed weekly sunday visits. He says seeing me would be to hard for him to focus on the program and it would just make him want to come home to me. Somedays, I understand where he's coming from, but others I just can't seemed to understand WHY he wouldn't just want to see me.
I feel what about ME, where do my wants fit in here. Is it ALWAYS about the addict? Where do the significant others fit in? Especially when it is us who has been affected the MOST by their addictions. Why is it the support and empathy surrounds them, but not us. It is really frustrating sometimes. I have been left here to deal with everything. I acknowledge, praise and support his efforts daily, but he has not once done the same for me. Is this what I have to look forward to? I lost the love of my life to his addictions, now have I lost him to his recovery? I feel selfish having these feelings, but being newly aware of my codependency I have finally started to think about myself - probably for the first time EVER!
Has anyone else been in this position or have any advice, suggestions? I see a counselor weekly, who seems to shed some light on the thoughts of an addict, but I would like some personal feedback. I would really appreciate any advice at all - thanks in advance.
So, it's now been 50 days since I've seen him (we do generally talk daily, but for 5-10 min.) and I have another 40+ days to go before he comes home. He says that he doesn't want me to come down and visit, they are allowed weekly sunday visits. He says seeing me would be to hard for him to focus on the program and it would just make him want to come home to me. Somedays, I understand where he's coming from, but others I just can't seemed to understand WHY he wouldn't just want to see me.
I feel what about ME, where do my wants fit in here. Is it ALWAYS about the addict? Where do the significant others fit in? Especially when it is us who has been affected the MOST by their addictions. Why is it the support and empathy surrounds them, but not us. It is really frustrating sometimes. I have been left here to deal with everything. I acknowledge, praise and support his efforts daily, but he has not once done the same for me. Is this what I have to look forward to? I lost the love of my life to his addictions, now have I lost him to his recovery? I feel selfish having these feelings, but being newly aware of my codependency I have finally started to think about myself - probably for the first time EVER!
Has anyone else been in this position or have any advice, suggestions? I see a counselor weekly, who seems to shed some light on the thoughts of an addict, but I would like some personal feedback. I would really appreciate any advice at all - thanks in advance.
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theatre and I are there already. I'm having a very berry tea with crackers, cheese and cherry tomatoes and she's having a joint with some beer and we're both on really comfy recliners on thick pile carpet. we need some help with the decor if anyone is around??
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I'm trying to exercise daily. I was doing fairly well until I sprained my ankle 2 weeks ago but now I'm getting back on the horse. Today I walked over a mile with my arm weights that are about 22lbs total. I was out of shape and it was hard on my arms. I also did my 30 situps. I'm also going to drink a lot of water and try to eat healthy. I do tend to have a sweet tooth but I'm cutting...
I have a really hard time trying to relate to AA as I have never had a drug or alcohol problem. Still I remain supportive.
What about me? I ask that question each and everyday. If a fellow AA member were to call him, he would be there immediately. Or if a friend calls for advice he listens and offers his help.
If I need to talk with him or am having a bad day, he tells me to quit having a pity party for myself and go and help someone else.
He recently told me that he spoke to a fellow AA member and they have diagnosed me with co-dependancy, I really dont think this is the case, if anything I am enabler in that I allow him to have the power to make me feel guilty and miserable, to the point where I look at myself and question who I am.
Big hugs to you, and you are not alone
Since he's been back he's doing great. He is very upbeat.... he's far more positive than when he left and he's working on making a major life change.
I often feel like, where's my support? Where's my pat on the back? The truth is, they aren't likely to do that. We need to find our own support, from al-anon, friends, family, etc who realize how hard it was for us to go through the addiction. The hardest thing I ever did was getting him to the rehab he wanted to go to and getting him out the door to detox.
I hope things are going well now that he's done...
Since he's been back he's doing great. He is very upbeat.... he's far more positive than when he left and he's working on making a major life change.
I often feel like, where's my support? Where's my pat on the back? The truth is, they aren't likely to do that. We need to find our own support, from al-anon, friends, family, etc who realize how hard it was for us to go through the addiction. The hardest thing I ever did was getting him to the rehab he wanted to go to and getting him out the door to detox.
I hope things are going well now that he's done...