Families & Friends Of Addicts Support Group
Addiction affects more than just the individual. This community is dedicated to the families and friends of individuals suffering from any form of addiction. Mental health professionals are increasingly considering alcoholism and addiction as diseases that flourish in and are enabled by family systems. Family members react to the addicted person with particular behavioral...
My husband was finally ready to get help with his addictions...as much as I would like to believe it's because he was READY I'm not sure how much of it was his job insisting he do inpatient therapy (long story but the intensive outpatient he'd agreed to to get out of psych ward was a ploy to get out of the psych ward...LOL sometimes my stupidity surprises even ME) I'm afraid that fear of losing his job may be the actual reason this time.
So he handed over the drugs so that I could dole out the bare minimum (while vicodin withdrawal would make him ill, I was told that sudden ativan withdrawal would be dangerous and could even prove to be fatal) while arranging for treatment. You know, we have excellent health insurance, his employers encouraged him to take the time, approved a leave of absence, and are even waiving the five day waiting period for short term disability to kick in, they had all needed files to me within MINUTES so I could have the medical professionals fill them out, etc....so WHY WAS I NOT ABLE TO FIND SOMEWHERE FOR HIM TO GO???????
We spent most of Monday afternoon and all DAY today (Tuesday) from morning until 3:30 PM trying to get a straight answer. I called the State Dept of Mental Health/Substance abuse.....am told I need to call his insurance company first and get a list of places they approve...do NOT take him to ER. Fine....call insurance (now THAT was an exercise in frustration) finally get a human and a list of facilities. Start calling the listed hospital's mental health/sub abuse depts as directed.....LEAVE A MESSAGE, if it's an EMERGENCY go to the EMERGENCY ROOM. Sorry, I don't mean to shout but I am so beyond frustrated it's not funny. So I took him to the emergency room (which I could have done yesterday!) and we sat...and we sat and we sat....were told the same information regarding ativan w/d being dangerous/fatal...yadda yadda yadda....then they tell me they are not set up for detox and there are no detox/treatment beds available...I should take him HOME! Right after you tell me he may DIE? I don't think so......so ER Dr agrees to keep him for observation overnight...in the hospital corridor on a gurney in a johnny no less...and I had to leave him there.
Part of me said it serves him right....a huge part of me is extremely upset that I walked away leaving him like that in a corridor, not even a room or a ward.
That's all....just really needed to vent about it to people who have and are walking in my shoes. :o(
So he handed over the drugs so that I could dole out the bare minimum (while vicodin withdrawal would make him ill, I was told that sudden ativan withdrawal would be dangerous and could even prove to be fatal) while arranging for treatment. You know, we have excellent health insurance, his employers encouraged him to take the time, approved a leave of absence, and are even waiving the five day waiting period for short term disability to kick in, they had all needed files to me within MINUTES so I could have the medical professionals fill them out, etc....so WHY WAS I NOT ABLE TO FIND SOMEWHERE FOR HIM TO GO???????
We spent most of Monday afternoon and all DAY today (Tuesday) from morning until 3:30 PM trying to get a straight answer. I called the State Dept of Mental Health/Substance abuse.....am told I need to call his insurance company first and get a list of places they approve...do NOT take him to ER. Fine....call insurance (now THAT was an exercise in frustration) finally get a human and a list of facilities. Start calling the listed hospital's mental health/sub abuse depts as directed.....LEAVE A MESSAGE, if it's an EMERGENCY go to the EMERGENCY ROOM. Sorry, I don't mean to shout but I am so beyond frustrated it's not funny. So I took him to the emergency room (which I could have done yesterday!) and we sat...and we sat and we sat....were told the same information regarding ativan w/d being dangerous/fatal...yadda yadda yadda....then they tell me they are not set up for detox and there are no detox/treatment beds available...I should take him HOME! Right after you tell me he may DIE? I don't think so......so ER Dr agrees to keep him for observation overnight...in the hospital corridor on a gurney in a johnny no less...and I had to leave him there.
Part of me said it serves him right....a huge part of me is extremely upset that I walked away leaving him like that in a corridor, not even a room or a ward.
That's all....just really needed to vent about it to people who have and are walking in my shoes. :o(
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theatre and I are there already. I'm having a very berry tea with crackers, cheese and cherry tomatoes and she's having a joint with some beer and we're both on really comfy recliners on thick pile carpet. we need some help with the decor if anyone is around??
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I'm trying to exercise daily. I was doing fairly well until I sprained my ankle 2 weeks ago but now I'm getting back on the horse. Today I walked over a mile with my arm weights that are about 22lbs total. I was out of shape and it was hard on my arms. I also did my 30 situps. I'm also going to drink a lot of water and try to eat healthy. I do tend to have a sweet tooth but I'm cutting...
Maybe being alone will help them realize that you can not always be there. Maybe this could be the final straw.
I wish you the best of luck and will say a prayer for you and for him. Sometimes they will find light in their pain. Take care of you
So, yes, I totally understand.
I however was willing to drop him at an ER but considering his age and his pure use of beer it wasn't beleived that he was as serious 'death' risk from detox so we couldn't go that route at all...
I'd like to offer this thought -- instead of thinking 'you left him there' believe that he 'chose to stay there'.
He spent the night in the ER and I was just informed they are admitting him to the behavioral health wing to go through detox. The hospital has picked up the ball and is working on securing a bed in rehab once he's stable so that's one less thing I'm feeling responsible for.
Which solves the immediate medical crisis but long term is still uncertain. He's done detox and rehab so many times before, I need to distance myself and take a good hard look at things without blinders. This has been my life with him since I was 17, I'll be 49 soon...this is not how I want to spend the rest of my life.
Anyway, thank you so very much for your support and your kind words. It means more than I could possibly put into words :o)
I love that you are taking care of you and asking yourself those tough questions regarding how you want to live. Once we begin our work, we find that we restore our peace and serenity and we begin that much needed and delayed journey of "our lives"
Prayers going out for you and your loved one...
EllaBlue
But 32 years?
If I have any defense whatsoever....only the last 3 were constant abuse....the other 29 was hit or miss...some years nothing, some years one or two incidents....either way it doesn't speak much for my (lack of) self esteem does it LOL
I know you have been with this man a long time too and you mut be a good person or you would not have stayed with him this long. Ask for God to help you and to give you the knowledge and strength to give you a better life and He will give you peace beyond understanding.
God Bless & Keep You,
shirley