You would be investing your time and energy in you, not in his addiction.

Yes it's totally unfair that has addiction has cost you so much. But maybe those around you are noticing how hard it is for you to struggle on. No one understands what you are going through like people who are living the same nightmare. The people who go to Al-Anon are generally a great store of information and insight on how to survive and cope.

Also, you don't have to "join" or commit to anything. People usually say try a few different meetings in your area before deciding whether there's anything of value for you there. One meeting is not enough to know, because they might be having an off night or something. Each group has its own style.

You don't even have to say anything, you can just sit and listen, people will understand. You don't have to give away any of the strength you need for yourself. It's highly likely that you would receive strength from there, but only you can decide if you want to give it a try.

Hope that helps.

You don't have to join Alanon, but you can go to a meeting or two and see if it works for you. You will learn to put enphasis on yourself and not your son. There are also other avenues, there are online NA meeting which you might prefer.
I know you are upset, angry, tired of your son's drug use. So now is a time to learn to detach from his addiction. You can still love him, but learn healthier boundaries for yourself so you don't make yourself so sick. The benefit of face to face meeting is it gives you someone to talk to, not a impersonal as a forum.
http://www.naranon.com/forum/

Mama...if you go to al anon...it is about you, not him. I'm struggling with this issue myself. I am no longer with my ex alcoholic and it damn well pisses me off thinking about going to al anon when not with the drinker any longer. And I worry that the reason I want to go is to learn to deal with his drinking if we ever reconciled.

Well, I have given up on that. Last al anon meeting I went to was actually a good reminder about why marriage failed. Again, its about you. Even if you only go 1 x month, it may help. If you don't like the first meeting, try another. I am going back this week as I am finally starting to accept the affects of codependency has had on me....and al anon is about ME!

My fiance family wants to join that also! But i am not cause he is clean now since he has been in prison! He did herion and that made me scard for his life, his hand,arms were swallen and it made me scard! We have a daughter and it was just so hard, he is clean now thank god., i just hope that he don't go back on it when he gets out

I am coming up on my first year and have learned that when my boyfriend and I were together the first time 13 years ago, I DID play a part in his alcoholism because I wasn't taking care of myself! Mama and Mike, we do not make the loved ones in our lives turn to the drugs and/or alcohol, but unless we understand our part in it, we cannot help them maintain their sobriety. A lot of the times our part is making excuses for them, bailing them out or turning the other cheek and letting them walk all over us. My boyfriend did that to me the first time we were together and I wish I'd known about al-anon back then because we wouldn't have lost 10 years together if I had.

Al-anon is all about us, learning to take care of ourselves and setting a recovery example for them. My boyfriend tells me that my voluntary action of going to meetings shows him that his sobriety was the right move and as long as we are both working our programs, then our relationship is at its strongest.

Mama, i had a lot of resentment built up against my father for his drinking when I was a kid, and now. One of the things I have been able to learn in al-anon is to be able to love my father as the man he is/was without the alcohol, instead of focusing on him with it. It has allowed me to get rid of those resentments. It is the same with my boyfriend. It has allowed me to look at him when he is having an issue and say, this is yours, not mine. It takes the pressure of responsibility for HIS problems off my shoulders. We do need to learn about how we affect people, but in the end, we need to take care of ourselves.

Good luck mama! Love your son, but most importantly, love yourself again so you can truly love your son the way you did when he was born. I hope what I have shared helps.

I have a very simular situation and have simular feelings about al-anon. I agree that you could be investing in yourself, but my understanding is that most of those groups are for either the addict themselves or for family members of alcoholics. I would love to see a group formed that would support people who have children, husbands, wives etc. with a herion, cocaine, crack, etc. addiction. If it's going to cause you more resentment, I suggest you don't go. I honestly don't know how helpful it would be anyway.

Butterfly and Mama-
i had a lot of skepticism before I joined Al-Anon, I guess the difference here was I went of my own reasoning and you both have had it suggested to you. I have been to several home groups and while yes, alcohol is a predominant addiction discussed, you will find that there are many people there that have addicts of drugs. Usually the drugs, because they are so insanely more harmful (THIS IS JUST MY OPINION, ALCOHOL IS JUST AS HARMFUL) when used the first time, than alcohol that it seems like you need something more powerful, or that no one talks about the drug additions. One man in my Saturday group generally talks about the alcohol that is most predominant in his son's life, but sometimes he will discuss the drugs also. Cocaine was a big one at one point, and then it was just pot. But the bottom line is that Al-Anon is a support group for family and friends of addicts, not JUST alcoholics.

One thing that helped me a little is to go to an AA meeting. I went to the birthday meeting of my boyfriend at his invitation and one of the speakers had 30+ years sobriety and he said some very powerful things that helped me understand some things about my boyfriend that I was still getting frustrated about....I don't get frustrated anymore.

Maybe you guys could go to a Narcotics Anonymous meeting and perhaps they could help you find a support group for family and friends of NA. It also might help you understand the addiction. Although I know I will never understand my alcoholics addiction, at the very least I can understand my part in his life of his sobriety.

Anyway, it sounds like you both have more resentment about the fact that it was suggested YOU need help also. Well, you are here, and that is a big first step, because coming here and venting is giving you the outlet that you desparately need. The question is, do you want serenity in your lives where the addict is concerned? Do you want to be able to love them for the person they are instead of resenting them the drug addict they've become? Al-Anon can really help. you mentioned that your relationships, finances and health are impacted by the addict mama....I can't imagine, but I do know that quite a few of the ladies in my Monday group have this similar situation and Al-Anon helps them to set the boundaries and have peace and serenity within so they can not LET the addict affect these things. And right now your friends and family see your stress and are only trying to give you suggestions of something that could work for you and help you NOT be stressed.

It isn't for everyone, but wouldn't you like to see if it does work? If it were me, and it is not, and I'm sorry if this upsets you, it certainly is not my intent, but wouldn't you want to try anything and everything to be able to let go of the impact your son is having on your relationships, finances and health? The point here, you are LETTING him. You don't have to stop being a mom when you stop allowing him to affect you like that, in fact by not allowing him to affect you like that, and having him take responsibility for his addiction while you support him 100%, you are being a great mom! How will he learn and get better if you keep bailing him out. You are only hurting yourself. Get back to loving you, so you can love your son again, whether it's Al-Anon, or another support group. bottom line, you need support! We're here for you if this is the only step you are mentally able to take right now, but there are more options. Don't close yourself off to the possibility if in the end it helps both you AND your son!

My blessings and prayers are with you!!!