Families & Friends Of Addicts Support Group
Addiction affects more than just the individual. This community is dedicated to the families and friends of individuals suffering from any form of addiction. Mental health professionals are increasingly considering alcoholism and addiction as diseases that flourish in and are enabled by family systems. Family members react to the addicted person with particular behavioral...
My husband of 13 years had 2 major back surgeries in April of this year and has been taking percocet and vicodin regularly for over a year now for pain, his back was broken. The surgery went well and he is in much better shape now, but the doctors have not really monitored him, and now he has a full addiction to vicodin.
I have watched it happen, not knowing what to do or how to help. I mentioned it a few times to him, but he would clam up and say that he was dealing with slowly going off of it with his doctors. Truthfully in my head I knew that I could not help until he admitted the problem and asked for help.
Thankfully he has done that. Friday morning about 4 in the morning, he woke me up and kind of spilled his guts. Thank God, but wholly cow, how do I handle all this? He told me that his addiction is bad, but he wants out of it, and he asked me for help. Help including doling out the pills to help him cut down. I thought he was only taking 2 or 3 at night to sleep(he had 3 level spine fusion surgery). But then I got the full story, that he is taking 4 pills every 4 hours plus up to 6 at night. Well over 10 times what is currently prescribed. UGH! What? he wants to quit and is being cut off by the doctors, but I am just so angry that the doctors, that supposedly care about your wellbeing, let it get this far. Also, I am just so scared! The WHAT IF'S are just circling in my head like a merry go round. I know he is embarassed about this, but I am afraid to be the guard of the pills. He says he will get help this week by going to a methedone clinic. I JUST AM SCARED... we have had alot of stress this year and I am kind of at the end of my own rope, but I love him and would do anything for him. He has never hurt me, nor do I feel threatened. I am mainly scared that he will not continue to tell me the whole truth, and that he could get the drug illegally and all that scares me too. My Mom is a transcriptionist for a addiction faciility and never tells the stories but has definatley warned us of the terrible things that people go through trying to get off this stuff. Is there anybody out there like me. I just want to know I am not alone, I have no one to talk to about this, my best friend is the person I have to help, my siblings would not understand and be very judgemental, and my Mom would only be worse telling me that she told me so, and that just will make all this worse.
Has anyone done or known someone that has done the methedone outpatient clinic to get off vicodin or something like it? How long does it take? Did it work?
TG
I have watched it happen, not knowing what to do or how to help. I mentioned it a few times to him, but he would clam up and say that he was dealing with slowly going off of it with his doctors. Truthfully in my head I knew that I could not help until he admitted the problem and asked for help.
Thankfully he has done that. Friday morning about 4 in the morning, he woke me up and kind of spilled his guts. Thank God, but wholly cow, how do I handle all this? He told me that his addiction is bad, but he wants out of it, and he asked me for help. Help including doling out the pills to help him cut down. I thought he was only taking 2 or 3 at night to sleep(he had 3 level spine fusion surgery). But then I got the full story, that he is taking 4 pills every 4 hours plus up to 6 at night. Well over 10 times what is currently prescribed. UGH! What? he wants to quit and is being cut off by the doctors, but I am just so angry that the doctors, that supposedly care about your wellbeing, let it get this far. Also, I am just so scared! The WHAT IF'S are just circling in my head like a merry go round. I know he is embarassed about this, but I am afraid to be the guard of the pills. He says he will get help this week by going to a methedone clinic. I JUST AM SCARED... we have had alot of stress this year and I am kind of at the end of my own rope, but I love him and would do anything for him. He has never hurt me, nor do I feel threatened. I am mainly scared that he will not continue to tell me the whole truth, and that he could get the drug illegally and all that scares me too. My Mom is a transcriptionist for a addiction faciility and never tells the stories but has definatley warned us of the terrible things that people go through trying to get off this stuff. Is there anybody out there like me. I just want to know I am not alone, I have no one to talk to about this, my best friend is the person I have to help, my siblings would not understand and be very judgemental, and my Mom would only be worse telling me that she told me so, and that just will make all this worse.
Has anyone done or known someone that has done the methedone outpatient clinic to get off vicodin or something like it? How long does it take? Did it work?
TG
-
I have been here before, a long long time ago and now I am back.Forgive me for not just saying what I want to say,even under a triple dose of antidepressants it is still raw and seeping and I am hesitant at revealing it as at least under the bandages around my heart I don,t have to look at how raw and wounded.My child was cleaved from my heart by his own actions. my child of ten,turning eleven...
-
theatre and I are there already. I'm having a very berry tea with crackers, cheese and cherry tomatoes and she's having a joint with some beer and we're both on really comfy recliners on thick pile carpet. we need some help with the decor if anyone is around??
We can love and support them while in recovery but we cannot "DO" it for them. This is only something they can do for themselves. Meanwhile we need our recovery AS addiction is a family disease. Al-anon or nar-anon is a great support group for the loved ones of addicts.
I personally don't think being in charge of his medications is your job, or good for you. We cannot "police" their recovery. Now, I say that without judging, I just don't think that is good for us or them. Only they can be responsible for how they work a recovery program. We have enough to deal with.
Getting angry at the doctors, although understandable, we also have to remember that the addict gives a pretty convincing story. Certainly some doctors are not responsible enough, but many are being lied to, and therfore it is the doctor that is being taken for the ride. They go on the information and they try to treat the pain. I am a chronic pain patient and my doctor is very careful about what he gives me, but he counts on ME for the truth. Just be careful not to place "blame" for your husband's lies.
Get and read the book Codependent No More. That is a real eye opener. We need not do for the addict what he or she "could" or "should" be doing for themselves.
You cannot counsel your husband because you are not qualified. None of us are.
I am so sorry for you pain. I understand it so well. You have my prayers and support.
EllaBlue
He is very tired and very edgy, but all in all, he seems to be doing OK! Please say a prayer for us that he stays in this right frame of mind and continues to stay away from lying, and can let his feelings out.
Our 13th anniversary was 2 weeks ago, and this is the weekend that we always go away for the weekend every year to remember what its like to be a couple. LOL we both work for the same company, he 1st shift and me 2nd shift. So time together, especially with out the kids, is HARD to come by. Hopefully he can really open up to me and feel relaxed for a few days.
joemm - thank you for sharing your story, no matter how hard it is. My husband that is the addict right now went through this 2 years ago with his own brother. John was a heroine addict and then found it easier to get the vicodin. He was trying to get clean, and was doing the methedone, but I guess could not handle it and he ended his own life in Jan. of 06. I am so sorry for your loss.
With that in out recent past it is hard for me to be in this position. But I believe that we can and will get through this. It will not be easy, but, whatever does not kill us makes us stronger. Its hard to think that way sometimes, but when you look back over a particularily hard time its true.
Thank you all for taking us into your community and letting me know that there is hope and there are others who care!
God Bless all of you,
TG
And that is regarding you keeping his pills for him. I"ve been sober for 20 months now and I can tell you that I have ABSOLUTELY NO DESIRE to use. Now, it I had a bottle of percs or vicodins around... I still wouldn't want to use. But the thing that is horrible about this disease is that we drink and drug against our will. If I had to have a surgery right now, I would have my sponsor or a friend that doesn't have a 'pill' problem hold the pain killers for me and only give them to me when I need them. I wouldn't trust myself with them. As a matter of fact, I would be scared to have them in my possesion. So if your husband is asking you for help that way, it may not be a bad idea to help. I doubt that he would be able to control his pill use by himself. At the same time, if you do this, be aware that this won't be enough for him to quit AND STAY QUIT. The program of recovery is a daily program. Try suggesting AA. If he goes, we will get a lot of help there.
Also, for you, there is also another good book out ther: 12 steps for codependents. God bless you. You are in my prayers.
All I can say is look into alternative pain relief... things that don't involve drugs. Or maybe even homeopathic medicine. For his pain at least. And for his addiction, maybe look into suboxone. I don't know if I spelled that right, but I've researched that too, and it seems more promising than methadone.
But you should be mad at the doctors. They don't fully educate people on symptoms of an on coming addiction, and how real the possibility of it is when using pain pills. I believe that any drug when used properly can be beneficial, however there is not enough education and emphasis on how to use drugs properly. Most Dr's seem to want to write out the script then be done with it. Well, maybe not most Dr's, but too many of them at least. And in my opinion even one is too many.
My husband is doing well. He has been free of vicodin gfor 14 days now. It will be one day at a time for a long time I know, but I am so glad that we have made it this far. He actually woke me up this morning and thanked me for helping him through this and for not givig up. He also said that he is glad that I went the extra mile and called his doctor, and also put an end to anybody who could get it for him. He said this morning that he felt good(thats a big step up) and that he slept all night. He has only been able to get 3 to 4 hours a night of sleep, so getting 7 or 8 hours is huge right now. Now tonight he is having a HUGE anxiety attack and says that all of his responsibilites (kids, bills, family, work, etc.) are crashing down on him. And in my head I am thinking *welcome back to the real world*.
He is off all drugs, but his Gp did perscribe ambien to help with the sleeping. Its not really working, he actually slept last night all night with out it.
We did go away for our anniversary 2 weekends ago. I am so glad we went. I prayed hard that he would open up fully to me and really let me IN and tell me everything. And he did! He told me all of the details about how things got so bad, that one clinic was actually prescribing the vicodin from 2 different docs and not cross referencing. He also worked with me about learning some new ways to relax and keep away the anxiety, like yoga, meditation, foods that help with clearing out your body, massage, and good old fashion walking.
Thank you all for your replies and hugs and prayers. He is doing well, and I still feel that he is on the right track and as long as I am very vigilant and keep everything in our best interest that things will continue to go well. I am so glad he did not go the route of methedone. If you can stay away from that, please do.
Good Luck to you all and God Bless,
TG