My exhusband drinks alot...we try to get back together and he promises to stop. He is so sneaky that I want to follow him just to see the truth for myself. The not knowing of his lies kills my soul. We arent together anymore. He begged to come back home and I said some really mean things like I wanted him to die and Please die. I told them that he didnt deserve to live. I know thats bad. I know that i shouldnt have said such terrible things. But he has broken his promises to me and caused so much heartache that I cant help it. I love him. I really do. I miss the heck out of him but for the life of me I cant figure out why I am so depressed. Now I think he has found another woman and wont answer my texts at night. When he finally does, he says that he doesnt want anymore to do with me. I feel so depressed because I cant be with him. Why cant he be sober all the time so we can be together. I thought I was over it but Im not. I know he is bad for me. I recentely bailed him out of jail because dui...He swore that day that he would never drink again. But he did. Thats when I went off. I made him go to a football game without me to see if he really meant that he had quit. He didnt want to go without me but i had to see if he could do it. He went and he didnt come home. I just wanted to know if I was going to have to deal with this months down the road when I finally let him go places without me. Like during the day. I cant be with him all the time to keep him in line. ....Well now he wont talk to me and Im alone. I broke down and wanted to kill myself last night. Incidentally, the 1-800 suiside hotline on here sucks. The dont do anything but just sit there. I wanted some advice but I got nothing! I went to church today to pray. It helps some. He is at a ballgame today probably with his new woman that likes to have a good time and have him spend all his money on her. Thats what he does. If she is a partier. She will stay with him. He wont need me anymore. I know he loves me. I know it. He will regret this choice. But I am absolutely heart broken!
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