I beleive it is going to take time in order for you to forgive him. My daughter has been clean since August too. In my opinion the recovery is still early and my daughter is going to have to earn my trust again. So, I would like to see a little longer time of being clean and sober. Some members in my naranon group with "success" stories have said they will never forget the pain the addict has caused but through time they have begun to forgive. You have to start taking care of yourself. Remember, your did NOT cause him to be an addict that was his choice. Good Luck

Could it be you are angry with yourself for allowing him to do what he has to you. Forgiving starts with forgiving yourself. - Even if it's forgiving yourself for loving him.
Step four - making amends is not always about other people... sometimes it is about the addict themselves and they can make amends to others until they make amends to themselves.
For every negative there is a positive - sometimes it's hard to see, but there is one. For instance in my case, the positive things that have come out our Son's addictiion are numerous. We have found spirituality in a new church - he introduced us to. I have discovered Yoga - when he didn't have access to a car, and it was too cold or rainy for him to ride his bike or walk, I took him and one day decided to join in - it is the best thing I have ever done. Because he could not take care of his dog, Sergio - We took ownership of him and he brings so much joy into our life. Seeing the stress he subjected himself to at work - made me look in the mirror - I quit my job. There are countless blessings I have to be grateful for - I'm sure you can find some too. Good Luck and God Bless.

aimee, HI:) I was in that place too. For me, I thought if I forgave someone that meant that I was condoning the behavior somehow. That is not what forgiveness is all about. We forgive, so that we can release that pain in our hearts and so that WE can heal. We only hurt ourselves when we hold onto those negative feelings. AND if we hold onto those negative feelings, that does not change what has happened. And no matter how sorry the person is that hurt us, that does not change what has happened.

I look at it this way. WE ALL need forgiveness at some time or another in our lives. I am sure along the way I have hurt people and/or their feelings. I need forgiveness as well as the next person. But we cannot give away something we don't have, so we have to forgive ourselves first. Maybe your ex is working on forgiving himself first, and then when his amends come, they will be with great sincerity and with a changed heart. I think it is also about patience and time.
Blessings...
EllaBlue

I note you say "X" husband. I don't know what your situation is or how much involvment you still have with him.... my therapist relayed some information to me last week which made a lot of sense. She told me that when she sees couple's in therapy, if one is still angry and the other isn't - It is the one who is no longer angry who has moved on. The one who is angry is "Stuck." She also said, that grieving over a relationship that has ended takes all the same steps -
denial, acceptance, anger, forgiveness - so you may look at the situation as being one step closer to forgiveness.

I want to thank all of you for your advice. mgs1, i do believe that i am getting closer to forgiving him because i do want to move on. you guys are great on here. thank you so much.

Hi again aimee, I also wanted to add that sometimes the reason that we are unable to forgive is that we are focusing on the "problem" and not the "person." That thought helped me a lot with forgiveness too..
Blessings..
EllaBlue