
Families & Friends Of Addicts Support Group
Addiction affects more than just the individual. This community is dedicated to the families and friends of individuals suffering from any form of addiction. Mental health professionals are increasingly considering alcoholism and addiction as diseases that flourish in and are enabled by family systems. Family members react to the addicted person with particular behavioral...

deleted_user
my x husband is a addict, he had been clean since august. he goes to aa meetings everynight, and has been working the program. he has a great support group. my problem is, i know that one of his steps in the program is to make ammends to the ones that he had hurt. and of course i am on that list. i dont know how to forgive him for all of the hurt and pain he has caused me. i go nar-anon meetings and they say to let go with love. but when i think of all the pain he has caused me i dont know how i am supposed to do that. i know that i have to forgive him in order for me to move on with my life and start loving myself. i just dont know how to get to that place where i am able to forgive. if anyone out there has any advice i would really appriciate it.
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Step four - making amends is not always about other people... sometimes it is about the addict themselves and they can make amends to others until they make amends to themselves.
For every negative there is a positive - sometimes it's hard to see, but there is one. For instance in my case, the positive things that have come out our Son's addictiion are numerous. We have found spirituality in a new church - he introduced us to. I have discovered Yoga - when he didn't have access to a car, and it was too cold or rainy for him to ride his bike or walk, I took him and one day decided to join in - it is the best thing I have ever done. Because he could not take care of his dog, Sergio - We took ownership of him and he brings so much joy into our life. Seeing the stress he subjected himself to at work - made me look in the mirror - I quit my job. There are countless blessings I have to be grateful for - I'm sure you can find some too. Good Luck and God Bless.
I look at it this way. WE ALL need forgiveness at some time or another in our lives. I am sure along the way I have hurt people and/or their feelings. I need forgiveness as well as the next person. But we cannot give away something we don't have, so we have to forgive ourselves first. Maybe your ex is working on forgiving himself first, and then when his amends come, they will be with great sincerity and with a changed heart. I think it is also about patience and time.
Blessings...
EllaBlue
denial, acceptance, anger, forgiveness - so you may look at the situation as being one step closer to forgiveness.
Blessings..
EllaBlue