I am a Mother of two and a senior in college. I have been with my fiance for ten years now and he is the sole provider for the family. I am soooo tired of the apologies, the "I know I have a problem I just need you to help me", and the "you make me do it" lines. I have suppressed my life for so long that I feel like a shell of a woman...no purpose, no significance. For the past ten years I have wasted all of my energy worrying about him, where is he at, who is he with, what has he taken or smoked today? I physically feel tired and emotionless and this makes it hard for me to bond emotionally with my children. If I were to leave now, this would make it difficult in my studies. I am a double major and I am almost done and I don't want to jeopardize that when this is all my children and I have to look forward to. I love the man, but I am no longer that person I was when we met, I don't even know who I am now besides the one that lives with the addict. I guess my question is is if I wait it out another year how do I turn the focus on myself so that I do not focus on the addiction? How do I deal with the new emotions of loneliness and failure when I do leave? Does it ever get better? What do I say to my kids when we leave, do I tell them the truth? They are 6 and 8, will they understand? Any advice .... please
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