I met this girl in June and fell in love with her right away (I'm a lesbian). She only wanted to be friends, however, which is fine. We became really close friends really fast and were spending a lot of our time together. I was aware when I met her that she had been a crack addict for many years, but I'm kind of naive about substance abuse I guess and when she had been clean for several months I thought that that meant she'd stay clean if she got her life in order and everything was going well. We both wanted to move out of our parent's homes so we decided to get a small apartment together. All was mostly well for a while. Then one night she relapsed. I feel tremendous guilt because I totally enabled her, right down to driving her to where she got the stuff. I never thought in my life I would do that, but she was scaring me so much that I just wanted it to stop. She hasn't used since (that was less than a month ago though). Her girlfriend and I had an intervention (her girlfriend is also a recovering addict of pills) and all seemed to go well. She really listened and seemed to genuinely care about us and what we had to say. She seems to really want to be clean, but I know that's never enough. Today she came home and had been at her mom's cleaning her old bedroom. She told me she found a bunch of paraphernalia in the back of her closet. She was of course triggered, but still says she is ok and will not use again. I want so badly to trust her, but how can I? I feel like I made a huge mistake moving in with her and now we are in a lease for 10 more months. I love her to death and want to be her friend and her roommate, but I'm so anxious and freaked out right now, I don't know what to do. I have no choice but to get through these next 10 months just praying she doesn't slip again. Any help??
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