I cant stop crying...So my boyfriend was supposed to be at work at 6 a.m. yesterday and needless to say its 4:30 here on a Sunday and he still isnt home. I called his work and they said that they havent heard from him and he never showed up. I'm beyond stunned, I feel beaten down. His phone is off and my car is gone (we share a car but its in my name). I've gone to angry, upset, to worried as can be. He has never done like this before. Never. He was doing better, he had been going to classes for his cocaine addiction. I called the police and they came and filled out a report for a missing person because thats all they can do right now. Im so scared. I dont know if he is okay, or what if he is dead, and I feel so helpless. There is nothing I can do. I dont know where to look. I've called everywhere and everyone that I can think of. A good friend of ours once asked him, "Who do you love more, the cocaine or your girfriend?" I just keep going back in my head on how I could have prevented this. I just think if I had done something or said something that this wouldnt of happened. And I know its crazy but I cant help it. Why am I not good enough? Thats how it feels. And all I can do is wait. I saw a post earlier on here about how its almost like we are an addict addicted to the addict. He is such a good man and I just knew he was the one, but then this is happening and I dont feel like I know him anymore. I feel so manipulated and beaten down. He said that once we were to get married and have kids, it would help his addiction because it would keep him level headed. But I told him that I, right now, should be enough and I refuse to have a child come up to me in the middle of the night and ask "Where's Daddy?" I hate that I love him so much. Its so hard. Its not like its so easy to leave. I'm in between jobs, I have no where to go. And I have two dogs that I have to take care of. This is Not Fair!!! And for all that are reading this post and if it doesnt make any sense, i'm sorry. There is no one I can count on or sympathsize with me. I'm all alone and I cant stop crying....
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