
Families & Friends Of Addicts Support Group
Addiction affects more than just the individual. This community is dedicated to the families and friends of individuals suffering from any form of addiction. Mental health professionals are increasingly considering alcoholism and addiction as diseases that flourish in and are enabled by family systems. Family members react to the addicted person with particular behavioral...
feeling pretty low and confused

deleted_user
Although I have a restraining order against my husband for punching me in the eye, I have to admit he has never physically harmed any of our children
.Which brings me to my next question? Should he be around our children and how much? He is the type of addict that uses his pills to function and cope with everyday stressors. I know it sounds crazy but he actually is a physically functioning human being when he has differnt vices.
Thats the kind of dysfunction I cant live with anymore. I have the same daily stressors he has but I dont go running around stealing from family members and pawning things to cope.Thats what made him strike out and hit me , I confronted him about a morphine script that a pain specialist had given him and he got tired of hearing it and the next thing I know I was seeing stars.
The space is good for my sanity but at the same time my life is so more inconveinced as he took the only car we had left. My support system is low because I dont have any one to help me with my children.People have offered to pick them up but did not. I have to figure out how I am going to get to work , pick them up and go back to work on the bus, impossible. My boss is already looking at me like I'm crazy. How am I suppose to stay strong without him and a good support system? I guess I should have waited and had all my ducks in a row before I opened my big mouth.
.Which brings me to my next question? Should he be around our children and how much? He is the type of addict that uses his pills to function and cope with everyday stressors. I know it sounds crazy but he actually is a physically functioning human being when he has differnt vices.
Thats the kind of dysfunction I cant live with anymore. I have the same daily stressors he has but I dont go running around stealing from family members and pawning things to cope.Thats what made him strike out and hit me , I confronted him about a morphine script that a pain specialist had given him and he got tired of hearing it and the next thing I know I was seeing stars.
The space is good for my sanity but at the same time my life is so more inconveinced as he took the only car we had left. My support system is low because I dont have any one to help me with my children.People have offered to pick them up but did not. I have to figure out how I am going to get to work , pick them up and go back to work on the bus, impossible. My boss is already looking at me like I'm crazy. How am I suppose to stay strong without him and a good support system? I guess I should have waited and had all my ducks in a row before I opened my big mouth.
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It talks about woman like us who are married to men who do drugs or drink and how we start to doubt our choice when we finally get the nerve to make them leave. You made the right choice, when abuse is involved it only gets worst.
I left my abusive husband 15 yrs ago it was the best thing I ever did. Like you it was hard and it took a year to get my life under control but I have never regretted leaving him.
Stay strong, if you can get this book the library can get it for you if they don't have it in stock. If he comes back yes you'll have a car and things will seem better for awhile but until he gets help nothing will change. In a month or two you will be asking yourself why did you let him back. Check into some support for yourself.
Regarding the domestic abuse - this always affects children's psychology and development, whether or not they were hit. If they see or hear violence, or even know about it happening, research has proven that it affects their brain development. They will have conflicted feelings of love for both parents but knowing that Daddy hurt Mommy. This is too hard for kids to understand and make sense of. They need counselling - which may be available for free in your area - you need to find out how to get it. Try calling a women's shelter - they can refer you to someone and help you get funding if you need it.
They do need a relationship with their Dad. This is for them, not him. Seek professional advice about how to set up a visitation plan that will keep them safe and help them come to terms with what he did to you. They love and need both of you - but their time with him needs to be carefully managed so they are emotionally safe.
We have a toddler and he is currently in detox and will be home in a few days. Then I will monitor his progress before I decide if he will have the privilege to be around his daughter.
I have mixed feelings about the visitation thing because "they" have been high around our children before, we can't deny that. And it's a double edge sword because if we let him see them are we rewarding them? and if we don't are we making our children suffer? I think the best thing would be a middle ground, where you set boundaries.
Now about the car, I don't drive and there is no public transportation around here to speak of so I know how you feel. I have to depend on him or his parents to get me around. Why does he have the car? Is it in his name and who pays for it? If you're paying for it, stop and rent yourself a car or buy something used with it instead. If he's pawning stuff left and right, the car might be next. You might have more rights than you think and if you contact your local legal aid society you might be able to speak to an attorney pro bono.
Now about the coping with every day stressors...his stressors are getting the drug. Get rid of the addiction and there are no more stressors! Men can be such idiots....Mine whines about the same $hit but we deal with so much more AND their addiction.
Anyway, Lynne you're right, access should be supervised or there should be no access if the parent is a danger to the kids. I should have added that caveat. It's just that sometimes you can't win that argument in court, and you end up having to tolerate the kids being with the person when you know in your heart it's not right. Hopefully in that situation they lose interest, like Katrinka's ex did. Always so sad when a parent rejects their kids or is too self-absorbed to step up to the plate. No doubt about that.
My ex messes with my kids' heads, but they are getting older all the time and one day they will see the light. Despite his behaviour, I know they would miss him too much if they didn't see him. I just try to do my best when I have them, and give them lots of love and security to counteract the negatively he gives them. They're amazingly resilient little beings.
DON'T KID YOURSELF! Your children are hurting every day that they see how much he is hurting you and the family. Unless a child has a home that is stable and where he or she feels safe, that child is being abused mentally and emotionally, even if not physically.