You've just described my husband. It's an alcoholic trait. They feel so miserable about themselves that they just have to share. I liked your description of dishing out verbal abuse like candy on Halloween. I get plenty as well.

Can you consider not spending time with your mom or at the very least limiting your time? I say this kindly as I can imagine how difficult this is for you.

There is no excuse for what our addicts do, yet this behavior is something we see a lot of. It IS healthy for us to set boundaries such as "I won't spend time with you while you are drinking/using." This boundary is to protect you.
Blessings..
EllaBlue

I no what your going through. Its the same with my mum. I was dreadign the holidays too until i realised that infact i didnt actually have to be there with her and put up with the abuse. Can you not stay somewhere over the holidays? At a family or friends? You should be ble to enjoy christmas without people ruining it for you. Think about yourself for once. This isnt just your mums holiday its YOURS aswell. Maybe you should be having counselling? Or anger management. You may not think your anger is really bad and neither did i. Im not violent or anything but turns out i need it. Could you go to your doctor and get refered by them? I really hope you have a good holiday x

I know that this is a disease but does that excuse her behavior?

See thats one of the things that pisses me off, "it's a disease, I can't control."
I say bullshit, you know it makes others miserable to be around you and you're mean and spiteful yet it's all supposed to be overlooked because it's a disease. @@

Maybe if your mom finally realizes you will not tolerate her inappropriate behavior, she might seek treatment. Regardless, you do NOT need to put up with her. Just because someone is a relative does not mean they have any rights when it comes to controlling or abusing you. This is not a good example to be set for your daughter. Set your boundaries and stick to them.
Good Luck.

so dont invite her or if poss celebrate it elsewhere im sorry but alcoholisim is not a diesease,its a choice,to class it a diesease is insulting,to those who have no choice in cancer,tumours,hiv.

mad, I am sorry that you have been so hurt by those that you love. We all have been and that is a common thread that bonds us. We all have our own thoughts on what is and what is not a disease, and I respect what you think and I am sure you respect what others think about it.

For me, the best way to think of this because I do feel it is a disease, is like the diabetic that chooses to take their insulin or do what is needed to stay well. The addict must do the same thing.They must make the right choice each day to stay well, but I of course don't feel they choose this disease. Now again, just my opinion, but either way no matter what we believe I think it is important that we all bond together to support one another.
Blessings..
EllaBlue

How about just staying at home with your husband and children and no one else?? That way you are almost guaranteed a loving peaceful Christmas. If your Mother want to know why, tell her.

I went through the same thing with my Mom, she would always ruin family gatherings. I just stopped attending. I hope everything works out for you. Just be strong and do what is right for YOU.