There is nothing wrong with you. What you are feeling is normal. I went through the same thing. What you need to do is communicate. He should know that he needs to work on regaining your trust, and that you may have doubts and insecurities of him using when he is not around. It is amazing what our imagination can come up with.

You are still with him, so you must beleive that he can regain that trust. It takes time.

What your feeling is normal, what helped me was reading the AA BIG BOOK, chapter 8 "The Wife", it really did help me once I understood what my husband is going through, and it helps to be more supportive too.

I feel the same thing with my husband he told me yesterday that he was completly done for good, but I have heard it before. The reason he told me this was because he was supposed to be home at 4 on wednesday afternoon, so I made this special supper (I fried Chicken, and I don't fry anything, lol) and he never called or anything I didn't hear from him until 4:30 A.M thursday morning. So I understand how you feel, and I bet when you bring it up to your husband that you think or FEEl that he is out doing his addiction, he prbably tells you that he isn't but if you conitnue to accuse him of it that it will make him start...maybe not but that is what my husband tells me. Just know I know how you feel and if you need anything I am here for you!

I know exactly how you feel! My husband is also an addict and has been clean for 2 weeks (or so he says). My anxiety levels are through the roof when he is not around, and my imagination runs wild, thinking every bad thing possible. I also sometimes feel like i want to catch him in a lie, crazy as it sounds, and wonder what on earth is wrong with me. You are not alone, i think it will just take some time to learn to trust again. If you need to talk i am here.

Gosh banana, it is SO normal to feel what you are feeling. We can only trust them "ONE" day at a time, and they can only trust themselves ONE day at a time.

I think what helped me a lot with my anxiety with my daughter was when I realized that all my worrying or asking would not prevent her from what she was or was not going to do. I do think it is nice if the addict in our life "invites the trust", by being honest about where they are going and by being understanding when we feel worried. But eventually, we need to let go and again, realize that we cannot control what they will do.

I say this with tons of compassion because I really remember ALL that apprehension and worry. It will get better, it just takes time.
(((hugs))
EllaBlue