My friend slammed me for abandoning my daughter. Quick background, 17yr old daughter starts drugs, steals from us, lies, sneaks out, becomes wild. She turned 18, left everything behind to move in with 24 yr old loser who lives with mommy and had no job, no plans, goals, etc. I havent given her a dime since she left in March, turned off the cell, kept the car, boxed up all the stuff and donated it to Good Will. In July she contacts me and says she wants to go to college, get her life back, misses her friends, family etc. So the plan was she would move back home, get a job (which was arranged for her), get signed up for 2 classes as long as I had computer access to grades for monitoring and we would also go to counseling. It lasted an hour. She asked her friends to help her move and then after they dropped her off she contacted the boyfriend and said we kidnapped her and forced her to leave and she goes back with him before I can even get home from work!!! I was afraid she was in an abusive relationship so I broke down and sent her a prepaid phone a week after it happened. Ive had no contact with her since then. My friend said Ive abandoned her. That the last thing I need to do is not have any contact with her and I shouldve paid for college and let her use the car even though shes still hanging out with the boyfriend living off his mom. I thought I needed to detach and practice tough love and let her deal with the consequences of her actions. I dont know if shes clean or not and what the hell happened that day to make her do that. My friend said it will only make her more dependent on the loser and I need to pull out all the stops to get her to come home. She will think we dont love her and never seek our help now. My question is this; would that be enabling her or helping? Have I gone from detachment to abandonment? I struggle with enough guilt and remorse already. If she isnt ready to change her life is anything I do even going to matter?
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